Alcohol, Motherhood & Finding My Reason to Get Sober | Katie Garner's Story
In this episode of the Recovery Vow Podcast with Eric Kennedy, Katie Garner shares her journey through addiction, motherhood, and finding her reason to get sober. Katie opens up about the desire for acceptance that followed her from a young age, how drinking became a way to cope, and the moments that ultimately forced her to look at the life she was living. Now in recovery, she reflects on motherhood, mental health, and discovering a reason to choose a different future. Katie's story is a reminder that understanding your "why" can become a powerful part of recovery.
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ABOUT ERIC KENNEDY Eric Kennedy is the founder of Recovery Vow and the author of Marriage After Addiction and Loving Them Without Losing Us. Drawing from his own journey through addiction, recovery, and more than fifteen years of sobriety, Eric helps individuals and couples navigate the difficult work of rebuilding trust, strengthening relationships, and creating a healthier life after addiction.
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I have Katie Gardner joining me on the Recovery Vow podcast today. And I found Katie on uh Tik Tok, which is a great platform for people like myself and like Katie to kind of get our message out there. I'm excited to have Katie on because I have followed her and listened
0:16
to the inspiration she gives, her vulnerability. She's just out there and she she doesn't mind sharing. And so I'm excited to have Miss Katie on the Recovery Bell podcast today.
0:38
Katie, thank you so much for being with us. How are you doing?
0:41
Uh, thank you for having me. I'm doing good. Yeah. Yeah. Doing really good.
0:46
Okay. I I've got to ask before we talk about anything that got us, you know, into addiction and and things like that because everybody's, you know, gonna
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want to hear your story. What made you get on TikTok and dive right into it? Is it like an outlet for you?
1:03
Yeah. Yeah. It was just going to be journal entries for me to see my progress throughout and I honestly I
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just didn't think anyone would see it. I didn't have Tik Tok. I downloaded it
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like the day I made a video. I guess my perception of how it worked is pretty it's dumb, but yeah, I just felt like it
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was going to be something for me. I didn't think about making my profile private so that you know like and it
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just took off and I didn't know how to process it. I think I
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was worried about who had seen it and what they were thinking. And then, you know, I went viral overnight and I
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didn't even look at it. My um sister texted me and was like, "Have you seen what your video is doing?" And I was like, "No." And then I opened it and I
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was like, "So, is it a video that you made and uploaded or was it like you you had enough followers, you went live and then it kind of posted?" I don't know how Tik
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Tok works really. I mean, I get on there, but I'm a lot older than you, I think. So, what what was the video and how did you what do you think made it go viral?
2:16
Well, it was a long video. I just got on the app, pressed play, and just started talking. I think it was close to 10 minutes. I have not watched that video
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in so long. It's very cringy to me. But, you know, I was 14 days sober. I was struggling. I had a decent day that day
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and I wanted to remember that. I was still struggling with certain withdrawals and you know I
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called myself an alcoholic and I don't know what grabbed people and maybe it was my the start of my video and how I
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said it. I don't know but I was just raw and honest about it and talking to myself.
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So I don't know it just took off. I think it's I think it's amazing apps
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like this is um uh what gets me excited about forward thinking recovery, young
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thinking recovery because you know there's there's programs and 12step programs and meetings and all that I think people should go to if it's for
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them but you those small rooms will reach you know people and I'm not going to say small amounts of people they reach a
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bunch of people but when you have an opportunity to reach millions of people at one time and that's what you're doing. you're giving hope and a look
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inside of what the addiction did and all that and you you're very like I said transparent about it but then you walk with people through your day-to-day life
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you know at 14 days sober versus you know 22 months and I think that's incredible and I think that's why I
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follow you even as a dude and I've been in recovery for 16 years it's good to see what what are people
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doing so that we can learn from you like are you still going to meetings are doing something different. Did you How much stuff did you change and and
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mentally how much stress did you put on yourself?
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Yeah, I do go to meetings at times. I go few and far between now. I was going a lot and I felt like it was affecting my
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mental health about it because I was constantly focusing on it. You know, certain things happened when I was going to meetings that kind of pulled me away
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from the program in a sense because it made me feel judged or just a type of way. I don't know how to explain it.
4:37
Kind of depressing sometimes. I didn't mean to cut you off.
