From Fame to Freedom: Jeremy Jackson’s Rebirth | The Recovery Vow Podcast

Today’s episode is a raw, eye-opening journey through addiction, identity, and the spiritual awakening that changed everything. Eric is joined by actor and speaker Jeremy Jackson, who opens up about his rise to fame on Baywatch, his deep battle with cocaine and meth addiction, and the inner transformation that rebuilt his life from the inside out.

Jeremy’s honesty is powerful—and his message is one every struggle, survivor, and seeker needs to hear: “The more you let go, the more you will receive. Nothing is falling apart—everything is falling together. God’s got you.”

In this conversation, Jeremy breaks down the emotional wounds, unconscious patterns, and spiritual blind spots that kept him stuck for years…and the God-led revelations, internal practices, and mindset shifts that finally set him free. If you need hope, truth, or a reminder that your story isn’t over—press play.

On This Episode:
Jeremy’s early fame, fatherlessness, and the pressure of becoming the family provider at six
How addiction took over—and the moment he realized he was losing everything
Why “rock bottom” isn’t the end, but the beginning
The undercover arrest that confronted him with 35 years in prison
Depression, relapse, and why the material world could never fill the void
The spiritual practices that rebuilt his identity from within
What happens when you stop chasing approval and start renewing your mind
Why inner work, not willpower, is the foundation of lasting recovery
Jeremy’s daily mantras—including the powerful truth: “God’s got you.”

Connect with Jeremy Jackson:
Instagram: @jeremyjackson

Connect with us:
Socials: @‌RecoveryVow
Website: http://recoveryvow.com
Email: recoveryvow@gmail.com

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• Transcript

  Hey, thanks so much for joining us on the Recovery V podcast. Today we're doing a Riverside stream with Jeremy Jackson. Now, you'll recognize Jeremy when you see him. Well, maybe you won't because he's got this gigantic beard, but he used to run the beaches of Baywatch. He has an incredible an incredible story of recovery. 25 years actually. So, I want you to sit back and enjoy this episode and just listen to the wise words that Jeremy's going to share. You know, I love this this idea that broken pieces become masterpieces. You know, that we we go we go from being the the victim to thinking we're the villain to getting victorious, right? And uh you know it was a pleasure to to connect with you at the the quantum event. Crock is a awesome connector of of individuals. You know he carries a a specific kind of vibration and mindset you know and so people that align with that we're like you know what I want yes I want to support you. Yes I want to be at your thing. Yes I want to see what you're doing. Um, so I I've I've I've learned to just kind of follow that intuition and jump, you know, show suit up and show up expecting greatness yet not attached to any specific outcomes because if I don't show up, I'm not going to know what goes on, you know, and for years the right opportunity when it's convenient, if it doesn't cost too much money and like who knows what opportunities I miss, right? So, it's a little it's part of my daily creed that I read to myself every morning. And one of the little chunks in there is I suit up, I show up. I expect greatness yet release any specific outcomes. Um, so really, how long have you been doing that? How long have you been reading that creed to yourself? I've been doing that for uh a little more than the last six months. Okay. So, uh, and I'd love to talk more about it. we create what's called a manifesto, right? And um so I read the manifesto for maybe I've been doing it longer. So I read the manifesto for about four months uh every morning until I had it memorized and then I just started repeating it to myself before I'd go to bed and then I shortened it um into a daily creed which is basically the meat and potatoes of the the gist of of the manifesto. And for me, you know, it's there's become this like realization that oh yeah, you know, I'm like a uh we're all kind of just like a boat at sea or or a a plane in the sky. And it's like how often do I veer just a couple degrees off my flight path? I don't even realize it. You know, I I got these things that I want and I need, but but I'm not sure of the pathway and I so I just get lost a little bit. And you know, a little bit of loss can cost us so much, right? So, just like a plane or a or a ship at sea, I got a flight path. I I'm reminding my heart. I'm reminding my internal guiding system of not specific um material world things but but specific senses that I want to have specific interactions that I prefer, specific feelings that I want to lean into. Um and so I I believe when I'm when I'm rightly situated internally, then the stuff and the things, the places and the people just seem to be more magic, right? seem to be more divinely guided. Um, and it's a great practice we can chat about, but you know, it sounds like you're a very spiritual person, Jeremy. I mean, it's my belief that everybody is. It's my belief that we're we're we're not human beings. We're spiritual beings. That every human being on the face of the planet is born with approximately, and you can Google this. I don't know if you already know this, uh, but it's a great thing for people to know that don't know that every human being is born with between 35 to 37 trillion cells in their body. 35 to 37 trillion cells. And every cell in the human body, medically proven, scientifically documented, has about 7 volts uh millolts of electricity. And if you take 7 millolts of electricity times 35 to 37 trillion, you get about 2.63 63 trillion volts of electricity. So every human being on the planet has about 2.63 trillion volts of electricity. Now just for perspective, a bolt of lightning is a billion volts. So we're talking that every human being has about 2,000 lightning bolts worth of power in their body. So indeed, I am far more electric. I am far more energetic than I actually am material. Yeah, that's good. So, yeah. I mean, and it's and it's real. So, um I like to lean into that. I like to always try to be considerate of that. I'm a I'm a spiritual being, an infinite soul, an atheric essence, and I'm I'm having this temporary human experience. I'm having this lifespan here, but there's something that exists in me that was here before this body, right? And you know, there's wild studies if you've seen them about the human body losing about an ounce on a scale when when it after it takes its last breath. And for me, like that's that's that energy that h that has a weight to it. Um going somewhere else. Where is it going? I don't know. I don't remember. Um, but uh I think that's more true than some of the things that we talk about, argue about, you know, agree and disagree on. These are these are really truths that uh are are researched, backed, studied, medically documented, and um so I love that idea. I love that idea about life. I do too. Did you have those same feelings uh say 25 years ago? Not even close, man. Not even close. And you know what? I don't even know if somebody would have told me, I don't even know if I would have been ready to hear them. You know what I mean? Yeah. If I would have had somebody come into my life when I was 20 and tell me this stuff, I'm not sure I would have