Shame, Identity, and Making Peace With Yourself with Bridget Price & Jordan
Shame has a way of convincing us that we'll never be enough. But real healing begins when we're willing to make amends to ourselves, take responsibility for our choices, and move forward with honesty instead of shame. In this special Recovery Vow Collective bonus conversation, Collective Contributors Bridget Price and Jordan Clower share how recovery transformed the relationship they had with themselves before it transformed their relationships with others. Drawing from their own lived experience, they explore self-amends, letting go of shame, and becoming the kind of people they never believed they could be. Their stories remind us that healing isn't about erasing the past. It's about choosing a different future.
As Recovery Vow Collective Contributors, Bridget and Jordan are creating workshops and practical resources inside the Recovery Vow Collective to help others walking a similar path pursue healthier relationships and lasting transformation. The Recovery Vow Collective is an online community where individuals and couples impacted by addiction can find practical recovery resources, live workshops, expert teaching, and a supportive community committed to lasting healing.
Join the Recovery Vow Collective for free: https://www.skool.com/recovery-vow
Connect with Jordan: @jclowww
Connect with Bridget: @soberbridge
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Email: recoveryvow@gmail.com
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0:00
Thank you guys for joining us on the collective. Today we are going to do a little bit of a different call. I've got
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Jordan Clower and I've got Bridget Price. I've got these two ladies who have become friends of mine in recovery,
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but through the Recovery Bow podcast, through Recovery Bow as a whole, just I believe in these women. I believe in
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what they're doing. I believe in the way they view recovery. And so they are going to come on as experts that'll be
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creating workshops and teaching inside the collective. and they have just a a huge amount of ability to reach people
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that I can if I'm just being honest with you through their platforms and through who they are as individuals and people
0:35
in recovery. I just think that there is a huge potential there for them. So,
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welcome them to this episode of Recovery Bow Collective.
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[music] [music]
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We're going to talk about living amends and one of the hardest things in the world to do, saying I'm sorry. Now,
1:02
these amends may be things that you did maybe before Jordan, maybe before you got married. Uh Bridget, the world is
1:07
awaiting your wedding day. Can you tell us Jordan we'll start with you because Jordan you need to tell us too you went
1:13
about your recovery journey a different way than most people then and I think it's great but tell us how you chose
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recovery and then what part of the amends when did you feel like it was just time to start saying I'm sorry or
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making amends and it kind of really stuck. You can talk about whoever talk about your mom your sisters came whoever
1:31
you want to talk about. Thank you. Thank you. That was a great intro by the way. Thank you so much with my voice. [laughter]
1:37
So with uh choosing recovery, I'll start there. I um am a generational alcoholic.
1:44
So my father and his father before him were recovering Yeah. Exactly. were um
1:50
alcoholics. And so I knew my mom was kind of always the voice in the back of
1:55
my head reminding me that it that it is a family and a genetic disease. So
2:00
growing up, I always, like I said, had it in the back of my head that I might have a different relationship than the
2:06
normal person or than the average with alcohol. And so I held on to that all through high school and felt like I was
2:12
on the right road and then somewhere like between kind of gaining my freedom and still being under the
2:20
cover of of home, um, I decided that I wanted to try it. I wanted to give it a
2:26
go. And maybe my ego was a little bigger than, you know, as all as it is for like
2:32
all teens and people like coming of age. I thought that I was bigger than it or that I could control it and learned very
2:39
quickly into my drinking drinking journey that I'm not different and that
2:45
alcohol did affect me differently than it did my friends. I was always taking it a little further. I was always
2:51
blacked out while they were just drunk. I was always hung over for two or three days or didn't even have a hangover
2:58
until a day and a half later because I was still drunk. I guess it didn't come across to me until I was able to reflect
3:04
later. But when I decided it was time to quit drinking, I had given myself
3:09
alcohol poisoning. And a lot of my addiction is wrapped up in defiance, I
3:15
guess. So my mom telling me, "Hey, you you there's a pretty good likelihood that you're going to be an alcoholic."