4:40
Yeah. I've walked out of meetings and been like, "That was heavy." Right. It's good to hear about how people are in
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where they're at in sobriety, right? But yeah, some of them are really tough and it can hit you in a way where you haven't been focusing on that kind of
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thing in your life and then all of a sudden it's like, okay, well, now I'm focusing back on that. Yeah. I mean, the
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program serves its purpose and it works well for a lot of people. I don't I don't work the program the way you
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should if you're in it, right? I did work the steps, but now I uh work it in a different way. I work it in my way.
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And it's was pointed out to me in an aggressive way at one point. This is not a you program. It's a Wii program. And I was like, well, where is everybody?
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I'm alone and none of you are really open to talking to me, which was really hard, but I was in a bad place
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and I can recognize that I was probably pretty unapproachable.
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Yeah, I get that. I think one thing that you and I share, well, I know we do, is we don't mind breaking our anonymity to
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let people know that we're openly in recovery. I think everybody's in recovery. And I say this all the time on this podcast or in the workshops or5:56
whatever, but I think everybody's in some kind of recovery.
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And it's on us to figure out what's going to be best for us to walk through our recovery. What kind of tools, resources can we get our hands on?
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because not everybody was in addiction or the same addiction that I was in when I go to those those meetings. They all it's like a piss and match in a way like
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and and and the phrases the phrases that are kind of coined or talked about. I'm not putting it down. I promise you, but I'm I'm just in agreement with you.
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The biggest thing though that I did love about that was the 12 steps. I can I can say that the 12 steps uh helped me kind
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of walk back through the past and and I think I use this as like our segue to kind of talk about the past. But you know once you get to part of those steps
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where you have to you know make the amend or write the list and then forgive yourself and then get it to a place to where you know you make amends and things like that that helped me a ton.
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And then the maintenance what they call them maintenance steps like 10 11 and 12.
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Mhm. You know, that's those are those are big steps that help keep me sober.
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But then being able to watch folks like you kind of thrive and flourish and be transparent, that helps keep keep me sober, but I did want to kind of segue.
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You put on this like you didn't really want to talk about your childhood. And I don't want to dig anywhere that you don't want to dig, but tell us what little Katie was like or young Katie and and do you remember your first
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experience with drinking or whatever your drug of choice was?
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Yeah. Um, my childhood was a little rough for me. My parents got divorced when I was young, so everything shifted
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very quickly at a young age. Um, [sighs] I struggled with mental health from that
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point on when I look back at it. And it's hard as an adult to recognize that
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you have struggled with mental health since you were a child. you know, it's not like I got any period of time where
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I didn't and you know, I have in working the steps and everything, there's forgiveness
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there and it's you move on. It's not benefiting me to look back at the past.
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I can't change it. I can change what the future looks like, but I can't change that. So, but I focused on it for a long
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time. And you know, my first addiction was food. I talk openly about that. And then that was a struggle for me for a
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long time. I'm a binge eater and then it turned into other eating issues when I got older, which is also hard to look at the reasons behind why and all of that.
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But yeah, so as time went on, I was an overweight kid. I got made fun of. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin at all times. Then my first drinking
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experience, I was 15. Talked about that before. It was at a college party. I shouldn't have been there, right? Um,
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but I was not hooked on alcohol from the start. I felt I felt it, but I was not
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wasted by any means. I didn't like the feeling.
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What year was it? How How old were you or what year was it when you were 15? 2008. 2008.
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Yeah. Yeah, it was I think it was the summer of 2008 or somewhere in there. I don't remember. But yeah, so then I
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didn't drink a lot after that. I had drank a couple of times. I wanted to.
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This is something I don't necessarily talk about, but I wanted to be cool.
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Really, you know, when I look at it, it's like, oh, okay, I wanted to be cool, so I thought using a substance would make me cool.
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kind of evolved into that in a sense like popularity came into play probably my senior year a little bit. I wouldn't
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say I was overly popular but more than it was before and I went out on the weekends and I drank but you know
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my siblings were always popular and had fun and had parties to go to and um I wanted to be like them.
10:03
I I can totally relate to that. when I was 15 or even younger, like when I was a freshman in high school, I I wanted to
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make sure I I hung out with some of the older crowd because one, they could drive and I was just ready for that next
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season of life of what is next. You know what I mean? Like we're I'm done with middle school or junior high, whatever you want to call it. I'm ready to let's go do big things.
