Rising from Rock Bottom: Brittany on Addiction, Healing & Rebuilding Life | Recovery Vow Podcast

In this powerful episode of The Recovery Vow Podcast, Eric sits down with Brittany, who courageously shares her journey from meth addiction, prison, and rock-bottom moments to rebuilding her life and finding hope. Together, they discuss what real healing looks like after addiction, betrayal, and the challenges of rebuilding a family—and how faith, self-awareness, and intentional choices can transform even the darkest seasons.

Brittany shares how embracing recovery, setting boundaries, and choosing the right environment helped her move from chaos to stability, offering practical insights for anyone navigating the path of healing. Eric opens up about his own experiences supporting loved ones through recovery and the importance of surrounding yourself with accountability and love.

This heartfelt conversation reminds us that recovery doesn’t just restore sobriety—it rebuilds lives, families, and faith from the inside out.

On This Episode:
Brittany’s journey from addiction and prison to hope and healing
The turning points that sparked real transformation
How accountability, faith, and environment shape recovery
The role of family, forgiveness, and self-awareness in rebuilding life
Practical tools for creating lasting change and stability


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• Transcript

  All right, thanks for joining us on the Recovery Bout podcast. Today I'm going to be sitting with a new friend, Britney. Now, Britney is um a friend of a friend of a friend who's a friend of a friend of a friend, and she lives here in Dallas, and I think that you're going to enjoy her show or her story because she's going to talk about um what life is like, what life was like, um but specifically her addiction to meth. So, Britney, let's just jump right in. How are you doing today? Besides, I'm just going to tell everybody she's nervous. Her hands are cold. We just prayed a little bit. And but [laughter] you're going to do great. Okay. You're going to do great. So yeah, walk us through um let's I mean jump in as deep as you want, as fast as you want, or just tell us, you know, what was Britney like um in high school and then cuz you told me a minute ago the men are stupid. So I want to hear why why are we dumb? Only certain men. Um so I was born to the greatest mother that ever walked this planet. Unfortunately, she was married to the worst man that ever walked this planet, my father. Um, he was a drug addict. Uh, he was very abusive. Um, luckily he only took the abuse out on me because I probably was the one that stood up to him and wouldn't let him touch my my brother or my mom. But I think that is when it my life just started to crumble. I um like abuse them. Do what? Like abuse them? Yeah. He would hit me and very He would burn me and he just got really drunk and crazy and I don't I don't think he meant it, but I you know, you just never know with someone like that. But um so it took my mom a long time to realize she needed to leave him. Um and when I was 11, she divorced him. But I had already kind of started rebelling because I was angry kind of at my mom for allowing it and then of course angry at my dad for doing it. So she sent me to a church boarding school at 11. And that was kind of where it all started cuz I was mad. I was really mad at her like this isn't my fault. Why did you send me away? But that was also where I found Jesus for the very first time. I got baptized and I thought, okay, maybe I can be a good person. So, I came home after that and high school is about where it started. My my um mom's moved in my cousins, my older cousins, they were 18 and 19. I was 14. You can imagine when you're 14year-old girl and you see all these friends of my cousins. And so I started hanging out with him, smoking weed, selling weed, doing all that. My mom sent me to boarding school a couple times. I kind of think that's where you learn from other kids that are bad. You all kind of get together and you like brag and you learn stuff from them and all that. So, and all this happens in boarding school. Boarding school where you're supposed to like get better, but for me, I did not. I learned some things and um so I graduated from the boarding school, turned 18 and I got out and my mom said, "Do you want to go to college or do you want to take a little break since you've kind of been having a rough life?" And I was like, "Let's take a break." [snorts] So that was probably my biggest downfall. My kids will never have the option, do you want to go to college? Their only option is what college do you want to go to? Because that was my biggest mistake. So, I got a job as a bartender. My mom got me an apartment and a car, paid all my bills, so I had all this money. And was your dad still in the picture at this time? No. So, when when I was 11 and they got divorced, my mom paid him money and he just he was gone. He just wasn't in our life again. And it was wonderful. Um, sorry I forgot to say that part, but um, so I was working at a bar, which don't ever let your kids work at a bar. It's not a good There's lots of drugs, lots of alcohol, and I definitely got in it. Um, I ran into a girl that I had met at boarding school and she was on meth and um, [clears throat] we hung out for the first time and I smoked my first bowl of meth and were you on the clock at like the restaurant when you did it the first time? I wanted No, no. I I clocked out. It was like 3:00 in the morning and I was like wanting to party and she was like, "Here, try this. It'll keep us up all night." And I was like, "Yeah, let's do it." And it did. It kept me up for about a week. Uh my first time you I was very high and I was very stupid and that was when my