I Wasn't Getting High Anymore | Ryan Peel's Story
By the time Ryan Peel realized how far his addiction had gone, getting high was no longer the goal. He was just trying not to get sick. In this episode with Eric Kennedy, Ryan shares how prescription pain pills became a hidden addiction that cost him nearly $1,400 a week. He reflects on the grief and injuries that led him there, the ultimatum that forced him to face the truth, and the realities of detox and treatment. Ryan also shares how the redemptive love of his then-girlfriend helped him believe a different life was possible. Nearly ten years sober, he is now married to her, raising a family, and living far beyond survival. You don’t have to navigate recovery alone.
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0:00
On today's episode, I sit with a good friend of mine, Ryan Peele. Now, Ryan is local to the Augusta area. Ryan is a
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business owner. He is a father. He's a husband. And let me tell you what we have in common is we both have a story
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and a past from addiction. But we both, just like you, are in recovery. I
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believe that everybody, if you really forward think in recovery, that everybody's in some kind of recovery. I
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truly believe that uh recovery happens inside of marriages. And so, we have a book called Marriage After Addiction. I'm working on a second book now. Along
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with that, we have our education platform which we call the Recovery Bow Collective. If you would like to connect
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with us, it is easy to do. And if you'd like to connect with me direct, you can do that by emailing me at
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recoverybow@gmail.com. Sit back and enjoy today's episode with Ryan.
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[music]
0:57
All right, Ryan Peele, we're going to dive right in because um I know you got a lot to tell us, but Ryan Peele, thank
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you for coming on the Recovery Bell podcast. My pleasure. Yeah. Um don't be nervous. Franchesca didn't want to come on because I guess
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she's scared of the TVs and the microphones, but you got your your wife in here with you. So, thank you for being here, Francesca. Um walk me
1:17
through Ryan's life because we we get on this podcast and we talk about anything and everything, but today we're going to
1:23
talk about the autobiography of Ryan Peele. before you became Facebook mear
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putting out all these funny videos. Walk me through um what got you to where you are now. Te tell me tell me where tell
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me all about you. Well, I mean I don't know how far you want me to go back, but um what year were you born? I was born in 76.
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Let's start from there. All right. Turned 50 this year. Um so I was born out in the Midwest and
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my you know my mom and dad at the time they had a had a pretty rocky marriage I think. Um, you know, there was a lot of
1:56
adult stuff going on I wasn't privy to at the time. And you know, my mom divorced when I was around 4 years old
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and then she remarried when I was six. And my stepdad
2:08
um basically raised me for the most part up until early adulthood. And did you not have a relationship with
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your dad at all? I had one. It was basically I would go see him one week out of the year. My mom
2:20
would fly me out to Texas or wherever he was at at the time. Okay. And um it was she she somewhat
2:26
alienated me from him to a degree. Um I think a lot of that was animosity
2:31
between her and him, but um but nonetheless, he he tried to be a part of my life. But my stepdad that uh I grew
2:37
up with is an alcoholic still to this day, as far as I know. Um, so there was,
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you know, a lot of stuff early on I didn't necessarily pick up on or see when I was young, but as I started
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turning into my teen years and things like that, I started seeing uh, you know, the fighting and stuff was would
2:55
get a little more aggressive. And by fighting, I mean the arguments and the yelling and and things like that. I
3:01
remember finding drugs around the house. Um, you know, they they tried to hide them from me, but I was a exploring
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teenager and I' I'd find weed here. And brothers and sisters, I do. Um, I've got an older brother that
3:14
um, he was born in ' 69, so he's 7 years older than I am. Um, when my mom and my
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biological father, who I I call dad now, but when my mom and dad divorced at four, my brother went and lived with
3:26
him. When you say you call him dad now, do you just you didn't call him dad? At the time, for several years of my
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life, the first couple of decades, I really didn't. I got mad at him. I had
3:37
this perception of how he did me wrong and did my mom wrong and and things like
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that. And we have um as I've gotten older and, you know, experienced being a
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father myself to to four beautiful kids, it's a situation where I realized that
3:53
maybe things weren't exactly the way they had seemed. And he and I have a wonderful relationship now. That's awesome. Um but then it's my stepdad
3:59
that I haven't spoken to in several years. Um so I have an older brother that I didn't really grow up with. um he
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went and lived with my dad because, you know, he had a better relationship with him than I did and I stayed with my mom
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at the time. And then my mom and my stepdad um had a child together um when I was I
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think 11. My brother Rob was born and my brother Rob was uh profoundly [ __ ]
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He had Down syndrome um and was a little bit autistic as well. Um he passed away in 2013.