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And what I meant by meant by that was let's I want to smoke some pot. I want to try it. I want to drink. I wanted to
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do everything. It's funny that it's it's like we're trying to mask something with that um desire. You know what I mean?
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Like some people do it and it it doesn't grab them like it grabbed us and and whatever.
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Yeah. I just I can totally relate to that. I just wanted to be older than I was all the time and now I want to be younger.
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I think I wanted acceptance. Yeah.
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Which is weird. I mean, when you look at it, it's like I want acceptance and I have to use the substance to feel like I'm accepted. It's hard to look at the
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reasons behind why I was doing what I was doing.
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Do you remember or if you don't mind sharing like when you started doing all this, I know things were fun and cool and and they should be because we didn't know that we were addicts then. We were
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just having a good time. So, it was some of it some of it was fun, you know, even though we and again I can relate to the um mental health issues that I didn't
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know I had cuz I I had buried them or covered them up. When you think back, Katie, to maybe high school or even out of high school, what was
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what would you say just just for listeners? You may have shared this before, but just for the listeners of this podcast and when it does come out, what was like your lowest?
11:44
Probably when I decided to end my marriage. Okay. Yeah. And you guys are married for how long? Nine and a half years.
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Okay. Yeah.
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What made that the the lowest point? I mean, I know a marriage ending. My marriage ended also. But um
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uh what what was it? What was the thing?
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What was the day? What was the moment when you look back?
12:09
It was in May. I didn't feel like I could do it anymore. You know, I when I look at it, I couldn't do it anymore
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because of who I had become. And there was a lot of guilt there. And I felt that he deserved better. And I have this
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like coping mechanism of if I leave, they're not going to leave me. I'm beating them to it, but also they
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deserve better. And I know that. And what that led to was a downward spiral.
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It was already a downward spiral, but when I left, it turned into chaos and anger, resentment, terrible decisions.
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Yeah. That's hard to look at because it was 11 months. I got sober 11 months after we got divorced. I never would
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have thought I would have ever gotten sober. I didn't want to because it was working for me. Gave me a social life.
13:06
It was numbing everything. There came a point where I was able to be honest with myself and others about certain things.
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And it was like things that I was keeping in. And I remember saying to myself, "Why are you drinking like this anymore? Why are you drinking like this
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still? Because it's all out there. And I was drinking to numb a lot of that.
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And then it took me about probably another 6 weeks and I reached my breaking point with it. I never would
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have guessed the last night I drank was going to be the last night I drank. Really? What was that last night?
13:43
I had an art show at my the salon I worked at cuz I was a hair stylist and we had local art in there. So, art shows every once in a while and I went there.
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Worked until like 3:00 in the afternoon, left there. I could I remember feeling like, "Oh my gosh, I can't wait to go
14:05
pick up this these two bottles of wine and get ready and drink while I'm getting ready." Uh, I killed an entire
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bottle of wine in in 45 minutes to an hour. I had not eaten that day. I got ready.
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Good wine or was it like out of the box?
14:22
Cuz I would drink the stuff the box wine with the spot on it.
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I used to do that, too, where you slap the bag. We don't have to get too far into that if you don't know what it is.
14:30
We can say whatever you want. I cut the corner just to pour the last drop out.
14:34
Yeah. And don't get me wrong, I mean, I've drank box wine for sure. don't like. I did like Franzia when I was younger and then it changed. But yeah,
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so [snorts] I drank Apothec Red. That was my wine of choice and it was $12.68
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and I which when you do the math, it's funny that you could remember the amount too, huh?
15:01
Yeah, I was, you know, I saw it every day. Yeah, I would drink 80 glove every day.
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It was $6. Well, in the beginning, and then it got to be a fifth, but it was like $6 and some change. And when that you throw in that can of Diet Coke with it, it was like even seven.
15:15
Yeah. I drank that entire bottle, got ready, got in my car, and I was driving to my work, which is like a 20 minute
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drive from me. Mind you, it's a Saturday at like 5:00 p.m. I was driving down a road that has a lot of traffic. It's a
15:32
two-lane road. The speed limit's pretty high for being a two-lane road. I started to black out. I went into the other lane and I
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came to and I corrected back into my lane at the last second. And there were
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15 minutes, 49 seconds
cars, so many cars behind me, in front of me, behind the other car. It would have been catastrophic. Like, and I
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struggled to even look at that because I could have ended somebody else's life or mine. The hard part for me, I wasn't very I wasn't phased.