whole world took Did you do it over and over again that week? Yeah. I mean you have to keep doing it but it definitely can keep you awake for a long time. Um I remember seeing the sun come up. That was the hardest thing in the world. Yeah. Yeah. You're very tired but your mind's not. you know, like your body is tired, but your mind is racing. So, it's like you should be sleeping, but you can't because your mind is zooming from the meth. And um so that was that was when it all started was 18, should have been in college, but instead I was hanging out with my friend and I and it it just spiraled from there. I mean that was when um through all that I met this guy named Adam [clears throat] and he was shooting it up like with a needle which thank God I never yeah meth which thank God I never did that is one blessing from God is that he that I never tried that but he um he was crazy on it. you guys when they shoot meth their their minds like explode like with anger and rage and all of that and he they go a thousand miles a minute and there's no stopping and so he had me this is hard to admit but we were robbing buildings and stealing TVs and and uh robbing dope dealers like I don't know how I'm still alive honestly some of the stuff that uh this man had me doing but were robbing to support the habit because you knew that's what the dope dealer needed or that's what you could pay him with. We Yeah. So [clears throat] we could pay him with that. We would we would rob buildings, steal TVs, and anything we could out of it, sell that, then buy the drugs. I mean, it was just a whirlwind. I It's hard to even remember a lot of that life, but I do do remember that he was the start of like the real bad part of my life. And um do you remember the first time you stole something like that? Was it like at night? Did you you guys sit down and plan it out or he just told you to show up at hey, show up at Best Buy on? So he had already been doing it for a long time. So he kind of was like, "Get in the car." And then I I don't really remember the f I I remember one specific time though. We pulled up to this building and he would just go around and and look for unlocked doors. And the minute a building forgot to lock their door, that's when we went in and we stole everything we could really fast. We jumped in the car and zoomed off. And I'm not going to lie, in that moment, that's another high. That's Yeah, we were talking about a minute ago. It's like getting away with it. Yeah. Like just you're like, "What the heck just happened?" Like, and we just got a bunch of TVs and we just made a ton of money and you're just like, "Wow, that kind of was cool." You know? Gosh, it's so stupid to say that now, you know, cuz it's it, you know, [snorts] that's one of the things my mom tells me. She's like, you know, Britney, I can kind of understand the drug thing, but you stealing is what hurts me the most, you know, cuz you're stealing from people and and you you know, and now today, owning a business and owning houses and cars and stuff like I can't imagine getting robbed like that heart break and like, you know, what it costs and all that, you know. So yes, it was at the time though, you don't think about other people. You're very selfish in your ways and in the addiction. And so what kind of one thing that was really serious about that? So one morning at 6:00 a.m. we had been robbing, running around all night, just going places. He fell asleep in the car. I was already asleep and he fell asleep in the car and crashed into a tree. So, he had some bruises. I was in the hospital for a week. Broken collarbone, collapsed lung. Found out in the hospital that I was pregnant and found out that I lost it. Wait a minute. You found out that information. You didn't know you were pregnant? didn't know I was pregnant and found out in the hospital that I was pregnant, but I had miscarried from the wreck. Oh, no. How far along were you, Britney? I don't I don't know. They I I not very long because I wasn't showing or didn't know, but my mom was by my side the whole time. And she thought, "This has to be the moment that my daughter changes her life." Like, so she she was there the whole time. She took me home and she was like, "Oh, I know this is like new beginnings, right? There's no way this wreck, losing a child, almost dying would not change your life, right?" Well, I did come back and she said for a long time I was talking funny like I didn't remember anything, you know, like she would ask I would ask questions over and over like and she's like, "You just we just talked about this." So, it did mess me up for quite a while. But I think once I start getting back to normal, I was like, I'm leaving, mom. Like, I'll be back later. And the it continued, you know, spiraling like just doing the same thing over and over. I got arrested. Um, left this guy. So, I got on probation cuz my mom was trying to help me. And so I got on probation thinking like I'm going to be fine. So I met another guy doing the same thing and stealing meth shooting it up. Yeah. But he was more of a drug dealer than stealer. He didn't steal. He just dealt a lot of mess. So I thought, "Oh, this is even better. Like I don't have to rob buildings like and it's there all the time, you know?" Mhm. Um so I got pregnant with his child. Um during all this, my mom again took me away when she found out I was pregnant and um let me live with her. And I actually did I left that guy. He actually went to prison, thank God. So it kind of made me have to leave him, you know. And then I'm like, well, I don't have anywhere to go or anything to do and I'm pregnant, so might as well go to my mom's house, right? So, I actually was sober for about a year and a half while I was pregnant and I had my daughter. My mom