3:21
My response was, "Let's find out. Let's test it out. Let's see. I'm not afraid. I used to always tell people, I'll try
3:27
anything twice. And I thought that was just the funniest thing in the whole entire world. Like, I'm not, you know, even if it hurts me the first time, it's
3:34
like, well, surely for me it's going to be different cuz I'm different and I'm special and I'm, you know, better than
3:41
everybody else is honestly what I was thinking. And um and I'm just not. I'm
3:46
I'm the same as as you and Bridget and and my dad and his dad. And uh so I gave
3:52
myself alcohol poisoning and I detoxed by myself at home. What did alcohol poisoning look like,
3:58
Jordan? So I at the time I didn't know that that's what it was, but I had gotten so
4:04
drunk that I started throwing up what I was calling uh black tar. And it was this like it wasn't it wasn't alcohol
4:11
vomit where we've all kind of been there. Um like an alcohol overdose where you're throwing up what you've just put
4:17
into your body. It was like acid and like things that had been inside of my
4:23
body. Yeah. I I couldn't even descri like I like I said, it was like the consistency of a black tar. And so I
4:29
sent a picture of it to this guy that I had been talking to who was a doctor.
4:34
And I was like, "Hey, what is uh what does this look like?" And he said I mean he he knew that I was a drinker. And so
4:40
he was like, "Are you like is your liver okay? Are you having that looks like alcohol poisoning?" And I was like, "Oh,
4:48
okay." Well, I wasn't going to go to the hospital. That was kind of a part of me choosing recovery on my own was that I
4:57
after that [clears throat] I was like, "Okay, if I tell anyone about this or if people realize they're going to make me
5:02
start going to AA because my like in the beginning of my sort of when people were
5:08
recognizing that I had a drinking problem, um my mom would always suggest
5:13
going to AA and I had watched my dad try and fail at AA so many times throughout
5:20
his life and his recovery that I was like, I'm not doing I'm not wasting my time there. I already know what they're going to tell me. I already know the
5:26
whole spiel. I had gone to Alatine as a kid, which I also hated because my mom
5:32
was making me go. But I I just didn't like the whole um you this is what you
5:38
can or can't say or this is how we speak in this room. And to me, that was just
5:43
the antithesis of everything that I couldn't handle. So in my mind I
5:48
thought, okay, if I decide that I don't want to drink anymore, that means that like there are no rules. That just means
5:55
the only rule is you don't get to drink anymore. And so of course that works at first, but eventually you
6:03
have to find something outside of yourself that works for you, which love
6:08
AA and I love that that's a resource. Um, but like I said, I got sober so I didn't have to go to AA. Um, and what I
6:16
didn't realize is that going to AA is just the beginning. So like that actually has nothing to do with my
6:21
recovery at all. And it was a choice and a decision that I had to make for myself
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by myself in order to execute the actions that luckily we have programs
6:31
like AA and school and recovery vow to kind of help us navigate that. So right,
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that's kind of I don't think you Bridget or myself would ever beat up any organization or
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any [snorts] um anonymous group. I mean, it works for
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some people, but u and and I I went through it, too. I went through a 12step program, but I like the way you put it.
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It was almost like that's something you can do in the beginning, but not it's not going to be what keeps people sober
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forever and ever and ever. You got to find that, right? So, I love that forward thinking thought. Um when you when you did choose
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the sobriety and and you went into it, how many bridges did you burn? How many
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people did you have to make amends to? Did you use the 12 steps at all and work through the amends or or did you not do
7:17
the 12 steps at or what did you do? You know, I think somewhere along the way we
7:23
like whether or not you're working the program, we all end up like somewhere along the lines of the 12 steps because
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and kind of this kind of goes back to like my my job as a yoga teacher and kind of what I hope to
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dive deeper into with the school platform and recovery vow collective is um my program was kind of like a a yoga
7:43
like yoga. Um the 12 steps mirror the eight limbs of yoga which essentially
7:50
are uh you know like practices and observances of self-discipline of self
7:56
realization of being honest with yourself and with people outside of you
8:02
um aimso which is self um like self harm and we think when we think of self harm
8:08
it's so easy to come to like the physical stuff the the physical like repercussions of drinking the hangover
8:14
overs, the swelling, the the injuries that you get when you're out, you know, on the town running the streets without
8:21
a care in the world, the like just the physical. But it actually starts with like our mindset and the way that we
8:27
speak to ourselves, what we say and what we think when we look in the mirror. I mean, it took a really really long time
8:33
for me to even be able to look in the mirror and go like, "Okay, you're a person worth putting pouring anything
8:39
into, you know, because physically I was so swollen and like just discolored and
8:46
unattractive objectively, not to say that I'm an ugly person or whatever, but
8:52
what what happens on the inside oozes to the outside." And so, um, I'd always
8:57
practiced yoga, but once I got sober, I was kind of able to dive a little bit deeper into what it actually is beyond
9:04
the physical poses or like holding a warrior one or whatever. And what
9:10
happened was I learned how to breathe. And I learned how to make that breath become like a life force energy within
9:17
myself that made me feel like I am worth taking the time to a even like wake up
9:23
and get ready in the morning. That it matters that I brush my teeth because I'm not just going to crack open a beer
9:29
first thing in the morning and ruin the whole point of brushing your teeth. So, it's it's kind of yeah, I guess I used
9:37
yoga as my program. Um, but it actually just ends up falling in line with things like the steps or the ten commandments
9:44
or just the freaking golden rule, like general things that we learn in kindergarten. Be kind to yourself, be
9:51
kind to others. I hear when you're when you're talking that way, Jordan, it it makes me so
9:56
proud of you. But what I just learned is that you it's almost like you made amends with yourself before
10:03
you could do it with anyone else just like you had to. And that's great. I think that's something that's important
10:08
is we have to love oursel enough to even try to make it better for anybody else. Right. Right. I uh actually that made me think
10:16
of another story of of being in yoga class. Just the other day, one of the students told me that her son refers to
10:23
me as like the really happy yoga teacher. And that blew my mind. Okay.