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Um they didn't do an official autopsy, but it was assumed to have been a brain
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aneurysm. Um but he was in a group home at the time because How old was he? He was in his mid20s.
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Mid20s. Mid20s. Early to mid 20s. Um and that's when things really started getting rocky for
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me. But but growing up brother passed away. When my little brother passed away. Did you and your brother have a good relationship even though he had Down
5:01
syndrome or autism when you guys were coming up? We did. Yeah. You know, he and I he was he was the only brother I had in the house, the
5:07
only sibling I had in the house. Um, you know, he he was nonverbal. Um, he had the in his 20s, he had the uh
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mental capacity of about a 2-year-old. Yeah. So, you know, it was like having that little little brother throughout my
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childhood and into early adulthood. And and I tried to help my mom. My mom was really struggling to take care of him
5:27
and and stuff like that. And you know, I try to do my best to help her. We got off course because my my lights messed up and so if it's if you got
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different lighting now, it's not your YouTube channel. It's it's my office and I apologize, but we were we were going
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through it, Ryan. Um and you got to the point where you lost your brother. Um and that was just a part of um kind of
5:46
when you said things started to shift. So take us back to that. So the a little bit prior to I'd had some shoulder
5:53
injuries and shoulder surgeries and things like that and um my mom and my
5:58
stepdad were on the outs and he left and moved away a little ways and um so my
6:05
mom was taking care of my brother and I was trying to really help but at the same time I was a young adult trying to
6:10
start my young adult life at the same and I'd had some shoulder injuries and things like that and that's where I
6:16
actually first discovered painkillers. Um, I had, you know, I'd gone to an
6:22
orthopedist and, you know, a general practitioner even. And they would give me some painkillers to help with a torn
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rotator cuff from time to time. And, um, you know, it it was all it was all oral,
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you know, I take them orally. It's just the pills. I got them legally. So, you take them like you're supposed to. I was taking them well, I'd take them
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till they were gone. Yeah. And not the pain necessarily, but till weird. But, um, but it was never, you know, it
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was more of a recreational thing. But that's where I kind of started getting introduced to it. Um, I never
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fortunately really delve into heavy drinking simply because having grown up
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in an environment, seeing how my stepdad, and to be fair, my stepdad's father died. He was an alcoholic and he
7:06
died of um they found him in a hotel down in South Georgia. Um, was your biological dad alcoholic?
7:12
No, this stepfather, right? I'm getting to a question. Um, and your mom wasn't. So some people
7:18
think it's hereditary and it could be. It's not for me. I'm I'm not a doctor. But I guess just being around it, do you
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think just the influence of seeing him that way did did it trigger something where
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when you started to use, did it what do you think unlocked the addiction in Ryan? So honestly, so I was taking them
7:39
orally like we talked about and then when my brother passed, I kind of went
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into a depression. Um, you know, I felt like I was in charge of handling the affairs with him
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and taking care of my mom at the same time. And the level of stress and then just
8:00
the, for lack of a better term, the depression I was feeling, I started finding that I could do that or felt
8:06
like I could do that, I should say, to escape a little bit of that to try to get a little bit of relief from that
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pressure and that that sadness I was feeling. Um, and then as I started using them
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more and more, it got to a point where I was starting to run into people that
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could get me more and get me more. Um, what did the pill do for you that
8:30
that made you want more? I just need people to hear what unlocks. Does that make sense?
8:36
Sure. So, it at first it was the euphoric feeling. you know, I I would
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get a sense of euphoria from it. And I would feel like while I was feeling that sense of euphoria, it kind of suppressed
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the sadness. It kind of suppressed the stress. Um, again, that's how I felt at
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the time. I'm not saying it actually did. Um, and that was that was kind of the turnon for me.
9:00
And you know, another factor I left out was that my older brother, even though he and I had no real relationship
9:06
growing up, I knew his story. Um, and he'd been into rehab several times by
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this point um, for primarily heroin. Um, he did a lot of heroin. Um, so I knew
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there was the potential of addiction, but I always have that mindset of I'm
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better than that. That's what happened to me. I can control it. I I'll be fine. I'll just be careful how I use.
9:33
And so you're taking the pills, but just the pills only. You weren't you weren't drinking with them yet. Correct. Well, actually drinking was
9:39
never my issue, but even just a little bit. A little bit. I' I'd socially drink from time to time, but uh
9:44
cuz I take percoet. I remember drinking and I drink box wine or beer or whatever, but if you threw a percoet
9:51
curveball in there with it, it was a whole another level of confidence, euphoric, whatever you want to call it.