had bought me a house again and lived there. It was real close to her, so she got to see her grandbaby all the time. Um, [sighs] so I had moved in a friend of mine into the house. We were pregnant at the same time. So, I thought, "This is going to be amazing." You know, like we're kids are going to grow out together. Life is going to be good. I'm close to my mom. Well, this girl somehow I don't even know how we connected. She was doing meth. And in our house, you know, and I started to kind of feel it. You know, you know when someone's high on meth or like it's not easy to hide, you know. So, I was kind of starting to feel it and I was like, "Hey, you know, like let me have some." And she was like, "Okay." [gasps] So, this is probably shouldn't admit this, but we're living in the house smoking meth with our new babies, not in the room. Of course, never like we we were good and went in our bedroom, you know, which still in the house. Still terrible to do. Admit that. People are going to do a lot worse than that. But that's that's your worst. Yeah. So, all spiraled again. Like my mom ripped my baby away from me. She found out that I was doing it again. She I don't want to say ripped. She was amazing. She took my daughter away because she knew that I shouldn't have her in that household. And thank God for my mom because I never lost my daughter completely. She always knew when something was going on and she took her to protect her. And I thank my mom every day for that because I could have lost her easily into CPS and yeah the state and all that. So my mom How old was your baby at the time? Uh she was about a year and two months and um so I got arrested again and I went to prison for my first time. My daughter was under two years old and that was hard. That was hard cuz that's the best time that I think too is the cutest time for kids, you know, and I missed I missed a whole year of that being in prison and every So, one thing I need to tell y'all is I went to prison three times and you would think, my god, how did she not learn the first time, the second time, and it took the third time to finally learn? and it was always a guy or a friend. So that's what I want everyone to like gather from this is like you have to pick the right healthy friends. Like if you don't you're like you are who you surround yourself with. You aren't play around. You're playing your playmates. We we talk about that a lot every single way. Like mine was like person place or things, right? you [snorts] like that you just have to put yourself around positive people and today I am around the most positive people like I my friends are so encouraging so amazing they are like all they want is for me to succeed and it's so different than what I've been used to cuz all the friends in that world were just like all they wanted was for you to get them high and that's all they cared about and they don't care if you hurt your family they don't care if you were abandoning your daughter so that they could get high, you know. Um, but so the third time I went to prison, you were telling me, tell me about that day you hit rock bottom. This time that you went to prison here though, your daughter was at 2 years old. Is that the first, second, or third time you went? That was the first time. I went again when she was four and then I went again when she was seven. Okay. So that I'll talk about that a little bit because you told me to kind of tell that last time I hit rock bottom. So I was with this guy named Greg and he was very abusive. I mean to the point so 3 days before I got arrested he had on the side of the road he had beat me so bad that I was bleeding and that I couldn't walk. And I went to a friend's house and I just laid on her porch. And because she was friends with both of us, but she was more friends with him. He came inside her house, walked over me, laying on the porch, bleeding. He walked over me into her house and slammed the door. And they went in there just getting high, laughing probably at me, you know. I kind of heard them laughing, you know, and I'm sure it was at me. And wow, you know, that that is rock bottom, you know. It's like at that time I was like, you know, you're laying on the porch and you're like, but what do I do? Right? Because I lived with him. My mom was done with me. She was like, absolutely not. Like, don't come near us. Like, I don't want to talk to you. Like, you've hurt us enough, right? And so, at that time, you're like, what do I do now? You know, and so I just laid there because I didn't know what to do. I didn't have anywhere to go. I had lost my car. I had lost everything and I just kind of laid there, you know. And can you can you let the the listeners and the people that'll be watching this episode, can you if that was rock bottom, can you describe what that was at night time? What did the house look like? And the reason I want to do that is because people are going to hear this story. Maybe they're still in addiction. Maybe they're sober curious. U maybe they're um just trying to stay sober for today. And visually like I'm right now as you're telling that I see a white house and a porch and a smaller white house and and it's just near a road is what I saw in my mind. But tell us what that that moment would have looked like. That's funny too because it it was a white house. So this guy named Greg uh I was actually living with him and his family at the time because they are obsessed with their son even in his addiction and all of that. they will let him do whatever he wants. So, we were living there and um I guess because I didn't have any meth at the time, he like was mad at me, right? So, I tried to come home um and like sleep because I was out of meth and he was not having it. He like I said, he was really mad at