gotten it. I'm maybe, but but I don't I don't know. They say this when the student's ready, the master appears, right? Yeah. So, um, take me back. Take me back 25 years ago, man, if you don't mind. No problem. And people are gonna I'm sure people ask you all the time, you know, talk about Baywatch. Talk about Baywatch. Talk about Baywatch. You can talk about Baywatch. Yeah. You know, is that when you first started using or did it go back before then? Like what what led you to your first use of whatever Yeah. your big chunk of my life, right? But you know nowadays I don't look at it any different as you know if you grew up you know farming a field you know you grew up and you started working when you were 10 with your dad picking up uh picking up hay bales you know it's just like that was just the job it become very very normal for me so everybody has their own story I want to honor everybody's story but mine specifically it just happens to be this you know so Um, I was uh born into a a fatherless family. You know, I had a a a single mother who was uh raised very dogmatically and very strictly Christian. She loved God. My grandma loved God, but I didn't have a grandpa. I didn't have a dad. And I had my mom and my grandma. And uh eventually a little sister. But uh you know, I was born into very meager beginnings, I guess you could say. food stamps and and uh low-income housing and in the slums of Anna Crime, they'd call it Anaheim right there by Disneyland. So, there's a lot of gang activity. Um, and kind of just grew up around mechanics wrenching on cars and selling little bindles of cocaine and drinking 40s in the alleyway. That's looking uh looking at those guys when I'm outside playing, wondering what they're doing. But I uh at a very young age discovered the high, I guess you could call it, of performance, of approval, uh of accolades, of applause, and and I liked it. Um, I spent a lot of time alone in in my bedroom working on theatrical performances, dance routines, uh, mimicry, um, you know, costumes, and I would really just develop, uh, and I would go perform. So, you know, and and we're talking very young, very young. At a year old, I could talk, and I was telling jokes. I I was I was very advanced. uh for my age. Uh I was already practicing Michael Jackson impersonations when I was a year old. I got 135 stitches in my forehead to prove it because I I was trying to spin and fell and my little sippy cup without the lid went into my forehead. I cracked my forehead open. Um and that that that passion really for putting on a show for for stirring that energy of seeing people be like, "Wow, wow." I I love that. I loved to wow people and I found power in it. Uh I found a sense of belonging in it. So I worked on that tirelessly on my own even though I didn't know about uh the entertainment industry. I didn't uh understand uh you know finances and things like that with this little single mom in the slums. And uh you know my mom just she she noticed you know how how dedicated I was to this and she just picked up the phone and called around some places and and thought maybe maybe there's something here for him. I ended up getting an agent. That agent when I was when I was about 5 years old that agent just lo and behold happened to be an expert in child actors. She managed uh the Olsen twins from Full House. She had Screech from Save by the Bell. She had the star of the TV show Lassie and um Jonathan Brandice uh you know some some really successful child actors of the time. And so it just happened pretty quickly that I started going on some auditions and landing gigs. So at six uh I landed my first role on a Mattel uh series of six commercials. Um and so I was the color racer kid. I was doing the cars in the hot water and the cold water and changing them colors and I was easy to work with. I was easy to work with because I had this deep desire to to uh appease people for for approval and to do a good job. Uh probably the fatherlessness in me really looked up to these directors and these producers and I wanted to ask like for the listeners, sorry to interrupt you, but that you feel like you were after the approval because of just not having a dad present. Uh, I definitely would say that's what that's what gave me this desire because I was getting something that I didn't have. I was getting guys to say at a boy, "Job well done, kid." Um, and that's all I really ever wanted. That's all any child wants, right? Um, and so, uh, you know, bunch of TV shows, bunch of commercials, bunch of work. uh got us out of the slums pretty early on which means I you know unconsciously unknowingly took on this presumed spouse they call it presumed spouse syndrome. So at 6 years old I'm the bread winner and my anxious mom you know my young 20-year-old mom or 26 by then um who didn't have it figured out now now it's my turn to figure it all out. it's it's my turn to be the bread winner and to to take care of us, you know, and uh that leads to a lot of problems later on in life. It it's fine and fun when you're a kid because you have power and you have influence, you know, but but when you're older, it can lead to some issues. Anyway, 10 years old, I get Baywatch. Oh my gosh, Nightrider's my hero. Oh my gosh, I get to hang out. Maybe I'll get to see Kit, you know. Um, and Hobe's character is, uh, got a single parent. You know, he's this kid that lives at the beach. He's got this dad who's a superhero. And, uh, it it was it was familiar for me. I lived at the beach. You know, I was an Orange County kid. I wasn't a Hollywood city kid. I was a beach kid. And so, here I am now, uh, thinking maybe David Hassloff's going to be my dad. You know, maybe he'll fall in love with my mom and I'll get the the dream come true. Uh I was very hyper um and uh pretty unruly having that type of uh that type of power and influence. You know, makeup artists, stylists, facialists, security guards, agents, managers, publicists, I had a whole team, right? Um and I I started doing music uh by age 12. So at 12 years old, I released my first single. It debuted at number three on the Billboard charts in Holland. It became the Dutch soccer team Ajax national anthem. And before you know it, I'm on stage with the Uriics, right? Said Fred, I'm too sexy. You remember those guys? I'm too sexy for um I'm 46, bro. I know exactly. Yeah, that's that's the scary part. Two too unlimited. You know, they play them at all the basketball games. Um, I I'm up on stage with these huge stars and I'm I'm literally living my dream, my absolute dream. I had seen it in my head years before it came true. Um, and that, you know, that was a wild ride. And I had always, before I knew about addiction, before I knew about uh, you know, I didn't know anything about rehabs. I didn't know, you know, what what could happen. Um, my mom always told me not to stay away from that stuff. But when she would tell me to stay away from that stuff, I always felt like I was being kept away from something that was going to be fun. You know, this is dangerous. Don't touch that. You know, wear your seat belt. Don't go on your bike without your helmet. Don't smoke cigarettes. Don't hang out with those kids to, you know, uh, I was just like, well, all I want to do is not wear I don't want to wear a helmet. That's lame, right? Where, See, I'm fine. I'm not going to get anyway. I ended up really just chasing all the stuff I wasn't supposed to do. Uh hanging out with the older kids. But I always had that desire. I always had that craving to go out and try that stuff to to become my own man, right? To to set my own rules. Little did I know that it was going to get its hooks in me and completely take over my focus, completely take over my drive, completely take over my wants and my needs. I had no idea. Um, and you know, I I got pretty pretty heavily involved uh with pretty much daily use of cocaine by the age of 16. You know, 12, I'm smoking cigarettes. I'm drinking 13. I'm smoking weed at like 13, 14. I'm drinking beers and getting drunk. 