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I didn't really feel a whole lot from that. And because I was wasted, I think, but I did get to my work and I was like,
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I'm not going to drive tonight after this. So, I didn't. But yeah, I got to the art show. I drank an entire bottle of wine in an incredible amount of time.
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And I was so drunk. And I have videos and pictures
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of me that night. And I look at them every once in a while as a reminder. Yeah. Just think that's important.
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Yeah, it is. I'm glad, as weird as it is, I'm glad that I have documentation of the last night I drank. I have a video of my last drink I ever had.
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Really? Yeah. A lot of people don't have that. Yeah.
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And that's what And when I say it's important, it makes me just think like the people that are in like those rooms we were talking about, even myself,
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cell phones came out, like I had a cell phone, but not the ones that had a camera on it and all that kind of stuff. And so there's there's not a whole lot of video
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evidence or picture, which is good, but being as young as you are, you have you you kind of have that. And I think that
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it can help people. Like you said, it helps you stay in your sobriety, but then, you know, it could trip people up. I guess I could look at it both ways.
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But I think it's that's forward thinking recovery is that I have these images to look at and I can say if you thought about having a drink today, you look at
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that, you're like, "No, I don't want I want to do that." And I can again, every every story you've told so far, I can see myself and I hope people that are listening to this
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can see their yourself in that because I I I would drink in the morning and I remember driving too down the interstate. I did wreck. Now, luckily, I didn't hit anybody. I just I wrecked.
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But yeah, um I threw my kid's car seat out of the the the truck I had at the time. I don't drive trucks anymore. I just remember waking up on the side of the road and I
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saw my kids car seat um laying on the side road. That'll hit you.
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Yeah. And so that's when I checked myself into I want to say a mental hospital, but it was a detox facility that focused on mental health and
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healthy detox. But let's let's kind of um move on. One of the things that that
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you talked about was mental health and you kind of gotten into your recovery.
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Now, one of the questions we asked was what inspired you to start your journey in recovery and you put mental health and for my son. A lot of times they
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wanted we need to do this for ourel but you mentioned your son. How much of a of a role if you're thinking in a forward thinking recovery aspect? You got
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pictures and things like that. How much does your son mean to your recovery? And I know that's a simple question, but how much can you share about how much he helps keep you sober?
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He is my recovery. I don't know how else to put that.
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Without him, no, I wouldn't be here. I'm confident in that. I shouldn't say that, right? But I had reached a point in my
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mental health where I would think about him if I weren't here anymore, what it would do to him.
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But my pain was so deep. I felt he would be better without me. I didn't want him to watch me grow up like this. You know,
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just an alcoholic wrecked all the time, emotional, angry.
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Forget it. Again, I get it. I mean, I tried to end it twice and I've got two two little boys at the time. Um, and it
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was kind of like what you said about the divorce earlier. It was easier for us to leave the situation and that more selfish than the
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selfishness we're taught when we're think about being in recovery. You know, we have to think for oursel first and put oursel first. And we do that in addiction, too, when we're trying to
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remove oursel first. You know, I I just think it's important for people because people will hear this and they're going to listen because it's you and and they just get that little
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glimpse of you being a mom and how important your you being a mom um impacts your recovery. um your your son
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and I just I'm glad you were able to share that.
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Yeah, you're doing some big things right now, Katie. What what um how are you using your influence on Tik Tok? I I think
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that's you're only on when you go live or do most of your work, it's it's on Tik Tok. There's not a lot on Instagram or Facebook, but um but what you're
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doing right now, how has that changed or helped you? And and how are you using it to help others?
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I think my vulnerable, honest approach helps others feel comfortable to reach out to me, which is what I wanted
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because I've struggled so much in life with my mental health and then it turned into struggling with addiction. I have an understanding of it. The purpose of
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my platform is to help others. I'm talking about addiction. I'm not talking about my I'm not doing a day in the life
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video. I'm not doing stuff like that, which are great. And that's some people's platforms. It's just not mine.