10:29
Like when I was in active addiction, I was so angry and y'all so so so mean. If
10:37
I I would just sit and stew on the craziest and and I think I'm funny. And so sometimes my joke Well, thank you. My
10:45
jokes, you know, carry into reality. And so what would what would start as a joke
10:50
in my head, I was able to twist into the nastiest, meanest insult that I was
10:56
hoping would crush whomever I was speaking to soul. And did it matter who I was talking to? No. Because however I
11:02
was making them feel, I thought was meant that that eyes were off of me and onto them.
11:08
And so you're exactly right. I had to make amends with myself and be able to look in the mirror and go, "Are you even
11:15
someone that is like worth hearing from?" Yeah. But anyways, back to the story. This
11:20
person who comes to yoga told me that her son sees me that way. And it just blew my mind because I know that the perception that my my close friends and
11:28
family have or had of me is so different than like a happy bubbly personality.
11:34
And sometimes those voices are still in the back of my head going, "No, you're
11:40
a" or like, "No, you're super moody." Or, "We can't be careful." Like, "Everyone's walking on eggshells around
11:45
me because you don't know when or what is going to make me explode." And so, in
11:50
that moment, I was kind of able to explain to her like, "God, that really blows my mind that your son sees me that way because my family sees me in such a
11:58
different way." and maybe they don't now and maybe that's still something I'm working on um is the way that they see me. But it gave me a a moment of pause
12:06
and reflection to go, you know, they're not that far off in in their my like my
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family is not that far off in their perception because that's what I was to them for so long only up until the last
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5 years. So they got, you know, 29 years of hostility and anger and moodiness and
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wanting to actually hurt their feelings. Like in my heart, I wanted them to hurt because I was hurting. So yeah, it
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wasn't until I'm able to kind of like give myself a break that I could even become a person worthy of and of giving
12:39
an apology. I got a question and I just thought about this while you were talking only
12:45
because there's a guy I'm working with that he told me the other day. He said, you know, I just the desire to drink is gone. And he's been sober for
12:52
over [snorts] a year now. If you do, now he went through a program and they did outpatient treatment. Um, but for you
13:01
doing it your way in the way that you chose, a lot of people do it that way. Um,
13:06
uh, I'm not here to agree or disagree. I'm here to just, you know, level the
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playing field and offer the platform. But at some point, does the desire to want to drink go away when you go about
13:19
walking in recovery the way that you do? Oh, absolutely. Just walking. I mean, I
13:26
found sobbriety the same way that I think I live it now, which was watching
13:32
people who had done it before me live a normal, peaceful, happy, healthy life.
13:39
So once I was able to set it down for a long enough period of time where like
13:44
clarity of mind kind of started to come back and I could see my past actions a
13:50
little more objectively. The desire to drink completely disappeared because my life was so
13:57
fantastic that I was just like h why didn't I think of this years ago? Why doesn't everybody do it? Like what are
14:04
you guys thinking? Listen to me. do what I do and your life will be perfect too.