14, 15, 16. Um 16, I kind of discover cocaine. Um now, now weed and and booze is less important to me. Um and cocaine is like the thing. And um some ecstasy, but you know, I'm partying and I'm partying so hard that it's like I'm filming in the summer for three months. I'm I'm put putting my best face on. But, you know, come rap when we when we when we end in October or whatever it was, um uh September, you know, we'd film the hottest seasons uh in in in summer for Baywatch. But as soon as that wrapped, it's now I got the money and the limos and the nightclubs and the parties and I'm the guy with buying the kears and you know, let's go full boore. And it wasn't until um I met a I met a girl when I was 18, a beautiful, talented, uh amazing, powerful, influential woman who, you know, she carried that same power that I did. She had that same confidence and that same drive and and that same talent. Um, and she was just said, "Hey, try some of this. It's candy." I had no idea what she was talking about. What is candy? That she said, "It's, you know, like like uh crystal." I'm like, "I know. I do not know what crystal is either." And so I'm talking to my buddies. I ran out of cocaine. I'm like, "What is crystal, dude?" She wants me to do this crystal with her like like And they're like, "Dude, like meth." And I'm like, "What? Like meth? Like I'm going to like the stuff people do in trailer parks with no teeth. No, no, thank you. That's that's a poor man's drug. I'm a I'm I'm a you know connoisseur. I'm a I'm a cocaine. Yeah, dude. I'm doing cocaine in the nicest bathrooms of mansion parties, hanging out with playmates. Um but I I ran out, you know, and I started to feel like trash. So, I tried a little bit of this stuff and uh you know that that really began a run from 18 years old to 20 of every day smoking crystal meth. Uh and and the people, you know, that do that are criminals. Um you know, they're thieves, they're drug dealers, they're prostitutes, they're they're all weward souls. I mean, you're not going to find somebody that's doing that drug who has their stuff together. And um if they've been doing it for any period of time and every once in a while, you find somebody who kind of just started, but you can they're they're losing everything slowly. Um and I was that person, you know, I was that person who had the opportunity to be driving Lamborghinis, had the opportunity to be dating supermodels, had the opportunity to be traveling the world, doing music. And once that that drug got a hold of me there there was no I'll stop for the winter and I'll I'll I'll clean my act up. I'll do my or I'll I'll I'll I'll stop for the summer and I'll do my work and then I'll go party again. It was just like tomorrow tomorrow. And uh and I can't show up to work. It's I'm too scared. I look terrible. I feel insane. Um yet I can't stop. But I yet I believe I'm going to be able to stop, but I can't. And so really, you know, I I watched my life slip through my hands like sand. And rather than take any kind of ownership, rather than ask for help, rather than break down emotionally, uh, spiritually, I had already broken down physically. But rather than break down and ask for help, I just started playing the blame game. You know, I started saying, "Well, Baywatch is just all about boobs now, and you guys don't really care about quality storylines." And you know what? I've been I'm being underpaid anyway. I'm, you know, I'm I'm I'm, you know, I got the most fans and I I'm doing music and I'm I got movie offers and screw you guys, you know, it's it's your fault, you know. Um, and uh and mom and and you know, managers and so I just got that that big ego and started pointing fingers so that they weren't pointed back at me and really took me to my knees, man. And I ended up getting arrested um when I was 20 years old and I was looking at 35 years in prison for manufacturing methamphetamine because you went from starting to use it and in two years you were already making your own. Yeah. Making my own, cleaning my own. See, the problem is when you're a a a television star who's got it together, uh or who people think has it together and you're dealing with other people who have nothing, who are who are broken, who have sold their souls for this lifestyle, they're going to get as much as they can from you. So, they're going to sell you fake stuff. They're going to take your money to go get your stuff and never come back. They're going to sell you really cut stuff. um they just love to take advantage of people who have uh more than them. And you know, when you're when you're in that survival mechanism of your brain, when your family's given up on you, when you you know uh have no car, it's like how can you not how can you not just take from everybody around you? And because I had the most to take, I had the most to lose. So I had lost everything. So now I'm I got to clean my stuff to make sure they haven't given me a bunch of crap. um and eventually learned to make my own so that I could have a steady supply of of of gradea a methamphetamines. I had lost in essence, you know, I had lost my power in every other aspect of my life. So I was going to gain it in this. I was going to have the power to have the best dope at least because that's what I had succumbed to. That's a big chug of that sparkling water. You turn that in back. Yeah. Do you remember Do you remember like the day that you hit rock bottom? Yeah. You know, I'm and I don't want to take you somewhere you don't want to go, Jeremy. Oh, no, man. I think I think it's important for people to hear, even someone that's on TV, and you hear about people on TV that that have issues and all that. This this was your thing. Um, and so I don't want to take you somewhere you don't want to go, but if you don't mind, just tell us what that day did look like. Absolutely. man. Um, you know, we're only as sick as our secrets, you know, and you not being able to look in the rearview mirror just to see how far you've come is is a skill set that's wonderful to have. You know, uh, talking about it doesn't bring me to a dark place. Uh, talking about the past uh, in hopes that somebody else will hear it and need to hear it. Um, but also to be grateful for how far I've come, you know. So, it's not it's not a yucky thing, it's a beautiful thing for me. And, uh, although I'm not I wouldn't say I'm a firm believer in rock bottoms only because I've had so many I've had so many of those moments where I've said, "This is it. Oh my god, I've got to stop. It's horrible. I'm broken." And done it again. and done it again and done it again. So they are necessary. They're necessary steps in in evolution, but I don't ever I don't I don't firmly believe in it because if you look at it, there are people out there right now with no legs in a wheelchair. They got in a drunk