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And I find it very rewarding to know people who are struggling that day see a
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video of mine and it makes them feel better about themselves or less alone or
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maybe it's just something they needed to hear that day about thinking about somebody else in their life. And you know, I've educated myself a lot on
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addiction and mental health. I have dedicated a lot of time to that because it's important to me if I'm going I'm
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not certified. I don't have a college degree. I talk about my experience.
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I relate to people in real ways, not textbook ways, right? Like I can't diagnose you. I can't tell you
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exactly what to do. I can tell you what I did. I can tell you how I felt in that certain situation.
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I've always wanted to help people. I don't know, you know, I was a hair stylist. I wanted to help women feel beautiful cuz I never did.
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I now have transitioned to addiction and mental health. I want to help people with theirs as much as I can without degrees and certifications.
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And a lot of Did you do that? A lot of the time people want real life.
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They want to know somebody out there has gone through the exact same thing as them. I'm overcoming this. If they haven't yet, hopefully that can motivate
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them and let them know it's okay. You can get through it and come out on the other side.
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When you sit down and you prepare the these videos, are you creating content and like writing everything out before you turn the camera on so that you know
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like you have a flow? I know it's probably not the same when you go live, but when you when you're creating these videos where you're sitting and talking to us, you make us feel really like
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we're in that room with you, which is not a lot of people can do that. Do you already have that kind of setup what you're going to talk about that day or it's just you're winging it?
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I wing it every time. I might think of a topic. I'll think of a topic that I want to talk about that I'm struggling with or I find interesting that others might.
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Um, I cannot read a script. I cannot read a script and make a video. I know people can and make it feel like they're not. I can't do that.
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I can't.
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It wouldn't be authentic. It wouldn't sound like me.
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I really appreciate you saying that because I've been struggling with that, too.
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Like, because I am older, but I'm trying to put content out there.
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when you turn this camera on, I I kind of turn into, you know, 1-800 number, you know, and try to figure out how to change my voice, the way I'm sitting or
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whatever. And it's just being yourself make it's often hard. So, I've tried that scripted thing and it's it's it
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works sometimes, but it's I've told the people that asked me to do it, it's just not my DNA. It's not me. It's you're not getting Eric, you know, the one um that
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wants to tell you what I did and how I did it.
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So, I get that. But you do a really really good job of it. And you don't have to have graduated from college to be an expert in in addiction. Let the
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experts be the experts. You are the expert because you're the ones that they're talking to. Um and now you could be the person that relates to the people
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they're talking to. I think that's that's incredible. Yeah.
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And the reason I was asking that is, you know, I I think you should get into some some kind of coaching, some kind of platform, build out something in to do
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because you have a gift of helping people. Do you feel like it's a majority? I'm assuming yes. The majority of people you're reaching are are women,
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young moms, or do you feel like they're And do you feel like they are still like in their addiction or you may have caught them in their recovery part?
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I mean, it's been a variety. I will say this, for the most part, it's been about a 50/50 split cuz you can in your analytics between met women, the
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percentage of who's following you. You can see where in the country or the world majority of your following is from
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people who are struggling. Um, but also people in sobriety. I'll be honest, it feels like lately a lot of what I'm getting is people who are still
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struggling in addiction, whereas before it was more so people who were already sober and have been. But yeah, it's like
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it's kind of shifted lately, which is great like just in the the audience, how many
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people that are still struggling and reaching out. I still get people reach out that reach out that are sober and
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hemp and but people are reaching out for help, advice, stuff like that because they are struggling so much and not just
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with addiction but mental health without addiction.
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It's true. How often are you doing something daily? Are you putting out more than one video a day or No. No, I never have. Uh I I don't want
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to I don't want to put a bunch of random stuff out there, you know? I have my style of doing it. I'm comfortable in
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that. That's how I operate. I'll post a video every other or every couple of days because it's important to me to talk about something meaningful. And if
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it's something where, okay, that's a topic about sobriety or mental health, but I don't have experience with it or I don't have a whole lot to say about it,
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I don't I'll touch on it in a video, but I don't dedicate a video to it. I love that.