9:57
But it was it I it wasn't my thing, but when it was, I did them, right? You know
10:03
what I mean? Well, what happened with me is I found cocaine about this time. Oh, yeah. Let's talk about that. So,
10:09
that really was a game changer for me. Okay. Now, you and I have had lunch last
10:14
month or the month before that. Um, and you were you were a little hesitant
10:21
about or you not hesitant. We were going to be cautious about telling your story, right? This is the first time you've
10:27
kind of really told it. This is the first time. And so, I'm proud of you for doing that. But, let's talk about
10:33
cocaine. Tell me, walk me through that. How did you get
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introduced to it? What? Because cocaine was very powerful in my life. And so I'm always interested
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in hearing how it affected other people. So, as a
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business owner and at this point a family man, I had a lot of
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responsibilities and I felt like so the first time I in
11:03
was introduced to cocaine, it was actually a friend of mine. We were out we were just at I don't even remember where we were. We were out at a bar
11:09
somewhere. Um and um he introduced it to me and you know I didn't want to admit
11:16
that that was my first time trying it you know but um but it was and um
11:21
snorted it. I did I snorted it and after a few you know after 10 or 15
11:27
minutes I just had this level of energy and excitement and I was like okay wow
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this is this is going to help me was my initial thought. Um, and then,
11:40
you know, a few days go by and I'm around him again and I was like, "Hey, let me, you know, let me get a little more of that." And then next thing I
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knew, I was buying it. Well, about the same time, I was having some medical
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issues. Um, I was having a lot of um, bleeding and I ended up having a um,
12:02
colonoscopy done. And what we found out was that I was consuming so many pain
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pills that it was the acetaminophen and the pain pills that was causing
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inflammation and causing bleeding. Oh my goodness. So I was like, "Okay, well there's got
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to be another way around this." So then I not long after found another guy that
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introduced me into Roxy's and the Roxy sets were the opiate
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without the acetaminophen. And I'm already snorting cocaine from time to time. So let me start snorting
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these Roxies because it's a quicker effect. And so that's how
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the funny thing in this Ryan is that we want to just stop the bleeding but keep on with everything else. That was
12:53
paramount. Yeah. I at that point I didn't necessarily realize it, but I was addicted.
12:59
I was addicted. Um, so then I was snorting Roxy sets.
13:05
Um, and then at parties I'd start mixing a little bit with some cocaine and next
13:11
thing I knew I was I was doing both. And you know, it went from being just at parties mixing in the cocaine to, well,
13:19
here it is Monday afternoon. It's been a long day. Hey, I've got some more work to do. Let me
13:24
throw in a little cocaine with it. Yeah. And then before I knew it, cocaine and pain pills had just consumed me.
13:30
Yeah. And it became my afternoon. I I used to um I hate to say love because I don't want people to be encouraged by
13:35
it, but I would I loved my cocaine. Um and I did kind of the same thing. I
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started when I figured out somebody I could get it from without having to go get somebody to go get it for me because you just never know. Um
13:48
I just started getting it myself. but managed to became that every afternoon thing. And did you were you married at
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the time? I was. And had kids and they had zero idea. Correct.
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How did you how did you do the afternoons? Like cuz people need to relate to you a little bit, Ryan. So I want them to see
14:05
inside of your life some. So would you eat supper? I couldn't eat on cocaine. Would you eat supper? Play with kids.
14:11
I I was getting I'd lost a lot of weight. I was super skinny and
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I was keeping it from my wife at the time. Um, she I think she kind of
14:23
suspected back then that something was going on, but she had never delved into that.
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So, she didn't really know that world and she didn't, you know, as long as I could not be seen, it was not an issue.
14:36
Um, and then it started to really impact our marriage in such that I started
14:44
stepping out. You know, if if I'm hanging out with other people that do like-minded things, then next thing I
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know, I'm hanging out with other women that do like-minded things. Um,
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and they're more attractive to you. And that how do you um do you remember how old your kids were at that time? So, my
15:04
oldest, he's 21 now. He was probably,
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I would say he was probably about eight when I started getting a little harder and harder into it.
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Um, and then my next one, my second child was probably,
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let's see, about four, four or five, somewhere around in there. Um, and then
15:28
one of those relationships with somebody other than my wife resulted in my daughter
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who's 13 now. And I I don't have any regrets for her by any means.
15:40
Um, but that relationship with her mom was one of the things that ended my
15:48
marriage with my first wife, which again sent me even further and deeper down
15:54
that path. Right. And you were you were able to keep this from them, your wife,
15:59
your kids to to an extent until it led you outside the marriage. Um
16:07
when when did you when did you hit the wall? So
16:13
right before probably about a year before my ex-wife
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and I divorced, this was about the time my daughter was born. my ex-wife at the
16:24
time, she she knew at this point. She had figured it out. She knew um
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she was complacent, for lack of a better term. And I'm not saying that to be ugly. Um but she she could turn her head
16:39
and if she didn't see it, it wasn't happening. Didn't have to be dealt with.