driving accident. They killed entire family and they're still putting a a bottle to their lips. There's people out there that have overdosed 29 times on fentanyl who have opened weeping sores all over their body and they're still taking it. I mean, I probably had more than one rock bottom. I guess when I say rock bottom, it was like the last rock bottom. Yeah. Yeah. You know, mine was mine was, you know, similar to yours. Just it was just a heavy heavy day. Went to jail and, you know, had already tried to um end it all twice and Yeah. um used um crack that morning, you know, and I I couldn't get high off that I couldn't get high enough anymore, right? You know what I mean? I couldn't get drunk enough. I mean, in the morning, I'm trying to get wasted and it's it was more and more and more and I mean, I tried I mean, I've tried me before, but man, it just wasn't I'm not saying it wasn't for me. It's not for anybody, but golly, man. Staying up and seeing the sun come up two days in a row is a weird vibe. Try seven. You stayed up for seven days. Yeah. Oh my god. Oh, it was it's horrible. You feel like a like a a walking booger. You know what I mean? Just like a like a mutant. Like you're not even human anymore. Like like a zombie. Um, but I guess what I would what I would come back to on this rock bottom idea, I think the important thing to keep in mind is that a rock bottom is not an end. Rock bottom is a beginning. Because if if the work doesn't take place from that, you'll have another bottom and another, you know, people will get hung up and be like, "Okay, it's bad enough. I'm done. I'm just not going to go back." But there must be an evolutionary process post rock bottom in order in order to change you know. But uh you know my my last rock bottom is uh you know it's less it's less uh you know wowing of a story. It was just really this this this deep fear of continuing uh of going back. you know, this this this sense of confusion and heartache and uh bewilderment really. I was just emotionally so scared of continuing to live in ways that were less than I knew or meant for me. Um and that was the last one. But the first one was on on that day when I was 20 years old. Um, and you know, I was looking at that 35 years in prison when a bunch of police officers jumped out of vans and plain clothes with with, you know, badges around their neck and and jumping over walls and helicopters overhead and shotguns at my face and and they sat me down and they they it was the Newport Beach Police Department. They arrested me in a totally different county, a totally different city. And they had been watching me for days, and they sat me down, and they they just looked at me, man. And they they were handsome guys, you know? They had some they had some some strength on them. And uh they weren't like regular cops, you know? They were undercover cops. And they said looking at me, looking at me going, "Kid, no, I'm saying that look, that's like looking at me." that when you think about good-looking, this is what you think about. Yeah. Talking about you. Exactly. Just like you. And and they just looked at me and they were just shaking their head like in disgust. And they said, "Kid, what are you doing to yourself?" Like, "Look at yourself. What are you?" And and and it was just it broke me, man. And I it actually made me pause and stop and think and I was like, "I don't know. What am I doing?" And I was like, "Oh." I and I said it for the first time. I said, "Man, I I I'm an addict." And and I just in my own head, I thought, "Wow, I'm going to prison for 35 years. It's too late to change my ways because I'll be, you know, 55 by the time I get out of prison. I'll be changed forever." And you know, it would have been really great to have this realization 6 months ago or 6 days ago or even 6 hours ago, but I didn't. Now I am. But will I find ministry in the prison? Like I what the best thing that I can do now is going to be appeal a case? I mean, oh my I I I've ruined everything. I I could have been doing a movie right now. I should be surfing. I should be hanging out with my mom. I love so much and my little sister and I'm here being arrested for this. That doesn't make any sense. When I have all these other great options that I didn't care about five minutes ago, that I couldn't see five minutes ago, that didn't matter to me five minutes ago. Now all of a sudden, I'm having this realization of everything I've turned my back on and it's too late. Oh, that was crushing. Ju just crushing because you know they talk about hope, right? You got to have hope. But I was hopeless. I couldn't find my way out of that. I I was I was stuck and in in in a in a in a purgatory. And you know, fortunately for me, um we had a little bit of money hiding in a in a in an account that was supposed to mature in a year. And it cost us a lot to get that money out because we took it out prematurely. But it was just enough to get the right lawyer who appealed to the judge and said, "This guy's not he's not a meth manufacturing wizard. He's a he's a you know an addict that was just trying to provide his own needs and uh prison won't help him. He needs rehab." And so I I went to rehab for six months. I got a pretty hefty little deal. Um, you know, 6 months in rehab is is a long time. I got uh 5 years of probation and I got gosh, I've been on probation for 11 years of my life. That that's kind of a lot. That's a lot. That's a lot. I got jail for 90 days and I got that probation for five years. So, you know, I went to rehab for 6 months and then after uh no, I went to jail for 90 days and then after jail for 90 days, I went straight to rehab for 6 months. And it was it was really that that 9-month period of being unable, really, no car, no cell phone. Uh it was strict strict stuff. It wasn't like lofty massages and yoga. it was like in a van with other people, you know. Um, and had it not been for that nine months of not being able to accidentally, you know, have a beer or do whatever I might have done on my own, it really created a foundation. Um, and I didn't even jump on that opportunity, man. I would love to say that my life ignited from there, but from there, I spent about a year in bed in in a deep depression after that. Um, and uh, you know, we're talking deep depression. We're talking peeing in bottles, not leaving the room. We're talking about, you know, watching cartoons all night long and sleeping all day. We're talking about eating terribly and or not at all. And so after I I came out of that funk at, you know, I had 19 months I hadn't gotten loaded, but I was miserable. And I was scared because in that miserable state going outside or hanging out with people, I'm for sure gonna find trouble. How does a how does a miserable person not align with other miserable people? How does a miserable person not get past a joint and say this might help? You know, so if you're miserable, you're not going to go do fun stuff, fun place. I'm not going to a quantum event and hanging out miserable, been in bed for a year, pasty, breathe, clear. I'm not talking about that. I'm going to go what? I don't know. Just migrate towards a bar or migrate towards some weirdo on a park bench. I I can't have a com a highlevel conversation when I'm just miserable and stuck. But at least I knew that. Um and really that was it was it was around that time that I got introduced to a sober community. That's really where I I