me for not having any. And so when I got to the house to like go into sleep, he was like, "No, get the f out. like you're not you're not coming in until you bring me my drugs, you know. And I was kept trying to come in. I was like, I live here. I live here, you know. And he pulled me away down the street and just started beating me. Like that was when he just it was dark. It was probably 2:00 in the morning. And what's sad is his family knew all this was going on and they didn't care, you know, like they because it's their son. It's their baby. It's all my fault. It was always my fault, you know, because they loved him so much. And um [clears throat] so he pulled me away and he just was kicking me and punching me, pulling my hair. [snorts] I mean, everything you could do to hurt me, like he was doing it right then and there, you know, and and uh just walks off. Walks off like it was like normal, you know, like it's okay to just beat up a girl like that for no reason cuz I there was no reason for it, you know. Um and like I said, I finally was able to get up. I walked down the street to a friend's house and I I just laid there and uh coming in and it was a drug house, you know, people were coming in and out and no one no one cared that I'm bleeding on the porch, which is today blows my mind, right? Because if I ever saw anyone on the ground bleeding, like I'm never going to just walk past them, you know? I'm always going to love on them and be like, "Are you okay? What can I do to help you?" You know, so it kind of just I don't know. I'm just It's so different these days. But so two friends realize what's going on that actually I guess cared. You don't No one really cares when you're on myth, but I guess they had a reason. They came and got me and we ran around for a little bit. You know, we were going to game rooms. They're like illegal casinos kind of, you know, and you go and you smoke a lot of meth and then you go and you gamble and I mean it's just crazy. It's it's a really fast pace in in in uh Fort Worth, Texas. You know, it's as it's as Vegas as you can get in Fort Worth, Texas. You know, there's a lot of drugs and gambling and all that. And so we were running around for a couple days and leaving a game room, a cop gets behind us, starts chasing us, and we ended up in a chase, which was probably the most adrenaline I've ever been in, you know, of all the adrenaline is getting chased by the cops. And um somehow because I was really messed up, I forgot to hide my dope. So they finally get us, we pull over and they find my drugs. And you know what's crazy is my mom always told me this is that God was always looking out for you, Britney, because the times you got arrested, it should have been way worse, right? like because I was robbing buildings and I was having I mean I I had a lot of meth at sometimes in my life. Uh most of the time there was a lot of meth in my life. Like like say a lot. What's a lot? I mean pounds pounds and pounds where you would go to prison for where I would go to prison if not my whole life for 20 plus years, you know. Um, and somehow every time I got arrested, it was just for a little bit. Enough where I would go to prison, but it wasn't enough where it was for a long time, right? Cuz I would have lost my whole life to that, you know, and probably been institutionalized and then kept repeating it. But so this very last time I got arrested, I called my mom and she was like, "I'm so done with you. Like, you'll never see your kid again. You'll never see me again. I'm done." Like, she had been there for me through it all. Tried to help me so many times. Each time I went to prison, I would get out and she would get me a place to stay and take me to see my do like bring my daughter to see me and and help me in every way cuz she she's just that encouraging mother, right? She's just that mom who wanted the best for her baby, who prayed for me every single night, probably crying every single night because she didn't know if I would be alive, if I would be arrested, if I would if she'd ever see me again, right? you know, like she was just that mom that just prayed and prayed and prayed a lot. And this last time, I think that those prayers worked, right? Because I got arrested. And the minute she told me, like, I'm absolutely done with you. You'll never see us again. You'll never see your kid again. How old was your baby at the time? Seven. Seven. And And that was at a time when my daughter really loved me. She knew I was mommy. She all she wanted was mommy. But she never got mommy. Not not a good mommy. You know, when when I did come see her, I was really high. And I'd come and we'd like eat dinner for like 30 minutes and I'm high the whole time. And I'm like, "Oh, I love you so much, Emma. I'll be back soon. I love you." And then months, you know, a few months would go by and she's just wants her mommy. That's all she wants is her mommy, you know. And um when I was in jail this last time, like I was like, I have to be done, right? Like this has to change. I It's my third time. I know I'm going to prison probably for a long time because this is my third time. So Texas has a like three times a charm kind of thing. I can't remember what it's called, but pretty much like if you're a repeat offender, you get a lot of time. And so I thought I was looking at a lot of time because this was my third time and I was I thought I would be gone, you know, and and so I that's when I started praying like I there was my the girl that I was in jail with. She had been there for a long time. She was like waiting. She had she was in there for something pretty serious. So she had been there a long time going in and out of court. So you're like a county jail, not going to prison yet. Not going to prison yet. But she