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Um do you think she was trying to save the marriage too? Make like the marriage make the marriage last? I think she was. Um,
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so not long after my daughter was born, my ex-wife and I separated.
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And while we were separated and for about a year or so, you know, right
17:04
around that time frame, I got to where every 3 and 1/2 hours on the dot, I had
17:11
I had to get a hit. At 3 hours and 45 minutes, in my mind, I would start to
17:18
detox. I would start to get shakes. I would start to get the anxiety. And it was just that overwhelming feeling.
17:24
Mostly cocaine or was it you need Roxy, too? It was the Roxy's, I think, more than the cocaine. I was mixing them both, but
17:30
I felt like it was more the Roxy's than the cocaine. Um, so I got to where every
17:36
3 and 1/2 hours, 24 hours a day, I was snorting a Roxy. You know, it didn't
17:42
matter where I was or what I was doing. Um, I had instances, and I'm not proud of any of this, but I had instances
17:49
where I'd be at a movie and I had to make sure that if I was leaving the house that I had enough on me to cover
17:56
me until I got back to the house and I would dip out and go to the bathroom and snort a line off the tank
18:01
of the toilet. Yeah, I've done that before. Like Joe's Underground. Yeah. Somewhere like that. Not Not the movies,
18:07
but Yeah. I mean, I would the We had no fear in getting caught with it, right? We had fear of not having it, right?
18:13
That's That's crazy. This went on for about a year before it
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dawned on me I hadn't had a euphoric feeling and I couldn't remember when.
18:24
Yeah. It was just about sustaining and not detoxing.
18:30
And not long after I separated with my ex-wife, I I started dating my current
18:35
wife. And while dating her at some point, I was keeping this from her. She
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had no idea. And at some point, um, it was around April of 2016,
18:49
uh, no, I'm sorry. It was it was around August of 2016. We started dating April of 2016. Around August of 2016,
18:56
um, my supplier dropped off the face of the earth. I couldn't find him. I couldn't get in touch with him. I didn't know
19:03
where he was. I I was started detoxing after about a day.
19:08
Good boy. Um, what's a Roxy detox look like? Oh, it's just it for me it was an
19:15
overwhelming feeling of anxiety. Um, just real restless, a lot of
19:23
emotions primarily for me it was aggression. I was I was angry. I was mad. Um, it was
19:31
physical sweats. Um, it was it was all of that. Yeah. Um, and my girlfriend at the time,
19:39
again, now my wife, she she figured it out. She figured it out. And the next
19:46
morning, I'm on my way to work. And she calls me up and she said, "Uh, meet me at at um this fast food restaurant over
19:54
in Evans." And I said, "Is everything okay?" And she said, "No, meet me there." I was like, "Oh, no. What's
20:00
wrong?" I pulled into the parking lot and I get out of my truck and I get into her truck and she tossed me a drug test
20:08
and she said, "You have two choices. You either go in that restaurant and bring me back the results of this or I never
20:15
want to see you again." And I looked at her and I told her, I
20:20
said, "I can go ahead and tell you how this is going to turn out, what this is going to say." And she was said, "Do it anyway."
20:27
So I did. didn't go to work that day. Went back to her place immediately. Um, spent the
20:35
day, the entire day detoxing, soaking in tubs, sweating in the bed,
20:41
pacing the house, just I was a wreck. And the whole time I'm doing this, she's calling around places trying to get me
20:47
into a rehab center. Um, at some point, and again, this is all kind of foggy to
20:53
me cuz my mind was everywhere. At some point later on that night, she found a
20:58
rehab center down in Statesboro. Um, I was broke. My habit was at about a
21:04
$1,400 a week habit. Yeah. So, I didn't have the money that they needed. I I had insurance, but my
21:11
insurance wasn't going to cover, you know, all the time you needed, right? And so, she just my girlfriend.
21:19
She drove me down there that night in the middle of the night. She got me checked in. Um, she fronted the money
21:25
that they needed up front for deposit to get me in there and that started my recovery. Now, did you get in that truck to go
21:31
down there with her because she wanted you to or did you know then that Ry that I need to do this?