started u hanging out with other guys that were my age. They were surfing. They were shooting pool. They were making artwork. They were skateboarding. And they were they were uh, you know, going to to meetings, you know, and and it felt weird and it felt awkward. All these people wanting to help me and hang out with me and give me rides places. I'm like, you know, I'm like, is this is this a bunch of pedophiles? There's like these 60-year-old men and they want my phone number. They want to take me to lunch. That's weird. Um, but it ended up being a huge saving grace and and teaching me so much about myself through, you know, different reading and different journaling practices and and and and just kind of getting honest and then realizing that I wasn't alone. Um, really was a huge journey. But I was I was very uh I was very stubborn about it. I didn't jump right into that. I didn't even really know it was available. And to be honest with you, when I got involved, I was only I was really taking it uh I I was just taking it very surface level. It was uh very much uh homework assignments. It was just stuff that I thought if you did, okay, don't drink, go to that meeting, um you know, read this thing in a book, and then you've accomplished the tasks to be part of. Um, so you know, I wasn't maybe ready. Uh, I I wasn't uh consciously aware. I whatever you want to call it, I wasn't desperate enough. What whatever you want to call it. Um, I did it like a homework assignment. And that lasted for like 12 years, you know, 12 years of of not drinking, not using. Had a lot of success. I started working again, um, producing fashion shows and traveling the world. I had a I had a great stretch. Um, but because I wasn't really looking inside, I was still living uh an outsidebased world. Work hard, do good, get good, get good, be happy, right? So, not happy, but I'm trying. Not h not grateful, but if I get this next thing, I'll be grateful. If the car is nicer, if the house is bigger, if the chick is hotter, um maybe married, maybe I need a dog, I know what what can I do? What can I do to fit in? what can I do to feel a part of? What can I do to feel whole? What can I get? How do I have to act? How do I have to be? And you know, 12 years into doing that rigomearroll um is exhausting, man. I'm I'm I'm I'm essentially a victim to the material realm. I'm I'm bouncing around the world like a pinball. Um just trying to find a home all over again. So, that didn't last. And I and I did I I did the thing again. I I thought it had been 12 years. couple glasses of wine. I'm on vacation. I'm in Maui. I've I have, you know, high PL paying clients. I'm now I'm mentoring uh hedge fund managers and CEOs and I'm training celebrities and I'm I'm really kind of this coach now. There's no way a couple glasses of wine will ruin all that. And if I get if I get out of hand, I'll just stop again. And so, you know, I went down the whole rabbit hole again, man. I went down the rabbit hole again. And uh you know now being uh again completely clean and sober for the last 5 years has been a very different adventure man a very different experience and you know what did you do different this last five years that gave you the happiness that you didn't have because it sounds like those years in um let's just say on the wagon maybe sounded like you still were had sadness or still seeking after some kind of connection just like when you talked about being young when you first got into um you know the Mattel and the Baywatch and all that you you were seeking approval and attention and it sounds like it was you still had that same feeling. You were trying to fill that void even in recovery. Yes. Which, you know, people people need to hear that because everybody needs to know that recovery is beautiful, but you've got to do a certain amount of work. You got not only check boxes, but you got to you got to start working on you and you you can't get that unless you do these things that you're talking about now, right? Yeah. Yeah. I believe it's a it's a big uh issue in this recovery world and this transcendence of who I used to be to this new thing. Um and it's it's all too common this very problem. And that that problem is that when we get sober, we tend to try to do the same things harder or smarter. Mhm. Right. I just got to be nicer. That's it. That's if I'm just nicer. Don't don't don't you know yell at people. Uh just be really kind, right? But I'm still trying to do the same things just in a different way. Um, I'm still chasing the same ideas I've always had without uh, you know, there's there's there's there's scaffolding between these levels, right? New new scaffolding. And sure, this the the the fundamental ideas don't change, right? Place to live, a vehicle to drive, job to have, spiritual practice, like those are those those those things. But there's there's new connections that need to be made. And that's, you know, that's why we're tapping into the the inner G, right? Inner God, inner gratitude, inner growth, inner gangster, inner genius, inner guru, and the the real answers, the the capital T truth, right? The capital T truth, the truth that sets you free. They're already in us all. The problem is we have fears. We have anxieties and we got perspectives that have been built up over years of life. Years of data collected and that data must be dumped. It must be let go of somehow to have this open mind for a new experience. You know, I like this silly phrase that uh you know, the mind is like a parachute. It works best when it's open. And and the thing is I don't even know I have a closed mind. I've never heard that before. That's that's really that's really cool. And you you're right, right? And I the thing is most of us we don't even know our mind is close. We have these preferences and these designs and these specific wants and needs that we're attached to. You know, we get into some kind of Buddhist stuff when attachment is the root of all human suffering. And uh we also get into some quantum mentality here that this quantum leap, this thing that we need to do to go from where we are to somewhere totally different is very scary. And you know it also brings it into a lot of neuroscience. You know, and neuroscientists will say that the the human nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven. So these these pathways that we've created, these ideas about life, these ideas about God, these ideas about others, these ideas about recovery, what we think we know and what we think we need is indeed based on our past experience. Where else would it come from? Right? So how where could it come in the void, the the nothingness, the darkness? Like I I I don't I don't have a access to that. So, if I'm making decisions today based on my past experience, and this is especially important for addicts because we have traumas, man. We have, you know, these these hard upbrings or this sexual trauma or these relationships that, you know, we're always in a fight or we're hiding or we're cheating or we're stealing or we're manipulating. And so these railroad tracks essentially or pathways in the mind have been carved really deeply. And what's what happens is unconsciously without our permission, we tend to lean back into them. But we want to we want to be back in that same pathway because it's comfortable, because it's familiar, but we're going to try harder or we're going to do better this time. But as