county jail is awful. County Jail is awful. The food is disgusting. You don't want it. It is. Don't go to jail. It's mush and mush and more mush. And it's not salted or seasoned. It's just mush. It's disgusting. You don't want to go to jail, y'all. It is not worth it. It is not fun. I can't believe I went three times. Like, it still blows my mind. And I love today that people look at me and they say, "I would have never guessed." When I tell them my story, a little bit about it. They said, "I would never. I don't believe you, Britney, but that's great. I I don't want anyone to look at me and ever think she did meth or she used to do all that. She robbed buildings or she any of that, right? I love that people are like, "Oh my god, I would have never believed it." Because I want the world to see a changed me, not a former me, not the old me, not any of that. Because life is so good now. When I was in prison that time, I did a lot of soulsearching. They they luckily the judge I maybe he saw that I was ready to change. I don't know because he had been my judge every time and I and maybe this time he was like I see something in you. So he let me go to this prison rehab. It's called safe pee. So it's a very intense sixmonth treatment. You do a lot of classes and cognitive thinking and rehabilitation classes. I mean, it's intense though. And they do punishments. Not not like physical, like they don't spank you or anything, but you know, I remember weird. Huh? That would be weird. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think that's legal, but you know, with the justice system, you never know. They they might find ways, but I remember one thing specifically while I was there is um they're called sanctions. [snorts] So, I guess someone got caught like passing notes or some something that wasn't that serious. It didn't seem like it should have been that serious, but I guess to them it was pretty serious. So for 3 days we [snorts] sat in a room when you weren't working and you sat like this for 3 days. Of course they let us sleep and stuff, but after breakfast we sat like this. After lunch we sat like this and after dinner we sat like this until bedtime. Luckily I got to work a little bit so I got a little bit of break. But it kind of reminded me of uh concentration camps. I know I cannot compare that. Like the the the what they went through is nothing compared to that. But it it seemed kind of torturous, you know, for 3 days to have to sit like this all day, you know, like it would it's What would happen if you didn't? Um if you if you said, "I'm not doing this or whatever." They then So they can extend your time. So this time is supposed to be 6 months, right, that you're in there. But if you get in trouble or don't follow the rules, they can extend your time as long as they want. So it's sit like this or stay longer. I don't want to stay any longer. So I sat like this for 3 days and it that's a lot of time to think about everything. That's what I was going I was going to get at next was like did that unlock anything? Absolutely. I I I it's it's torturous, but I I I get now after being out kind of why they do it, you know, because you're it's grueling and you're a lot of time to think about everything like what's this worth it? Were these people worth it? These people I ruined my life over that I chose over my family. Was it worth it? Absolutely not. It was none of it was worth it. You know, I I hurt my family the most in it. the ones who love me the most, I hurt them the most, you know, and then loved all these people who didn't give a [  ] about me. They let me sit on a porch patio bleeding because I didn't have the drugs, right? The minute I had the drugs, I was their best friend. But the minute I didn't, I'm bleeding on the porch, you know? So, it's like you sit there and you think, you're like, "What the hell was I doing?" like for so long too, you know, like I said, it it was a span of 18 to 28 10 years, 11 years, you know, and uh So, you're almost sober longer than you were in your addiction. Almost. [clears throat] Yeah. Yeah. Pretty pretty 50/50. It felt like longer because in high school, you know, I was smoking weed and I would do coke and stuff sometimes, but it wasn't an addiction like the meth. The meth that's an addiction that you can't explain. Like it makes you do things that you would never obviously never imagine doing. I never thought growing up I would rob buildings or or um [clears throat] abandon my daughter or you know just everything that I was doing. like you don't it's not like a goal in life, you know, like you're not ever like I'm going to wake up and get so high that I do stupid [  ] and I you know, it's like it's definitely not a goal I ever thought for me. But um just I'm I'm going to throw you a curveball here. Just for the the listener or somebody's watching this and this is their first time hearing about meth, probably not their first time. What is in meth? What is what makes up meth? I've heard like batteries and all that kind of stuff. Okay, so that's not a good question for me. I don't really know exactly what's in meth, but I know it's a lot of bad chemicals mixed together that you probably shouldn't have in your body. I don't sseudafed I know. So they they take um it's kind of like pseudafed and aderall times a million like in one concoction that you're putting in your body. And some smoke it, some shoot it, which I don't that thank God I never did. But I saw so many people shooting up and they have blisters all over their face and and and they do that kind of thing, you know, like thank God. Thank god I never did it. But those were my friends like blisters all over their face and and doing that and I wasn't embarrassed. Are you kidding me? Like how was I not at the time? You