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When you think about all the videos you've made on this platform, Tik Tok, what's been the one that you can remember like off the cuff? It was like
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one of the best ones or a live that you did where you maybe reached someone that you know that you helped change their life. Maybe one of
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like you think can you think of one of each? Has there been one video that that did really really well and you remember what the content was and then was there
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a live where you connected with someone and then afterwards you you know that you made an impact in their life? My
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video that sticks out in my head that was rewarding but very hard was the one
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my 10-month video where somebody had messaged me and wanted me to talk about what it's like to be married to an addict from the spouse's perspective.
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And so I dove, it was a 10-minute video.
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I dove into who I had become, the things I had done.
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um and how it affected him. I actually elaborated on the repercussions of my
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actions when it comes to his mental health, the way it changed for him because I did the things I did
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and how hard it was for him on a regular basis because of my actions and the
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things I said, which is hard. I cannot even begin to explain the amount of
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guilt and shame around that because he put his all into our marriage. He did.
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Nobody's perfect. Nobody's going to be perfect, but I checked out.
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Yeah, I did. So, that video was very rewarding. It hit a million views in less than 24 hours.
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I hadn't told my ex-husband I made that video and then he was dropping our kid off the next day and I said, "Hey, so I made this video and it hit a million
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views in less than 24 hours. I think you should watch it." And so he did and we had a little conversation about it. But yeah, that one hit home for a lot of
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people. So I have a few videos where I gained 80,000 followers from. Wow, that's incredible.
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Yeah. No, I've got to ask, is he just Was he the supporting spouse of someone in addiction or was he was he in addiction, too?
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No, he was not in addiction. That was just me. So, he handled it with grace.
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Well, well, I wouldn't have.
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I get it. No, I get it. My ex didn't either. That's That's why I mean this this is not a sales pitch that But I'm just I had to show it. My producers will
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get mad. But that's why that's why I wrote marriage after addiction. It's written to the supportive spouse. So it was written to your ex-husband. It was
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written to my ex-wife, but it's also now for your future husband or and my current wife. Like we they have
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something. It helps them understand who we are. But it's practical so that we can walk in recovery together. We were
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we you and I were in the addiction alone, right?
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But now we can be in the recovery together. And I just I want people's relationships to work. Can I ask you about your ex? Are you guys on on good
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terms? Like if y'all y'all co-parent together, one thing you said that um in your in your bio, you guys co-arent well, but was he a part of your 12 steps when you made a men?
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Yep. That's great. Yeah, that was a hard one.
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When he sees you on TikTok, does does he is he supportive?
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He's very supportive. He does not watch all of them. I do not blame him. He is very supportive. He understands what it has done for me and our son and he is
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proud of me. He's Yeah.
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He has forgiven me and I needed that more than anything. I'm not sure I would have forgiven me. I don't think I would have but that's the kind of person he
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is. We didn't make it and it's hard to look at that. I get it.
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And I've talked about it before because sorry I generally do not get emotional about this anymore. No, we can cut. We can We can do whatever
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you need to do if you need a minute. I'm not trying to make you cry. I just We talk about it. It's okay. I cry.
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I know. I've seen it. I've watched I've seen you cry. It's not that I enjoy it.
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I just It's not new for me. I've seen you cry.
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I think it's part of the draw that what gets you people gets people there with you because you're just something about your transparency is you you're very
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very good at what you do and that's why you've gone viral and that's why you reach people. You're being used to um to reach other people
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in ways that counselors can't. People that went to school to do um what you want to do like help people.
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They're being brought to you through Tik Tok. You know, one thing we have to be care I remember trying to do a live one time. You have to be careful what you
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say on TikTok, right? You can't use certain words and things like that or you'll get cut off. Is that right?
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Yeah. Yeah. Um it is much more strict now than what it was before, which is interesting.
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Yeah. It almost feels like I have to tiptoe around how I help, which is why I tell people to message me especially about certain topics because it's like I
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don't know how to word this to where I can't I won't get a restriction. So that's when I'm like, "Okay, message me." Because you're not going to get a restriction from messages. You're not.
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But I want to help them in the moment, right? Because this is like an opportunity. Like your moment was going to that salon that day, getting back on
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your side of the road. That was your moment. they could my my moment was calling for help one night, you know, and
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giving somebody an opportunity to to help me, you know, and so you don't know how many people you can impact in in
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their moment. Uh, I got to ask that though, like I saw you were on live last night and I chatted with you just for a minute just to let you know I was excited about hanging out with you
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today. But when you openly invite people to reach out to you, how is there like a a way that you help them for like are
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you giving them encouragement for just a certain amount of time and then you know you just say I'm here if you need me or like what what are you doing when you're telling them that you're you're open to
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help them out? Like are you trying to be a sponsor to a million people? What are what's your what what are people going to get when they reach out to you?