14:10
So the for me just like the living evidence is more than enough that I
14:17
don't even think about it. I'm just so happy that I'm like why would I'm you
14:22
know I'm not going to experiment with any other variables anymore. I don't think
14:27
that's great. I know we don't we can't promise that right. I mean I I had a test last week. I'm
14:34
gonna be honest with you. Now, this wasn't like a a drug of my choice, but I was given percoet when I fell. Um, I had
14:39
this big gash in my head like, "We're going to give you some percoet to take home." I'm like, "Okay." I wasn't worried at all. I
14:45
wasn't worried until my wife asked me, "Do I need to monitor giving you this medicine?" I I didn't I didn't think
14:52
anything of it until she said that. And I'm like, well, no, I can do this. And I did. I
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mean, I took it like I was supposed to. I didn't I There's always going to be that twinge, though. It was like,
15:03
why does she why is she worried about that? And now I'm thinking about it. Like, am I taking too much if I wait
15:08
every six hours? Is that too soon if I do it at five? But it's just I'm stupid.
15:13
And is she going to think something if I take it at 4:40 instead of 5:05 or you
15:18
know, right? At least that's where my I would have gave it to her. That's that's how comfortable I am in my like
15:24
if you want to if you want to be my mom to an extent and just disperse this in some tomato soup, go ahead. I don't
15:30
care. But I'm gonna take this or something if it's if I'm hurting. So,
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yeah. Um, how about Miss Bridget sitting there? Um, uh, Bridget, how are you doing?
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I'm doing great. How are you doing? Good. Hey, whenever George is talking about that and her her story and the
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amends, does any of this sound familiar to you? And can you kind of give the people that have watched this a little
15:53
peak on the inside of what you know, we know your story from hearing it, but for people that have never met you or heard
15:59
from you, kind of tell us a little bit about who you are and and then, you know, what kind of amends did you have to kind of deal with in the very
16:05
beginning? Yeah, absolutely. Um, what's interesting and I love to share this is, as you
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know, Jordan and I knew each other in our drinking days, which is so funny. And then I was
16:18
I didn't know that y'all used to party together. We you know I knew that y'all knew each other like I
16:23
thought it was just through a a friend group. I didn't know that y'all actually like hung out to Well, like on like one or two occasions
16:31
we did. And what's funny is we don't remember him. My sister was Bridget's roommate.
16:38
Yeah. My little sister was Bridget's college roommate. Yeah. So anyways, it's I think it's funny
16:44
because you know I have a similar story about someone that I met like in the
16:49
last few years who said like you are just the most positive person I've ever met and I it's not hyperbolic to say
16:57
that in my life I have been the most negative person that most people have ever met. So it's the identity shift is
17:04
so shocking because I think other people's perceptions change like that don't didn't know you before they change
17:12
so quickly whereas like my own perception of myself still I I perceive myself to be this
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like negative you know whatever bark I'm doing something um
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for people that don't know that's a small pony walking around dog um anyways But my story is, you
17:34
know, similar to all of ours. I I didn't know about being involved with
17:40
generational alcoholism cuz I was actually the first the first in my family to get that diagnosis. Um, but I
17:48
always knew I was very sad and very anxious. And when I found alcohol, I
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just quietly thought that I had found the solution to that. I felt very much like I could be um a more social, more
18:04
outgoing, less like panicked version of myself with it. And I, you know, I
18:11
remember the first time I ever got drunk and how like the thoughts went away and
18:16
how I just remember thinking, "Oh, I would this is my favorite thing and I want to do it as much as I can." And
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that was when I was like 14 or 15. Um and so very quickly I think um in the
18:29
big book it says that oftentimes for women the kind of the process is
18:34
expedited a little bit. Um and I definitely found that to be the case with my drinking. By the time I was
18:41
graduating college I was a daily I was I don't know if you would call it blackout
18:47
but basically I was drinking every single night to the point of passing out. Um, but I was by myself, so it's
18:53
like, do I remember, do I not? Um, not good either way. And then when I
18:58
graduated and got out into the real world, I was like, okay, great. Things will get better. It'll be normal now.
19:04
And then life wasn't, you know, what I thought was what was owed to me, what
19:10
was promised to me. And that was very disappointing. And so I just kept
19:15
thinking, it's supposed to fall in our lap, right, Bridget? This this magic wand is supposed to wave
19:21
when you quit drinking or when we go out there and it doesn't. No, it doesn't. And then you have to
19:27
like go to work every day. It was horrible. Who wants to do that? Um and then, you know, I graduated in 20
19:35
December of 2018. Had a few years of like trying to figure it out, thinking
19:41
moving was going to help. You know, all these different things were going to change be the thing that changed everything. And then when COVID
19:47
happened, that's when like really it just couldn't be ignored anymore.