know what I mean? Like embarrassed. Like that was who I chose to be around and hang out with. And I just thought I was a badass. I'm sorry for cussing, but I did. I thought I was a badass. Like I had all the money and and drugs most of the time. Of course, there were times when I didn't and I paid for it tremendously, but a lot of times I did because I had to, right? It's the only way you can survive is to have the meth in the meth world. you know, if not you're laying on a porch or, you know, worse. Like, who knows? But, um, no, I just had to ask that because I want people, especially that maybe in the Dallas, Fort Worth area, I mean, it's still drugs are still very heavy here. It's It's bad. And and it and it of course I've been sober 10 years on August. It was amaz It's the best 10 years of my life. I feel like I have um had two beautiful children in that time. I've been married to a beautiful, perfect man who would never put his hands on me, who has done nothing but work his butt off to provide for our family. It's so different than the men I had before. You know, I I feel like I h had daddy issues from my dad. And so I did. Yeah, I I definitely did. And my picker was like, "Hey, I need to find this abusive bad man like my dad." Right. And I fill in the void. Yeah. And I did I found that I found that with a couple men, but this one is amazing. And he supports me and he actually couldn't come today cuz he's working his butt off supporting our family. And it it feels good, you know. And where'd you guys meet up? So, it's funny. He sent me a meme the other day and he was like, you know, we're soulmates cuz we didn't meet on Bumble or Tinder or Facebook. He said, "We just met and we knew it it was like the one." So, we were my best friend at the time, she had a birthday party and he was there and I was there and we talked and we didn't even think twice about each other. We just went our separate ways. About two weeks later, we were at another little get together with friends and he walks in and at the time he like he was dressed nice cuz it was at a pool party before. You know, you people aren't always like looking their best at a pool party, but this one he had his button down and his head his hair all nice and he walks in and I was like, "Who is that?" And she was like, "That's um Chase. You just met him." I was like, "I have never met this guy. like this is a I've never met him. And she's like, "Okay, Britney." And um we sat together and he just made me laugh. That's good. I he made me laugh like ugly laugh, you know, like the embarrassing laugh where you're like, [laughter] you know, like and you're like And he still to this day he still makes me do that. We We can be I love that. I'm friends with Chase already. I [snorts] and that's what that's how he got me was making me laugh because I've never had a guy that made me laugh like that that ugly embarrassing laugh but he does that to me and I mean like to this day what nine years nine 8 n years later he still makes me do it and it it's embarrassing and I hate it but I would rather ugly laugh than ugly cry because of the bad you know so I do I have a beautiful life now I We own our own business. Um, my [clears throat] kids are thriving. Um, we travel. We I mean this the things I do now, right? I tell people this isn't everyone's dream, right? But this my life right now is my dream. I have a beautiful family, beautiful house, beautiful life, beautiful husband. We travel like we're not going on these like luxury grand vacations but you know like we can go somewhere. Yeah. We can go to the beach when we want to and we can do this you know and it's like this is what I always wanted truly. I didn't realize it and I didn't know it for a long time but this life I have now is everything I ever needed or wanted. You know it's like it's great. I don't know. So, whenever you um met Chase and after the pool party and then you saw him with his hair done up and all the things looking nice looking nice um you guys started dating. Did Did you tell him right away um all the things that you just told me? I did not tell him right away. Um what was your decision on why not? [sighs and gasps] Um, just, you know, people judge, you know, and you're you just don't want them to judge you. And I mean, he I didn't tell him right away, but I think he found out pretty quickly. So we met um probably less than report or you know like stuff like that. And it's like so I finally ended up telling him and he was like this is different. I don't normally date women like this. He said, "But I love you and I don't care." You know, and and that was the best part is like he's like, you know, I love you for you. I don't care about your past. You know, it's like it's different than what I'm used to, you know, and and and it's, you know, it's funny, too, because [snorts] even 10 years sober and changed completely. Like I forget sometimes that I even did drugs because my life is so different now. It's so much better. Like I I try to forget about it all. But it's weird like driving in the car. Like I'm not speeding. I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm perfectly fine in a legal car. Like everything. And even to this day sometimes like a cop will drive past me and your your heart starts beating and pumping and and you sweat a little and I'm like what the hell are you doing, Britney? like you're fine. Like everything's fine. Let them pull me over. I'll smile. You know, to this day test right on the side of the road. You can search my car. You can drug test me. Whatever you want, officer like I'm all clean, you know, and and I have a few times I've sped and I've gotten pulled over and I have they probably think I'm crazy. I'm surprised they don't search my car because I have this smile