21:37
I knew for a while at that point I needed help and I didn't feel like I had
21:44
anybody to help me. Mhm. I I I felt like I was I was having to figure this out on my own. I knew it was
21:52
an issue. I didn't think I was strong enough to do it myself. And quite honestly, um, and this is hard to say,
21:59
but that I'd gotten to a point just a few months prior where I knew I was going to die. I I just
22:06
I was just at the end and it was just going to happen. So, it was probably a very uh anxious
22:12
moment with with your girlfriend now now wife, but I mean that moment needed to
22:18
happen, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, and the one thing you said a minute ago that I think back
22:24
to cocaine when I used to use it, you're always chasing that that euphoric feeling that you'll never ever get
22:30
again. It's that it's that first sense of the line or or that first sense of the drip or whatever it is. You never
22:37
get you never get that first one. You know what I mean? You're always chasing and then it just grows from there up to
22:43
how many $100 you say $100 a week. That's a ton of money. Yeah, it was a lot of money. It was more money than I
22:49
was making. Yeah. Um that's a salary. Mhm. You know, um so
22:57
walk uh walk these listeners that are that are going to listen to your story and and thank you again. I I need you to
23:02
hear this. Like I know that you could have chose any other way to come share this, but thank you for coming on this
23:08
podcast and sharing this story. um talk me through, you know, when when she left
23:14
and you were there and and it just, you know, things start to click or you start to feel the environment you're in. What
23:20
What was What was that like? You're talking about when I first went to rehab. Mhm. It was one of the scariest moments I'd
23:27
ever had. Yeah. Um you know, obviously she got me there and she got me checked in and then she
23:33
had to leave. They wouldn't let her stick around. What did the goodbye look like? Did she get to give you a little loving like
23:39
kiss and a hug? And I think so. I don't recall to be honest with you. She don't she don't want to be on camera
23:44
so she can't she can't tell us. To be honest with you, I I don't recall.
23:49
Um I I feel like that that's how it happened. It was by hug and a kiss, but honestly, my headspace was so far out
23:57
there that I I just don't recall. Um I do remember so they had it broken into
24:04
the rehab center. They had unit one which was the detox and then they had unit two which followed detox.
24:11
And unit one for me the way I remember it was just like a prison cell.
24:17
It was concrete floors, block walls. Um, from what I remember, the room was
24:24
maybe 12t by 8 ft and it had a little like a half bathroom in it. And I had a
24:30
bed that was like a medical bed that I could lay on. Mhm. And I had a big big door with a
24:36
glass window in it that looked out to a a supervising nurses station that could see in all the rooms.
24:42
It's kind of me anxious as I do right now. That was scary. Yeah, that was scary. And I and I felt very
24:48
alone, very isolated. How old were you, Ryan? Um, so that was back in 2016. So I was
24:53
40. 40. Yeah, I was 40 at the time. And um it it
24:58
was really scary. And then they immediately informed me that I was going
25:04
to have to take a medication. It was mandated I take it a couple of times a day um for everybody that was in there.
25:11
Um and um it was uh phenobarbital. Never heard of it was to help prevent
25:18
seizures. Oh, okay. And so there were a lot of people in there detoxing from alcohol and seizures is a apparently a big concern for people
25:25
detoxing off of alcohol. But their policy was everybody had to take. So the first I think it was first days or so.
25:32
It was what they called unit one. It was it was a miserable detox. I remember waking up in the middle of the night
25:38
just covered with sweat. Just just my body would just sweat. The anxiety was overwhelming. Um I would go soak in tub
25:47
for hours at a time at the rehab clinic just simply to try to try to calm it and
25:53
suppress it. Um, but it it was one of those things that now looking back on,
25:59
as horrible and miserable as it was for me, had it been easy, it may not have
26:06
stuck, right? And so I I keep that in the back of my mind to justify that process. That's why I wanted to ask you cuz
26:11
people will, you know, people are scared to go to treatment. Um, and it's not like it's a luxury. Some of them are.
26:19
Um, but then some of them are kind of like jail. Um, mine was like a mine was an old um nursing home, so it was like a
26:27
wide building, wide hallways for like wheelchairs to pass, but all the rooms off of it. And and mine, same kind of
26:34
circumstance. I remember being in the room uh when I first got there and kind of going through the detox and it just
26:40
being real scary. Um, but if it had been luxurious or nice, you know, nicer than
26:48
what it was, um, I don't know if it would have stuck. Now, I'll tell you what I did enjoy about rehab was getting
26:53
sober, but the food like I could eat and I did. I eat and it and it felt good to eat. Um,
27:01
did your since since your girlfriend or kids reach out and check on you? No. So, my kids did not know I was
27:08
there. Oh. And the only way my ex-wife knew I was there is my girlfriend at the time
27:15
reached out to her and explained to her um that I was going to rehab. Um, I
27:22
don't know that I ever got any messages or calls from my wife. I I think there was still a lot of anger and resentment
27:27
there, which I I kind of understood. Yeah. Um, but my kids, they didn't know at the
27:32
time I was going through that. They just knew that dad had to go away for a little bit. Um, there was no real
27:39
explanation as far as I recall as as to why. Um, and to be fair, that
27:44
environment for rehab that I described, that was my first 10 days. That was my
27:50
unit one. Once the the physical detox had subsided to a degree. Then they
27:57
moved me over to unit two. That was a different situation. Better. It was a little better. Yeah. So, I had
28:03
a bed with a blanket. I had a little alarm clock radio um where I could listen to music. Um I
28:10
had a full bathroom. Um I mean it it was like a really cheap motel,
28:15
but it was, you know, I had a little bit of privacy. Yeah. um for a few minutes. There was a
28:21
lot a lot of meetings, a lot of sessions. Um I I think in the nearly
28:27
month I was there, I I counted them up. I did 20 I think it was 22 AA meetings.