Einstein says, insanity is repeating the the same things expecting a different result. You know, that's an Einstein quote. It's not actually the dictionary um the dictionary quote, but Einstein says something says a lot of great things, but uh the other one is that the consciousness that created the problem is not the consciousness that can solve the problem. So, if I'm consciously aware of the same stuff that I was last year when I was drinking, I wasn't drinking last year, but you know, okay, 10 years ago, right? But but for a lot of people that are just getting sober, their ideas are based in yesterday, right? Or last month, and they got 30 days, and it's like, why? I'm just not inspired. I'm not activated. I don't feel like I'm, you know, ripping off a an itchy sweater. Like, we get sober because we want to tear off that horrible sweater. Like, it's choking me. It's too tight. than I don't it doesn't Yeah. So what do we do? Yeah. We we mitigate we we we're going to eat like [  ] We're going to uh blame other people. We're going to grunt and grimace through the minutia of life without this beautiful thing that we used to drink or snort or smoke that helped us deal with it. And that just it won't last. You know, it it didn't last for me. And so to have this new experience means I have to look at these fears. I have to look at these ideas. I have to look at these preferences and these designs, this blueprint that the old me created. And I have to really be willing to let go of a lot of it and see that it doesn't help. And I use this analogy all the time. How long um Mr. Kennedy, how long would you return to your toaster in the morning? You have 30 minutes to get out of the house. 10 minutes of that is to shower, shave. Uh 10 minutes of that is to collect your belongings. And 10 minutes is to make your your breakfast. But this toaster takes 20 minutes to toast your toast. How long would you hold on to that toaster? I'm done on day one. Amazon Prime, dude. You can get a new toaster same day, next day, right? Use your points. You It's free. You got a free toaster. This toaster works in 30 seconds. You celebrate it. You love it. You're like, "Oh, it's just such a breeze. Oh my gosh, I got nine extra minutes. This toaster." But how often do we as human beings hold on to things that are not working? We We hold on to them. And then what do we do? We want to open it up. We want to fix it. We want to No, I'm just I won't shower today. I won't shower today so I can get my toe. We're trying to do these things, but we're working with with equipment that isn't working. So, if I'm having clashing with family or friends, if I'm, you know, uh I got a beer belly, um you know, whatever you you name it. Uh getting angry at traffic, uh you name it. anything that robs you of that joy, of your gratitude, it's it's an item in stock that is no longer usable. And it's easy to see with a you know, people vape, right? Their vape is their vape's done, it doesn't work anymore, and they just go buy a new one, you know, and then in buying a new one, they're like going to try a new flavor or a new brand. They're excited. They're excited about trying a new thing. But we as human beings, for some reason, don't want to try new things. We don't want to go outside of the we we don't want to see the therapist. We don't want to um you know speak our truth. We don't want to journal you know or go through a process to reveal what's really going on. We don't want to look at our fears. We don't want to do the inner work because the human nervous system always uses a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven. And what happens is I think a lot of people think and start to believe that something is fundamentally wrong with them. Something is different about them. something is sick or unhealthy about them that other people don't have because it doesn't make sense that we would continue to feel this pain over this thing over and over again. So, it's got to be her fault. It's got to be the boss's fault. It's the government's fault. It's the economy's fault. And if you are an addict, my true belief is that 90% of the world's population can grunt, huff, puff, and get pissy about the government and the economy and their parking spot getting taken. But if you're an addict, that stuff will kill you. You will you will go back to a drink if you continue to hate life. So let's look at these things as opportunities to heal. Let's look at these things as opportunities to take deep dives. And you know what? You might suffer for a few months, but the Greeks call it Magna Carta or or the the the great suffering, the Felix culpa, the great suffering that is really providing an opportunity for you not to suffer more, not to try to do a different, but to look at that suffering and see what it's showing you. See what it's showing you about you. So, the other way to say this is put your microscope away and take out your mirror. Put your microscope away and take out your mirror. Look at yourself. Why do I get like this? Well, I get like this because I don't feel hurt. They're not hearing me. Okay. Well, why don't you feel like they're hearing you? Because they just don't pay attention. Well, why don't you want not want to be paid attention to? This is like a conversation everybody can have with themselves. Well, I want to I don't want to be I want to be paid attention to because if they're not paying attention to me, that makes me feel like I don't matter. Okay. Well, why do you not want to matter? Well, if I I don't I feel like if I don't matter, then what's the point in life? And everybody can come up with their own stuff, right? Well, why why why are you worried that there's no point in life? Well, well, I'm worried about no point in life because if there's no point in life, I'll give up. And then well, why are you scared to give up? Why do you not want to give up? What's wrong with giving up? Well, if I give up, then I might drink again or stay home and and pee in bottles, you know, and and watch cartoons. Well, why what's so bad about that? Well, if I because then I'll I'm I'll hate myself again. Oh, okay. So, you're not frustrated at people who don't listen to you. You don't really need to feel heard. And you're not actually scared of not mattering. What you're scared of is being miserable. But you see, when you're mad at people for not listening to, you're miserable, right? Yeah. So, the very thing you're afraid of, you're recreating in your life, and you don't see it in the moment. You just want to prevent yourself from being miserable. So maybe let's find something you can do when people aren't listening to you. Like I don't know, we're just taking an analogy at the workplace, right? I got these co-workers and they don't listen to me. Like everybody's in the story. In the story in the story. It's the co-workers not listening to me. Okay. So what's something you can do to reaffirm to yourself that you love not being miserable? Oh, here's an opportunity to not be miserable. How these guys let let those guys be dorks. I'm going to go do something I can do. You know what? What can you do? Using the opport the the the the hardships as opportunities to look within and get free. It takes discipline. Uh it takes consistency. It takes repetition. But the movement that happens is wild. And I believe that this wildness, this movement, this excitement for change and progress is definitely the key to hang