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No, I don't want to be a sponsor. I don't try to be through TikTok or in life. I don't want to be a sponsor. But
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yeah, they reach out if they need help, if they just need somebody to listen. If they need advice about how I got through
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something that they are struggling with that they saw a video about or whichever can help them find resources, I can Google it for you. Some people don't necessarily think that way, you know?
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It's like, okay, what do I do? The day I got sober, I was googling rehabs and AA meetings because that's all I knew how to do. So, depending on where you're at
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in the world, right? I can look that up for you. If you want to seek treatment, I can help you find treatment. You know,
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it's there's a variety of different ways I go about it. And some people just reach out because they want to have like an encouraging conversation, right?
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They've already sought help. They're sober, but they may be struggling in a certain area right now, but they they're doing what they're supposed to do.
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They're just working through it. So, yeah. I mean, I can help in a variety of different ways, but I speak on my
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experience and I only I can only help so much. Yeah. No, you're right.
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I commend you for that, too, cuz I always I'm the same. Like, I don't sponsor a lot unless people ask me direct. Look, I want you to help me walk through the steps.
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Nobody brings me people and says, "I need you to sponsor this person." I try to do it the same way, but then I don't know where to stop, you know? I'm like, "Well, here's my number. Just text me
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and just let me know you did okay today." And, you know, and so I have an alarm set at night time for I think like 8:30. you know, if I hadn't heard from a
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certain amount of people or a certain specific group, whatever that I am working with,
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most of the time I'll tell people, I'm going to help you get through steps one, two, and three, and then I want you to find someone that's going to walk with you through the rest of them, and then
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maybe we'll start over. And so, that's why I'm trying to find the balance of like cutting off because you still have to protect your time. And and with the amount of people that you probably need
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coming through uh your TikTok door, it's it's probably it's probably a lot. Probably a lot.
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Yeah, it's manageable though. What's that? It's manageable. Is it okay? Yeah.
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What do you hope to do? Okay. It's been 22 months. Katie, you've been in 22 months. You're coming up on two years.
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Um, so we can quit doing baby ages.
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You're going to be two years. We're not going to say 24 months. You're two years sober.
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What do you hope to happen in the next 22 months? What do you want to see in Katie's life?
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I've achieved, you know, so much has came to me in the last 22 months. You know, I want to continue to help others.
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Maybe a certification is in my future.
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Who knows, right? I am open to it. I will never go to college. It's not for me. But I want to continue to find different ways to help others.
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potentially start a podcast where I can open up even more and help, you know,
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have a platform for people to hear more from me about my experiences
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in a different way. Um, I would love to talk to other people in recovery, really hear their stories. is I hear stories
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through podcasts and you know on TikTok, but I love that and I definitely want to
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continue to grow my relationship with my son, which is great, you know, but he has autism and it comes with certain
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challenges, but we're working through them and I just know some more challenges will continue to come up and
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I know that I have learned certain tools to get through them and help him and do everything I can without feeling overwhelmed or want to drink about it.
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I think you do great on a podcast. Everybody does podcast. You can do this.
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48 years or 40. How old am I? 47. 47. I can do this. Um you mentioned your son has autism. Have you ever heard of the the show uh Love on the Spectrum?
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I love it. All right. So, I had Tanner on. You have Tanner? Sorry.
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Your phone right now. Are you on your phone? No. All right. Paul's mine just buzzed. I didn't realize you.
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Tanner's texting me right now. So, what I want to do for you and your son.
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Look at Tanner. He's such a Can you say that?
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I love him. I was so sad that he wasn't on the new season.
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I know. He was on He was on. So, we his podcast with us came out. This is This is why we were supposed to chat. Um,
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people ask, "Why do you have Tanner Smith and his parents coming on the podcast?" And I said, "Because I feel like
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there's going to be parents out there in recovery that have children with autism and they're going to want to know how did you get through this? What did you
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do?" Whether you're a single mom or maybe you're married one day or you're co-parenting and your child has autism.
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What's something you want people to take away with them today when they hear from you? Why do you want to be sober?