28:34
Um and four NA meetings while I was there. Some of most of those on-site, some of them offsite
28:40
um where they would van us over a group of us to to a local meeting. Yeah, I did them. Or they would come to
28:46
us too, right? Right. um we could start ordering things from commissary. They'd make a you know like a run to the grocery store every two
28:52
weeks and you know we couldn't order our own food and stuff but that's when we could start you know that's where I started smoking cigarettes at the time
28:58
you know is trying to supplement that. Um but you could interact with other people more um and and we were eating in
29:05
a little small cafeteria type environment and I remember the food being a lot better at that point. It wasn't on a tray brought to me and and
29:11
that kind of stuff. So it it did get better. It wasn't without its issues. Yeah. Um but it it did get a little bit
29:17
better for me in that little bit better situation if you think back to it. What um what do
29:23
you think stuck in that that made you stay in somebody because you haven't relapsed since?
29:29
Correct. Right. And that's a big deal. Like you and I are part of that 10% that you get it in treatment and we keep it. we hold
29:36
on to it and you get so many years into it cuz there was a couple that was here a minute ago and and a lot of folks
29:42
think that um relapse is a part of recovery and I agreed with them. I said
29:48
yeah but there's also people that just get in recovery and they stay in recovery but there's a small percentage
29:55
I want to say it's 10%. But what do you think back to in that
30:00
time that made you if you could name it like what made it stick? Was it something in treatment that made it
30:05
stick that or or was it 12 steps? So, it it's my wife to be honest with
30:12
you. Girlfriend girlfriend at the time. Wife now. Yeah. My wife. Um she I I knew like I
30:19
I wish she was on camera. We could see her face. I knew for months leading up to this again I I'd given up hope on life. You
30:26
know, I I I had developed the mentality that all the dreams and things I had hoped of having as an adult were just
30:32
that they were dreams. They were never going to happen. I figured I was going to be dead in a few months. And then
30:39
once I got out of rehab, um I mean, it was it was not easy. Um you know, for
30:45
the for the first little over a week after I got out, I didn't even tell anybody I was out. My mother, nobody. I
30:51
didn't tell anybody. I just hid at my girlfriend's house um and just hung out with her cuz I had to decompress. I
30:58
couldn't just jump back into the real world. Did mom know where you were? She did. She found out after I went.
31:04
Um so that happened, but honestly, it was a level of accountability. Um, but
31:12
then at the same time there was all of a sudden once my sober mind started seeing
31:18
things differently, I started to get that hope back of having the dreams and the life that I'd always wanted that I
31:25
thought were out of reach. Um, explain some of that. Like you're talking about success to an extent,
31:31
find, you know, success with my business at the time, success with my children, success in a relationship. All those
31:39
things I had felt like were just going to be lost on me and I wasn't going to have them and I gave up on them. Um, but
31:45
with her, the fact that she stuck with me through my nearly month of rehab and
31:51
she's the one that came and got me through all that, she was there and she
31:57
stuck around for it and she was there with me to help me after. and she told me that she honestly thought that when I
32:04
came out of rehab with a sober mind that she would that I would leave her and go
32:10
back to my wife in a moment of clarity. Now, to be honest, it went the other way around. But, um, when I realized she'd stuck
32:18
around, even thinking that that was going to happen, [snorts] I knew, okay, there's there's hope for me out there.
32:26
And she even again, she she did some things to hold me accountable. Yeah. Um, you know, I I would go to the drugstore
32:32
and I'd buy a couple of urine tests and we had to keep them under the bathroom sink and one of the rules was if at any
32:38
point in time she wanted me to go get tested, I had to stop what I was doing. No argument and I had to go take a test.
32:46
Yeah. Um, so, you know, again, I had various levels of accountability, but then I started seeing life as I wanted it to be
32:54
again that I hadn't seen in so long. That's good, man. And um and then I went and got my sobriety date tattooed on my
33:01
arm. Um where you got it at? It's right there on my left forearm over here. 91916.