on to sobriety. But I I think is the answer for for all human beings really. Um however, we as people who have, you know, like to go down a pretty hardcore road, I think it's fundamentally monumentally important for us. And that's just to come all the way back around. That's what's changed in these last five years. I've stopped looking outside of myself and I've started looking inside of myself. And I found that scared little boy. I found that boy that needs approval. I found that boy with that anxious mother who attracts other anxious women who, you know, wants to go out and prove he's a man. And I've I've I've become a man on my own. And those relationships are starting to change. My interactions are starting to change because I've given myself permission to look at that stuff and decide that it's like an old toaster. It doesn't work anymore. I prefer to get a new one, a new sense of self, a new practice, a new perspective, a new tool. Um, it can be, it's a new thing. Depends on how you want to try it. I'm going to say, "Hey, you know, I'm going to say, "Hey, you guys are really frustrating me right now. I'm not feeling heard." See how that goes. And if they're still too frustrating at work, they still can't hear you, then I'm going to go do something. I'm going to do go do another project. You know, there's all kinds of different ways you can skin the cat, but it's important to be solutionoriented. In essence, the solution to the problem is in the solution. It's not in the problem. And that's just, you know, that's what I was trying to do at the event. You know, I'm going to come in and we're going to start this just by expressing our feelings. Your process is sacred and important. Everybody's process is sacred and important. Nobody's less than. Nobody's more than. We're all just here, spiritual beings having a human experience. Let's observe one another. Let's give one another permission to be and feel and let's breathe just like we all need to anyway as a unit, as a pack. And then you I mean, you saw and you saw what happens. You know, people the nervous system settles down, man. And you're no longer running on old programs. You get to be open to the present moment. It's it's beautiful and powerful. No, I let me tell you something about that that time that we hung out with. Okay, first of all, let me say this. Everything you just said was really really good. It was really powerful. I I saw myself as you were talking because when you talk about addiction, that's that's a hard thing to talk about. You know, you you get into addiction because you have some kind of a trauma. Yeah. And then all the addiction you're in, that's a trauma for, you know, you had to think back to and relive when you get into recovery. It's like it's like we hit ourselves in the head with a hammer to get rid of a headache. The trauma is the headache and then we drink on top of it. It's like that made it worse. Yeah, I I can totally relate to that because I think back to, you know, the time that I was in my addiction for 15 years and it was it was some of the scariest times of my life. I'm so so glad I'm not in it, you know, today. But it caused trauma that I have to deal with now. Yeah. which is hard to process sometimes even 15 years in. Absolutely, man. Because the conversations like this or being at the event with you is the was crucial because here's here's what I want people to hear uh as they listen to this podcast. I've learned how to and I know this is this is out there for some people. Some people won't get it, but they need to. Um, when I was in treatment, we were taught how to meditate and how to breathe. And I don't do that enough. And when I was with you, you you reminded me that this is super important. Like you just like I set aside time to pray or like um get closer to God as I understand him. You know, we're all in process forever. I need to work that into my process. Absolutely. Because it helps us just like you said earlier like you've got to dump that data. Yeah. And you that that helped to dump that data. You even said that you were able to do it for I can't remember how many minutes. 72 72 minutes straight on a brief trip. Like that's incredible. And and some people look at it, they're like, "What are they talking about?" So let me just set the tone. We were all in this room. Jeremy came in and taught us how to breathe in for one minute straight. We breathe in. We breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Am I saying that right, Jeremy? Yeah. Yeah. and and then you know we just just kind of just decompressed. I mean I was nervous about being there. I didn't know one person in that space you know it it was it was tough. Um and to be able to try to make an impact it it's something that I want to do in recovery and you have to try so many different things and people need to know that too that when you are walking in recovery you have to throw a lot of stuff at the wall. Not everything. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. see what sticks. Absolutely. Curve balls. And you know, just like before this podcast started, it didn't go the way that I wanted, but it still happened. We still fixed the toaster. Absolutely. Yeah. We got a new one. We tried another app. You know, we just we made it work. Was it ideal? No. Is it going to be fine? Yeah, it's it's totally fine. Um and that's just the way life's got to be sometimes. Even in recovery, people will hear this and they'll understand like they'll listen to your story and understand that this this dude was on TV, still is on TV, works with with people, has clients. But one thing you told me when you and I connected is you feel called to be back in this ministry of recovery. I think that's important. Yeah, I think it's really important. Not only does it help you, but man, you're going to help so many people just by, you know, leveling the playing field. I say sometimes just to let them see that Jeremy Jackson from Hollywood, California or or where where did you say you were from again? Orange County. But yeah, but yeah, I get it for anybody that doesn't live in California. Everywhere is LA. Everywhere is Hollywood. Yeah, it's all good. When I was in LA, I went to Orange County. I was um with some friends in um San Clemente. Oh yeah. Beautiful place. Beautiful. Yeah. I would love to live there. You can have LA, bro. I mean, I am I cannot handle I agree. Yep. But um but man, let me let me let me ask you this before we close. If you were talking to Jeremy from 25 years ago, because there could be a Jeremy out there now that's maybe they're just getting into recovery and they're still in that bedroom. They're watching cartoons all night long. There's a lot that you've learned over 25 years, but if you could give somebody one lesson to take home and it's simple. this is where you can start whether it's you going to meetings like you said for you it was connecting with the you know 60 year olds that were kind of stalking you want to give you ride what would be the one thing you would say to encourage guy or girl this is what you need to just try or this is what you need to do as you walk in this new time in recovery whether it's your first time second third fourth maybe it's your fifth time effort you know what I mean yeah well I live and die by a certain set of mantras and uh I'll share them with you, you know, uh because keeping it simple can be very effective. And so every day I