19:52
And I went through a three-month period where I didn't spend a single waking
19:58
second not drunk. And at the end of that 3 months, my family uh basically I kind
20:05
of had like a mental breakdown type thing. And my family drove up to where I
20:11
was living and they basically said like, "We need to get you help." And so I went
20:16
to my first detox center kind of thinking at that point like I'm just
20:22
depressed. This is how I'm dealing with it. Not realizing that like I was in the throws of alcoholism and all the
20:28
depression and anxiety was kind of a symptom of that. Um and then it took me
20:34
after that time I was in and out of I always say seven to 10 detox centers
20:40
cuz I'm not actually sure how many. and then three full rehab stints over
20:46
two and a half years. And then the last time I went to the the final treatment
20:54
center, something happened uh right before going into that treatment center where I had
21:01
tried to detox myself at home and I had taken street drugs off the street um
21:08
trying to like have benzo and wean myself off and it ended up being fent.
21:15
Wean yourself off with street drugs. Yeah, exact. It was brilliant. It was the smartest lady I've ever had.
21:20
Genius. And so I get to the detox center and they test my blood and I think I've taken Xanax and it ended up being just
21:28
completely fentanyl. And uh that was kind of like
21:33
it was just a I was so at the end of my rope that I just was like I'm going to
21:39
do whatever it takes. This is my last big college try and if it doesn't work then I'm gonna call it quits. And that
21:47
was kind of my mentality. And and you know, by the grace of God, it worked so
21:53
far. So, and and in those early days, I think I think part of the reason it was such a struggle for me to get sober was
22:01
the not the like um unwillingness to make amends, but just like not even
22:07
knowing how to approach it because I had hurt so many people in such profound ways that I just didn't know where to
22:15
even begin because I couldn't look myself in the eyes. M I don't know how I'm supposed to look
22:21
someone else in the eyes and say like, you know, my brother, I missed your wedding. My sister, I missed your
22:26
wedding. I was supposed to be the maid of honor. You know, my ex-boyfriend, I blew up your life. Like all of these
22:33
people that I just caused like immeasurable wreckage in their lives. I didn't know where to begin. But I think,
22:39
you know, I just got to a place where I realized the only way to
22:47
to to do recovery is to figure out how to look myself in the eyes, how to look the world in the eyes, and to say like,
22:55
"My shame is not helping me become better. It's making me not be able to
23:01
give these people the apologies that they deserve." And I'm gonna write that down.
23:07
Shame. My shame is not making me better. That's one of my favorite things to
23:12
always remember is like I think I think that my shame is going to somehow cleanse me of my sins or like make up
23:20
for the things that I've done, but it actually has always held me back from
23:25
doing the things that would actually make me a better human being. Um, and so, and then once you start to make
23:31
those amends, you realize that like there's so much power in
23:37
owning your stuff. And even now, like in my regular life, I used to be a person who was like, "Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm
23:44
so sorry." But I didn't mean it. Like, I was just like, "No, don't talk to me. I'm sorry." But now, like to be able to
23:49
be like, "Hey, I just did something I didn't love that I did, and I want to call that out and own it right now and
23:55
say like, "I'm not going to do that anymore." And I think that that ble with
24:00
through recovery that kind of bleeds over into, you know, just your normal
24:05
working day-to-day life. And I always like surprising myself when I just catch
24:11
myself doing that. Um because the very negative version of me that existed before would have never done something
24:17
like that. Yeah. And I think once we make all these amends and then we make these ongoing
24:23
amends like you just said like if you mess up and you rightfully kind of admitted they call it like the tent step
24:28
or your walking around step because our apologies didn't matter at all and now
24:34
when we say I'm sorry it's like it genuinely counts if that makes sense.
24:39
Like people accept the apology where before they didn't believe it or care what we
24:45
said. Um, Bridget, do you how do you stay in recovery today? Like um what do
24:51
you do? Do you practice the 12 steps? Do you do you have meetings? Do you just stay close to people like Jordan? Like
24:57
what are you what are you doing today? That's a that's a great question. When I
25:02
first got sober this time, I got sober through the 12 steps and I was very super involved in AA uh in the first few
25:11
years. I think now I should probably be doing more of that. But my I've kind of
25:19
done a little bit of like peacemealing what works because I actually and I
25:24
don't know if this is going to be um not helpful to the conversation but there's a few things about AA that I've never
25:30
gelled well with and one of which is actually amends. Um because I think
25:36
there's so much power in a meds when it's
25:41
the right circumstance. And that doesn't mean one that I think will be easy to do. That means like one that reaching
25:49
out to this person isn't going to open their wounds and just help me. Um, and
25:55
so I've kind of found what's worked for me from AA, what's worked for me from
26:01
also yoga and meditation and spirituality. And I kind of have my own little online
26:09
group of people that um I like to stay in connection with that I that kind of
26:14
have the same values and principles and a lot of the same stuff from AA. It's
26:20
just a little bit of like here and there stuff that I've figured out works for
26:25
me. Yeah. Kind of on a longterm basis. No, I here's here's one thing that I
26:32
think is important and people won't agree with this, but it's okay. I don't we don't I don't care. This is just my
26:38
thought. Social media has evolved so much since the time that I got sober. Um
26:44
15 years ago, you guys were I don't know, middle school or high school. Damn.