like here here's my license and here's my registration. Like I was just speeding that's all, you know, and it feels it feels good, you know. So, I just if I can get anything to anybody, I want to help as many young women as I can. Yeah. You know, those 16 to 25 that think a man, this terrible man, oh, because he loves her and he's like he he'll do this for her and that for her. Like I just want you to realize like they don't love you. They love what you can do for them and they love like what they can get from you and that's absolutely it. Like a man that truly loves you is my husband now who works his butt off every single day to provide for you. That spends as much time with your beautiful children as he can. Who takes you on trips and and buys you things and takes you to nice dinners. Like that's a real man that loves you. Like not won't leave you bleeding on the front porch. Yeah. I won't leave you bleeding on the front. How? And I went back to that guy so many times like thinking like this is true love because this is what my dad did, right? If my dad was my dad and he and he loved me like then this guy has to love me like my dad, right? Oh, it's it's terrible. And you know, my dad passed away when I want to say about eight years ago. And I hadn't seen him in 15 years. It was since I was 11. So I don't I'm not going to tell you how old I am. We're not going to do these calculations, okay? We'll just say, but it had been a long time since I had talked to my dad. And um he tried to come back in my life. Um started writing me, put money on my books when I was in jail. I'm like, where the hell have you been? Mhm. And I just I couldn't do it. And I and I didn't really talk to him. But the day he died, I was a wreck for like 3 days. And I don't know why. Maybe it was closure that I needed. I don't know if that's even considered closure, but you know, like the day he died, all that died with him, you know, like anything I needed for my dad, like I didn't need it anymore. Like I have it in my husband. I have it in my other family. It's like I don't really know where I was going with that. But well, I mean your dad for boy or girl, dad just plays an important role in in growing up. Yeah. And and when you become an adult. So whether you're in jail or but I also have to remember this is maybe their first time being an adult and the way that they were brought up is what that's what you're seeing that's happened to them too. um you know, just thinking through the abuse and things like that, but you're a generational breaker. I'm a gen I I am breaking that curse. My kids are, like I said, they're thriving. My daughter, my oldest, so she's 16, her dad, he was the one I told y'all I got pregnant with and went to prison. So, he's a terrible father. And so my biggest fear is my daughter having that um that need or void that she needs filled. And she does have that a little bit. But mommy is really quick to remind her that you don't need that void filled. You can have that void filled with other things. Like I can fill that void. Your grandma can fill that void. You know, shopping. Like shop all you want, kid. As long as you're not doing bad things and trying to fill voids. I mean, she can't just go on shopping sprees. I mean, we're not happy and brings you joy, that's what you need. Like, there's no void you have to fill and then you just being there to talk to her. Yeah, we talk we talk a lot. Um, like I said, her dad is a lot like mine. Um, not not a not he was abusive to me, but not to her. Thank God he never did. But he's just in and out. comes and pleases when he wants and thinks it's all our fault. I won't go there. But anyways, um so that's my my biggest fear and I and and my daughter has done amazing. She has had her issues because of me and her father abandoning her, but I want her to know that she's a fantastic daughter. And I thank God that she has not done any of the things that I did. You know, even the little things she gets in trouble for, I'm like, you know, like, yeah, if that's if [clears throat] that's what I'm dealing with, I will take it cuz she's doing amazing. And I want to hope it's because I broke that Yeah. generational. And that that speech you just said, you were speaking to a lot of young girls and you may you may be speaking to moms that are in recovery from addiction and they have that that little girl. So that element that you just took time to do [clears throat] spoke to a lot of people. Yeah. And so you need to be proud of that. Your this is how you using your story to change people's lives. And again, you may never meet them. Um, but you may get them to they reach out to you and say, "Thank you for sharing that. I needed to hear it that day." I I want any mom that is going through this with their daughter, get them every help they need. Like even if you think it's going to hurt your relationship, do it anyway. It's so much better to catch them younger than older cuz once they start doing it for a long time, it's easy to get caught up in that world. like nip it in the butt really quick. Like if your 16, 17, 18 year old is like my daughter, she has you could see her starting on that path, but I'm that mom. She will be grounded for her the rest of her life. I don't even care if it hurts our relationship because I won't let her go down that path. And and it's helped. She's she's had a couple of groundings that she knew mama's not playing. Like I would rather you be mad at me than let you do whatever you want and end up down that road. So I got one at home like that. Yeah. Just just got your phone back and the only rule I gave him was if I call you answer. If I text you, respond. Then that night I gave it to him. Called, texted. I could see where he was at. So when I get home from Texas, you were