33:08
And um you know, I didn't want to have to line through it and redo it a couple of times. So there's that, too. But
33:14
that's good. You like the list of girlfriends or something? So there there's a lot of things. But
33:20
but quite honestly, I started having a deeper relationship with her. a deeper
33:26
relationship with my kids. Um, you know, my daughter at the time was super young
33:31
and, you know, there was not much of a relationship between her and I and so
33:38
some things started coming around to where I was able to start having a better relationship with her just because my mind was clear. Mhm.
33:45
Um, and you know, again, to be honest, one of the things that stuck with me, and there was a few, but one of the
33:51
things that stuck with me from rehab is they did explain to me, they said, "All [snorts] the problems you had before you
33:58
went to rehab are going to be there when you get out." Yeah. You just had to deal with them differently. Did they teach you like um I'm I'm glad
34:05
you brought that up. Uh do [clears throat] you feel like they did a good job of of pointing that out with the transition plan or just pointing
34:11
that out and then you need to figure this out? pointing it out and then telling me to figure it out. Yep.
34:17
They they they didn't really give me resources and tools. Um once I was out
34:23
of there, there was there was nothing. I've not had any contact or communication with them since the rehab center. Yeah. No, I get that. I mean, and and
34:30
that's what that's why I feel like recovery is a great thing and needs to continue to evolve. you know, outside of
34:36
people like you and I sharing stories, we got to help people with understanding that
34:42
you still have these problems when you get out. You know, we may not know what every problem is, but there's ways to deal with it and and be able to connect
34:49
and and um help people in that situation. One way is, you know, I gave you a copy
34:56
of the book I wrote. Now, it's not meant like my marriage didn't make it. Your your other marriage didn't make it. And
35:01
that's fine. It's it's I'm not saying that all marriages should make it, but for the ones that do fight, you know, there's not a lot there for spouses
35:07
either. So, we want to help spouses understand, male spouses and female spouses that go through this because now
35:13
they're in, you know, I say this often, um they're in recovery with us, you know what I mean? Um not only they're holding
35:20
you accountable, um they're they're kind of along for the ride, you know? I didn't I didn't realize until after
35:26
I'd been out for a few months, if if not longer. Um, and and again, she was my
35:32
girlfriend at the time. What she actually went through while I was in rehab and through that recovery
35:38
process, I I was so wrapped up in my recovery and what I was doing, I wasn't
35:44
considering to the fullest extent what impact it had on her. Yeah.
35:49
Or even my ex-wife for that matter. But I have since heard stories of,
35:54
you know, my my girlfriend at time, my wife now, crying at night and just, you
35:59
know, just really beside herself struggling with it. And um, you know, it it breaks my heart to think that I put
36:06
her through that. Yeah. Um, but you're absolutely right. I feel like a lot of that gets lost in the
36:12
background. Yeah. They they kind of get they're not forgotten about, but they're just not talked about. You know what I
36:17
mean? um as we, you know, go into almost landing the plane here with with this.
36:23
Um you you've moved on since then. You've been in recovery now for a long time. You're coming up on
36:28
be 10 years. 10 years. September the what? 19th. 16th. 16th. Sorry. September 19th.
36:34
I'm September 27th. So we'll we'll we'll take our wives out to dinner and celebrate that way. Absolutely. Um because 10 years is a big deal, Ryan.
36:41
That's a big deal. Um, but what you're
36:46
talking to a guy out there that's just like you 10 years ago and and you're telling them the most encouraging thing
36:51
you could tell them. What would that be uh coming from you today? Like what what
36:57
words of encouragement would you give a listener? That you have to put in the work. It is work.
37:02
Mhm. But it is beyond imaginable when when you when you get sober and you put
37:10
a little bit more recovery behind you. As time goes on, it does get easier.
37:15
Yeah. I'm not saying it ever gets easy, but with time it does get easier. And life
37:22
after recovery, I think, is better than before addiction simply because you now
37:29
have a better understanding and appreciation for things that you took for granted ahead of time.
37:34
Yeah. And um you know, having support is important, but you have to do the work,
37:39
right? You have to do the work, but it's well worth it. Now, we're going to call her your wife now. No more the girlfriend then, wife
37:45
now. But your wife now, when you got out of treatment, when did you guys decide to get married?
37:50
Um, so we got married in December of 17. All right. So, how important was it to
37:56
you for you and and and for her to just continue to got to know get to know each
38:01
other in your recovery for let's say that first year? It was real important. It was it was
38:07
super important because even though we we had been dating for a while and
38:12
actually known each other for well over a decade at that point, I think. Um but even though we'd been dating for a
38:18
little while, um I was a different person. Yeah, I was a different person. That's why I wanted you to say that.