26:50
Um, but you got to think about it like when you guys go live or you do all the things that you do on your platforms and
26:56
like you just said, Bridget, you've got this this core group of people that kind of lean in. That's us working a program.
27:02
That's us having a meeting to an extent. That's us being in a meeting or or sharing our story or all the things. So,
27:08
we old-timers won't look at it and say, "Oh, you you can't be in recovery on social media." Well, yeah, you can. You
27:14
can. Um, and and what you guys are doing with your influence is reaching people.
27:20
Um, and I think that helps me stay in sobriety doing things like this. I mean, will they get as, you know, a trillion
27:26
views, you know, I don't know. I don't care. But the, you know, the right person will come along and hear it. And
27:32
even if it's just, you know, another follower you guys already have, they just need to hear that over and over again, sometimes daily. Maybe it's the
27:38
same story that you've told over and over again. It will never become repetitive because it's always going to be new to somebody. And I think that's
27:45
what's important. And and so we are not I think we all collectively agree we're not we're not beating up AA. AA gives us
27:52
things. NA gives us things. Small group gives us things. Church gives us things.
27:58
Family gives us things. And so like you're saying, Bridget, and I hope I'm agreeing with you here, is you you get
28:04
this sprinkled in something from all of that, right? Yeah. To make up what your recovery is. long
28:10
as you're doing something to stay active in it because people choose sobriety every day, but it just takes it's that
28:18
10% we're that 10% that choose to stay in sobriety every day. So, there's a
28:23
difference between choosing sobriety and then staying in sobriety. Um I want to
28:28
close before um we do a few things though. I I want um if we can go back to
28:33
Jordan. Jordan, if you can give um we're going to put this out on on school and
28:39
on our platforms, but if you could give us a glimpse of what you are working on for the
28:45
collective because we'll probably put this up before um you actually present your workshop. So, kind of give us an
28:51
idea of what maybe one or two of your workshops going to look like and then Bridget, if you want to think through yours, we'll we'll come back to you in
28:57
just a second. Yeah. So, kind of like we were just talking about with um the eight limbs of yoga, that's kind of the program that I
29:04
work. So, I'm starting with aimsa, which like I said a little earlier is it
29:10
translates to nonviolence. And so, we're working from the inside out, right? Like
29:16
starting with being able to look yourself in the freaking mirror so that you can say like, "Hey, am I even am I
29:23
who I say I am?" Because for me, that was a huge thing. I said I was a lot of things. I posted that I was doing this,
29:29
that, and the third. But what I was actually doing was lying and lying more to cover up those lies and saying weird
29:36
that were also lies so that no one would then go back and look at what I had said before. So it starts from like right
29:42
within. I always say like literally when you close your eyes, turn your eyes to the center of that forehead. It's the
29:48
place of wisdom and intuition. And so often when like your mind starts to get
29:54
cloudy and we start having what a lot of people will call like a panic or anxiety attack, it's this space that center of
30:01
the forehead that starts to get muddied first. We uh like even physically we
30:06
furrow our brows and that starts to to cloud that space. But when we kind of are able to take a breath, relax, ease
30:14
the tension from that space, a physically we feel a little bit lighter, and b it gives us time to kind of take a
30:22
full cycle of breath to assess what's even happening. So with that non-violence, um, we start from, like I
30:28
said, from within. What are we thinking when we're kind of not thinking about anything? What is the frequency of those
30:35
thoughts? Are they negative? Like me and Bridget were saying, Bridget and I are very similar in our personalities then
30:41
and now. So when she says, you know, people saw me as this negative person,
30:46
yes, it's true. Me and Bridget would sit in the corner and smoke cigarettes and
30:51
talk about how stupid and how lame and how dumb everybody in the bar was. Meanwhile, we're the only ones that,
31:00
you know, Yeah. that are sitting in the corner smoking cigarettes while everyone else is actually having a fantastic time
31:06
socializing with one another. So, that little Bridget is probably still in there somewhere. Y'all just
31:12
kind of keep Oh, yeah. Hello. Yeah, exactly. And when they do come out, it's these versions of
31:17
us that exist now that are like light. Like when I think about Bridget, I think of glitter and white light and like
31:24
shimmering um like mushrooms in a forest with dew drops coming off the trees.