without a phone. [laughter] Yep. Better yet, just go ahead and cut it off now. Right. So, I mean, you got because you you know why we're acting that way is because nobody did that for us. Yeah. We're and that's the way we're we're first- time parents. Like, we're we're learn how to do this, too. If we're going to be generational breakers, what makes us be breakers, you know, not blamers. So, I get it. I totally get it. But they're not going to hate you forever for being a restriction. And and my mom, bless her heart, she did try she tried her hardest with the boarding schools and all of that. I was just kind of at a point where I was so rebellious that that couldn't even help me. But luckily, like I said, my daughter's been amazing and she gets it. Like she she's she takes the groundings to heart. I would laugh at my mom. My [clears throat] daughter's doing great. She's actually knows I'm serious. I don't know. I'm a little meaner than my mom, so maybe she's scared of me. I don't know. But I don't care. You can be scared as long as you still get along really good now. So, that's the best part. Um, she actually would be here right next to me, but she's a little shy. We'll get her next time. But, so the best part is me and my mom's relationship. We are the best we've ever been. And thank God my mom saw that that very last time. Like, I think she she did her research on the prison I was at and realized like the cognitive thinking and then like because before it was always like everyone else's fault. Like when I would go to prison, I was like, "Oh, I you know, like it's your fault for enabling me." Or, "Oh, it's your fault." Like I never really took accountability, right? I It was always everyone else's fault. And and you know, like I was I was high. I didn't mean to. You know, this last time it was a lot of inner peace and inner healing and inner thinking about what I did, like what I did wrong, how I need to fix it, how I can change my life, not other people, cuz I always depended on my mom. [snorts] She was kind of an enabler a little bit, you know, she would help me, which I appreciate, right? She would help me get a place to stay or, you know, buy me clothes and all that stuff and help me get my life back together. But this last time she made it hard, right? She came to see me every a few times and you know like but she didn't put money on my books like like she would and when I got out she didn't let me come live with her. I had to go to a halfway house type thing and you know those right there are already you're like oh my god like I did mine for 3 months. Yeah. This is like [clears throat] you know you're like this is not the life I want. So she made it hard for me that last time. Thank God. But now me and my mom are best friends. I talk to her every day and she always she tells me all the time like, "Britney, I knew that wasn't who you were. Like I always I didn't give up on you because I know that's not who you were and who you were meant to be. God always had plans for you." And so my mom, she has this like dreams of me like going global and telling everyone my story and changing lives and all that cuz she just thinks there's a reason for everything, you know? and she knew that something good would come out of this. Like it had to like she it's her daughter and she was praying and and those prayers definitely worked because life is good now you know and I one day I do I want to go on the stage and tell millions of little girls like don't do it. It's not worth it. You're doing it right now. I know you're doing it right now. I mean I'm trying. That's my first time. You're [laughter] doing great. you you've done great and and I think um we can talk a little bit more after this, but you know, we we're starting the recovery valve collective, which is a a network of of people that come together. Um it's a monthly subscription, but then we would have like behind the scenes Q&A with someone like you and the importance of um being a mom and and being a leader and then talking to those little girls that are trying to make decisions and things like that. That'll just be one of the things, but I' I'd love to connect with you on that some more. Just give you that opportunity, another platform to to do that. I'll do whatever it takes. If it helps one person, then my goal in life is accomplished. I mean, I'd love to do millions, but one even one if I can change a girl's life that was even thinking about it, like I would feel make it all worth it, right? I have to I tell people all the time, you know, they're like, "Why are you so nice and sweet and blah blah blah?" I was like, "Because I have a lot of bad to make up for, right? Like I have a lot I have to to be good for, you know? You know, like everything I did, I feel like it's time to give back and be nice and just I want to make everyone smile, not cry." That's why I think it's important if you realize that you're coming up on that mark where you were out of sobriety longer than you were in it. And so you've you've done that that all that work that you wanted to make up for. You did what took time. These are things I must earn. Time. Yeah. And so you did it. You put in the time. You put in the work. Yep. I'm proud of you. Well, Britney, I want to say that I'm sorry that I couldn't meet your mom or Chase or the kids today, but I I look forward to having you guys back. Um we'll do a follow-up, but uh I am very proud of you. Um I'm very thankful for our friend Colleen connecting us and um she's fabulous. Yeah, [laughter] you you did a a fantastic job sharing sharing everything that needed to be heard. So, um thank you so much for coming by the podcast and expressing what recovery looks like in your life and the [snorts] vow or the commitment that you made to yourself. Yeah.