38:25
People need to know we're different people. I I'll be honest, I was scared. You know, part of me while in rehab and even
38:30
shortly after was like, is she gonna still love the the new me?
38:38
Because it is my my attitude was different. My mentality on life was different. My work ethic was different.
38:44
Everything was different about me. And um she never really seriously knew that
38:49
aspect of me. And it it was like being with a different person altogether. And I all I could do was hope that it was
38:55
going to be that she would love me just as much if not more than the addicted me. Yeah. Um
39:03
as we kind of come into the close, like I was saying, I have to point out that
39:08
um you're you're well known in this area for for the work that that you do. Um
39:13
and people can find you on social media and I I suggest that you go look Ryan up. Um but tell us a little bit about
39:20
your work. what do you do um in your line of business? And and uh if somebody wants to connect with you, is that okay?
39:26
Absolutely. Absolutely. So, I run a home inspection business. I've been doing it
39:31
for around 25 years, a little bit more. Um and and and I want to add this in if
39:37
I can. You you say whatever you So there was a lot of shame that I felt like I felt a
39:46
lot of embarrassment and even for the first few years after rehab I didn't
39:53
talk about it. I didn't share it with anybody. And then as time went on I started
39:59
realizing more and more that that's what a lot of people do. that there are way
40:05
more people out there struggling with things like this than I realized. And
40:11
it's who I am. And once I I got to that mentality, I
40:16
wanted to be able to express to other people, it's it's not something to be embarrassed by or ashamed of. If you if
40:23
you if you feel like you need help, you know, if if you were like I was and you
40:28
felt like you just couldn't do it yourself, it was too much and you didn't have anybody, find somebody. Reach out to somebody. Um
40:35
and yeah, I'm Ryan Peele. I'm all over social media. Um here locally, I should say.
40:41
Um reach out to me, you know. Feel free to send me a direct message or uh or or
40:46
call me. My contact information is all over there. I I I want to be able to help somebody at this point. I feel like
40:53
so much was given to me at this point in life. Mhm. I feel like the least I can do is is
40:58
help somebody else that's struggling with what I went through because doing it by yourself is absolutely
41:05
plausible, but it's it's hard. It's hard. It's really hard. I mean, it's it's hard doing it with with others around you. But,
41:11
man, I uh I commend you on coming and because when we had lunch, you know, I
41:16
don't think you were nervous. I think you were just unsure about is now the
41:21
right time to come on and just give a we didn't share your whole story but we got we had a pretty good glimpse inside of
41:27
it you know and what I want people to understand when they when they hear this is that
41:33
you can be a father you can have a marriage that didn't work um you can
41:40
have all these things that feel like just p you're getting hit with all these things these life curveballs but you
41:47
still you still can find recovery. You can still choose this um and then fix
41:53
these things that aren't a part of your life all the time, but they're still a part of who you are and then just, you
41:58
know, move on and and and and be this new person in recovery and be a successful person in recovery. And and
42:04
as a as a a nonprofit, I have to say, you know, thank you so much for your support and and all that you do to help
42:09
me. I mean, since the time that we had lunch, which was um through a connection through a mutual friend is, you know,
42:15
we've been able to text and chat and just being able to text is it just helps me stay in my sobriety. Yeah. Um so, I
42:22
just want to say thank you for that. And and I have to say that I'm very very very proud of you for for the work that
42:28
you do. Um and for coming on the recovery bell and just sharing your story and giving us a peak inside
42:34
being given the platform. I I think talking about it and and again this is my first time sitting down and having
42:40
this level of conversation about my story with anybody other than my wife. Yeah. Um you know it's it's
42:47
I feel a liar. Yeah. And if I can help somebody else that's that's what I really want to do. You did a great great job, man. Thank
42:54
you. Yeah. And keep up the the social media post. I love seeing these these houses you're in. Anybody that's out there that
43:00
that that has a house and you put a hot water heater, a toilet, an electrical box in the same room in a garage, I can
43:07
tell you right now that's not right. Am I right? That's not right. Well, Ryan, thank you again for coming on the podcast. I truly have enjoyed
43:13
this conversation. Thank you very much. Hey, I want to say thank you so much to Ryan for being on the podcast today. In
43:19
his episode, we talked a lot about coming up an addiction with a family of four children and a marriage that just
43:25
didn't make it. And I think this episode would be something that a lot of us can relate to. But hopefully what you do
43:31
relate to is you hear his story in sobriety. So thank you for tuning in to the Recovery Bout Podcast. If you're
43:37
not, you can follow us on YouTube, our Instagram, our Facebook, even on our Tik Tok. We'll see you next time.