31:30
That's what I think of. And before you sound like a black light poster. [laughter]
31:36
That's exactly what I think of. I think of her like the black light shine and she's glowing and that that when you
31:41
walk past you're like, "What is that? Who is that? What's going on?" And you're interested because she's who she says she is and she does what she says
31:48
she's going to do. And she treats people the way that she wants to be treated. And so that's what that kind of first
31:54
idea of a looks like is are we who we say we are? Does the frequency of our thoughts match the frequency of what we
32:01
want to put out into the earth and who we want to be to other people, how we want them to see us. And then kind of
32:08
the second limb or whatever that that lead they all of course bleed right into
32:13
one another is um like cleanliness, taking care of yourself. And like for
32:19
me, of course, I'm like, "Well, my room's clean. I vacuum. Thank you." But that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about what we put into our
32:25
body. Is it clean? Am I still addicted to my vape? Maybe. But so it it's things
32:31
like that that I go, okay, I say I want to be this. I still have the urge to hit
32:37
the vape. Or even like when I see someone smoking a cigarette, I'm like, oh my god, that smells so good. I just
32:43
want one p. I just want the idea of one puff of it. You know what I mean? And so it's it's that it's like again goes back
32:50
to the frequency of our thoughts. Like are they clean? Are they negative? Are they hateful towards other people?
32:56
Because at the end of the day, what does anyone else have anything to do with me? Absolutely nothing. And my perception of
33:02
someone else is a reflection of my perception of myself. And so, and then it goes deeper into
33:08
physically taking care of your body, physically taking care of those around you, cleaning the space that you live in
33:14
and taking pride in that. Um, because it is, you know, it all comes together. And
33:20
if one is out of whack, then everything else is going to be a little bit out of whack. I'm excited about that because a
33:26
lot of us especially if somebody and it could be female or male like yeah when they watch that it's not necessarily
33:32
that you're telling them that you're going to teach them how to do yoga but you're talking about the importance of
33:39
what is in that you made me think about my place where I was living at at the end it was a train wreck I didn't take
33:44
care of myself I didn't take showers I was I was pissing in cups because I was
33:49
just too lazy to go to the bathroom sit in the living room and just do my dope and drink my drink and you know
33:56
no inconvenience. None towels over the windows. You couldn't see in, I couldn't see out
34:02
unless I moved it, you know, and and I knew somebody was going to be out there. I was just feing. But I mean, I get it
34:08
and people need to hear that like this you you're helping them stay in their recovery or you could be reaching
34:14
somebody that's actually out there looking and they just come across it and they just heard what you just said or they're going to go through your your your workshop that you're putting out.
34:21
And I just I'm so proud of you. Thank you so much for doing that. How about you, Miss Bridget?
34:26
What are what are you working on for us for what can people expect from what you're doing in the collective? So, my first like kind of bigish
34:35
thing is I've always kind of really strugg well when I was first getting
34:40
sober, I really struggled with I know what not to do, but I do not know what
34:45
to do. Um like I don't know what the actions that I can take to get sober
34:52
are. like I I heard you can go to a meeting. I heard you can go to rehab. What else can I physically do? Um and so
35:00
it kind of the idea of like a first week or like one thing per day that you can
35:05
spread out however long. But basically the idea of like seven days of like what is an action I can take that's going to
35:12
help set me up for success in like the first stages of this. And then also but
35:19
because but because it can also be like recycled and in in kind of writing these things down I'm realizing like I could
35:26
four years in I could benefit from returning to some of these things. Um, I also am kind of thinking about the idea
35:34
of like this this thesis I've been working on that's like as I watch
35:40
someone in my life struggle with the the stage of this thing where it's like I
35:47
know that there's an issue. Is it bad enough for me to do anything about it?