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What is driving that for you? Um is it your family? Is it your mental health?
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Is it your job or finances? Whatever. Um it's about for me it's about diving into your why. It's not just baseline, right?
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Like say it's your finances. Okay, write down what you want to do if you get your finances in line. what you can do
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or your mental health. How is that going to change? What change do you want to
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see in it? By quitting using substances and addressing your mental health and
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moving forward with life without that kind of a coping mechanism or okay uh my why is my kid. I have a list of reasons
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as to why it is my kid. So for me it's like knowing that focusing on it. I
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would when I was new to sobriety I would be triggered have urges cravings whichever and
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my mind would I it's like I trained my mind go to Mac go to Mac. I have a picture on my phone that I picture in my
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mind of of a day what we were doing and that day is him singing and dancing
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along to the ABCs on the day I decided to get sober.
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Oh yeah, that's I mean that that's sweet.
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Yeah, that's powerful.
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I can't even I just want to touch on this. I remember I haven't I don't think I've ever talked
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about this. I remember laying on the couch just a mess and
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watching him and how happy he was and he didn't know what I was going through and I wanted him to have a better mom
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and then something clicked. It was like will he feel this happiness if I'm gone?
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Will this affect him in ways where it's just he won't be like him anymore?
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cuz I am his mom and he loved me regardless and he didn't know the struggles. He just saw me
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for me. I mean the way that you you tell that I can hear the emotion in your voice and that's what's empower that's that's what's important for you to
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remember is you were able in my mind I was there like in the room watching that happen like you on the couch and I could see Mac playing. Um, and maybe it's
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because I had the same thoughts like when I wrote a suicide note and I asked my kids to forgive me.
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Our addiction changes people's lives, but our recovery also changes people's lives. And um, you change his life by
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making that decision. And things are going to be hard. I mean, we do learn that in in those rooms, you know, life on life's terms or however they word it.
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Um, we're always going to have, you know, days we have to deal with. Um, but you just learned how to deal with it.
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But moments like that makes us want to stay around to deal with them. You know what I mean? And so I'm glad you got that picture on your phone to look back at or to look at whenever.
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Me, too.
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Um, I just I have to say, uh, Katie, I I have been trying to get in touch with you for a long time, and so I'm I'm
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really glad that we got to have this opportunity together. I think it was perfect timing. Um, yeah, I want to do this again. I want to have
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you come back and and talk about more stuff. I want to dive in um to the mental health side of things as much as you would you would let us kind
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of peek inside of that. Um, yeah, I have I have issues from from my past that
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42 minutes
that gave me the the the mental health dilemma, I guess, is what I would say. I I I've dealt with it.
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depression, anxiety, hurt, abuse.
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42 minutes, 15 seconds
Um, yeah, I think it's important just as much as you talk about it on TikTok as maybe come back on on on recovery bound
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and share it for for people to hear, but I want to dive into that more if that would be okay with you.
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42 minutes, 28 seconds
Love and and the recovery stuff, man. I just I love recovery so much because you know this Katie now 22 months you're
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greater than you were you know and you're going to be greater in the next 22 months. So I'm excited to watch and see what happens. I'll be watching um I'll be watching. I appreciate everything that you put out.
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Yeah, I appreciate you asking me to be on here. This was great.
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Thank you guys for watching or listening to the Recovery About podcast today. Our network is a nonprofit and we are here
42:57
42 minutes, 57 seconds
to help people in recovery walk through life very practical. Whether you are uh married or in a relationship, maybe
43:05
43 minutes, 5 seconds
you're single and trying to figure things out. Uh you can stream this podcast and um all of our previous podcasts on any streaming platform,
43:14
43 minutes, 14 seconds
Apple, Amazon. You can also watch this episode on our YouTube channel or any of our previous ones. We would love for you to join our new school platform. That's
43:22
43 minutes, 22 seconds
going to be where we do recovery belt collective and that's our education platform. We have our own line of coffee and if you love coffee, we would love to send you some coffee. People in recovery often smoke cigarettes or drink coffee.
43:32
43 minutes, 32 seconds
I would rather drink coffee than pedal some Marbrells or Winston. So, we would love to provide you with that. But thank you for joining us today. And I got to
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say thank you again, Katie, for just being awesome. Thank you. I appreciate it.