35:53
And I'm really interested in the idea of like I think that maybe
35:58
diagnosis have are is not something that's very helpful to us because as an alcoholic I
36:05
know throughout the years I'm like well I've seen an alcoholic who's like to
36:10
this level. So if I'm not to that level then maybe it's not as bad and maybe I
36:16
could do this thing and whatever but and instead reframing it to be like what is
36:22
this adding to my life and what is it taking away? I think that's just a more
36:27
helpful train of thought than am I an alcoholic? To what level am I an alcoholic? What do I need to do about
36:34
being an alcoholic? It's like what is this taking away from my life and just
36:39
kind of simplifying it so that our disease can't like talk us out of the diagnosis of it all. And then
36:47
lastly, my third kind of idea is um being in a relationship with someone who
36:54
is not uh sober and navigating that and
37:01
navigating hard conversations around that because I know I'm with a partner who's like so understanding and like so
37:08
lovely that any of the issues that arise around it come from my own shame about
37:14
saying when I need to step away from something like I still four years in I
37:19
struggle with the idea of like being like I'm actually really uncomfortable here and I I can't ask for help still.
37:27
And so I've been kind of like doing some work around that and I want to kind of talk about that cuz I think that would be a nice conversation to start cuz I
37:35
know most of us are in partnerships with people who aren't alcoholics because
37:40
it's really hard to have a relationship [laughter] between two alcoholics. So yeah, I'm glad you're making that. I I
37:47
never even never even thought about that. I mean, Kristen will drink wine on occasion. Um
37:52
but yeah, I mean, you'll speak to a lot of people with that kind of content. Jordan Jordan is Cameron. Does he have have a
37:59
drink every once in a while? Do you have to deal with that, too? Every now and then, but he I mean, he like he'll he's the kind that'll open a
38:06
beer, leave it on the counter, and never even take a singular sip of it. So, he
38:11
does like a 90-day no alcohol challenge on accident all the time. So, it's very foreign to me, but it's
38:17
it's great in a partner. No, I I think so. I think that that'll be uh some great content. I mean, I
38:23
really do. That's why I'm so glad that you guys said yes to to this. And I know it's infasy stages. Are we going to make
38:28
millions of dollars? No, not right away. But you're going to reach people and I I
38:34
just want you to be excited about that. Um and just trust the process. And that's there's some big things ahead. I
38:40
really believe that. But it's going to start with just having conversations like this. I am very thankful for both
38:45
of you. I just want you to know that. Um, thank you. I'm excited. Jordan, give us give us a word of
38:50
wisdom. One word of wisdom before the week as we go into the weekend. And Bridget, you got to think of something real quick, too.
38:56
What's a word of wisdom for the weekend, Jordan? A word of wisdom. Uh, let's say take a breath before you react. That's always
39:03
my mantra. Take a breath. A whole round of breath. Not the inhale. Stay for the exhale and then pause and then carry on.
39:11
That's always my That's good mantra I need to remind myself of. Don't be the lady in the corner with the
39:17
cigarette. Okay. Bridget, real quick, what is your
39:22
encouragement for the weekend? My word of encouragement for the weekend is
39:28
not everything is always about you. And that sounds harsh, but it's actually really freeing. like not everyone's
39:34
thinking about you in a great way, in a way that is like it's okay if you embarrass yourself. It's okay because no
39:41
one's really paying that much attention anyways. And it just helps me a lot to remember that simple phrase.
39:48
Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I I get lost in um a lot of times is that people I think
39:53
everybody's thinking about me or what I'm doing if I mess up or if they they tease me or
39:58
have to I hate holding my tongue, but because I could be in that corner with you guys, but that's those are really really good. Breathe.
40:04
Exactly. And um and knowing that everything's not about you. It's really good. Yeah. Hey y'all, if you made it to the end of
40:11
this video, thank you so much for watching. you tuned in and you got to hear from Jordan and you got to hear some insight from her and then what
40:17
she's working on inside the collective. You also got to hear from Bridget. Uh same thing, what she's been working on,
40:22
what she's been up to and then what amends look like for all of us. We talked about amends and how important that is. I think the collective uh
40:30
thought here is that we all have to make amends to oursel uh first and then just understanding that everybody walks in
40:35
recovery different. So, thank you so much for listening to this episode on recovery about podcast. If you want to
40:41
connect, is it okay if they connect with you guys? Can they can they reach out to you through your social social media? Is
40:46
that the best way to reach you guys? Yes, please. I'm on Tik Tok and Instagram, JClow with three W's. Clo
40:53
www. Okay, same. And I'm on Tik Tok, soberbridge.
40:59
Sober bridge. All right. Hey guys, thanks so much for joining us. Have a great weekend. See you next time.