remind myself, I wish I would have known this when I was younger, but uh I would tell myself that uh the more you let go, the more you will receive. Nothing is falling apart. Everything is falling together. God's got you. And uh yeah, I probably just share those ones with them, man. Divine love. Divine love is the only real power. Say, say one more time for me. The more you let go, the more you will receive. Nothing's falling apart. Everything's falling together. God's got you. I love that. Yeah. I realized, man, I've been [  ] blocking God for a long time, you know, and and and the truth is that that God is is so much bigger is so much bigger than any of us can put our heads around. And the only thing holding me back from it is what I think I know and what I think I need and how I think it's supposed to go. I mean, it's it's it's real surrender. So, you know, there's that that Bible scripture, be not conformed by the things of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, right? That as a man thinkketh, so shall he receive. And for me, that brings it right into that that that we reap what we sow, right? And I'm sewing seeds. And seeds are very much like thoughts. A thought seems so fragile, so frail. I'm just It's just a thought. I'm just thinking I suck. I'm just thinking I can't do this. I'm just thinking this is too much. I'm just thinking how bad my back hurts. I'm just thinking but the doctor told me uh I have COPD. I'm just I'm just thinking but a thought like a like a seed if I showed you this acorn and I said, "Dude, one day this is going to be huge oak tree." You're like, "Yeah, but it's just this thing. It's going to take forever and oh, you got probably got to plant it right and I probably won't even be alive by the think time." But but one day indeed that is a mighty oak tree, right? So we we have to think we have to realize that seeds are thoughts and and that we will reap a harvest of what we're sowing through our thoughts. And although I'm never going to be perfect and I don't have it all figured out and I don't have the answers and I'm really not an expert, I can start to train my mind to think better than I feel so that I'm I'm I'm I'm giving God the opportunity to work in ways beyond my comprehension. And so um it's been a powerful practice for me, man. I some of them that I that I repeat to myself is divine love is the only real power. The only real power is divine love. I am filled and surrounded by the perfect peace of God. I'm right where I'm supposed to be. What's meant for me will be. Nothing's falling apart. Everything's falling together. I am one with all and all is one in me. Wo N. I am O N E with all and all is W N in me. So, as I as I seek to not fight out here anymore, but to to wrestle in here in in my own thoughts, in my own mind, in my own heart, and the wrestling really is just letting go. It's just giving these things over to that power greater than myself, and allowing source to work in my life like it works in the life of every other living creature that doesn't have this kurfunled consciousness that I have. Plants and birds and bees and flowers. don't overthink anything. And yet they they work just perfectly. The tides and the moon, everything comes up and sets and does everything it's supposed to do. And somehow I feel out of place. Somehow I feel better than that person or worse than that person or too broke or too young or too old or too fat or too skinny. But I'm not. And none of us are. We're all created in the image of the creator. And and once we re once we reaffirm that and allow ourselves to really just believe that we will be taken care of just as well as every other creation of his. I love that. And I know I keep saying I love that, but I mean everything you're saying is so good. Um you you said something about the sun and the sun when we were in California. Oh yeah. Yeah. What what was that statement? Well, I just I love those, you know, those it's called um it's called uh what's it called? It's called the study of um Oh, why am I spacing? I I can It's on the tip of my tongue. Yeah. No, I know what it is, but um there's there's a study that uh Simpson sim I I forget the name of the study. That that sucks. But um there's there's these incredible parallels out there once you start really looking. There's incredible parallels. And you know, I spoke to that 2.63 trillion volts of electricity, you know, in our bodies and and the parallel of of when when our body dies and we lose that weight. um you know that that is that is that the soul is that who we truly are you know um and you know a lot of people call God energy right and energy is electricity and it's like oh my gosh like that's a piece of God in me like the the energy energy the the energy the electricity that's that's divine energy is that is that the divine spark is that is that the breath of God that gave me life from the earth when he picked up the earth and breathe life into us. Is that that is that who I truly am? That's incredible. And and also that you know what we talked about uh that morning was that as we breathe and we open up our diaphragm, we open up our lungs and we provide the oxygen and we hold our breath that oxygen um it creates more hydrogen in the body and that the sun su n burns on hydrogen. Right? And this this this this this Christ love, this Christ consciousness that this I I come that you should have life more abundantly. You know, this feeling and this belief that I have the power of the sun su n or is it the sun s o n? And and that's pretty powerful, man. That that that gives me permission to to consider life on a whole different plane, right? And I like that plane. I do too. Do you feel like and and then we can we we can close because I've I've kept you a long time. Um these last five years, do you do you feel like in these last five years you've had a closer connection to God than you did in the years prior? Closest ever. Not not you know not only closer but also the realization that I'm I'm barely scratching the surface. I mean for years I lived in shame and guilt about so much. How am I ever going to stop cursing? How am I ever going to not fornicate? God does not going to love me. I can't really get that close. I mean, I believe, but it's like it's it's it's over there, you know? It's over there when I'm a better boy. It's over there when I've I'm done flendering with the world. And it's like, but I'm never done. It's like, uh, it's it was over there. And so, in the last five years, I've I've come to these realizations. And let me tell you, like I mean when I use swear words, I don't have guilt for it because I know God loves me and I know they don't really even mean anything. But but like the the the philandering, the overeating, like all of these things that I used to be in a prison, like they just kind of they just kind of dissipated. I don't have this craving to go get hot chicks. It's like it took care of itself, right? When I when I when I leaned in to spirit and when I when I straightened out spiritually, I straightened out mentally and physically as well. Those things took care of themselves because what happens here's how it happens. Thoughts create feelings. Feelings when they're frequently or repetitive repetitively felt, they become belief systems. When and belief systems are what dictate behavior. So I was trying to change behavior but I had a weird belief and I had weird thought. So I changed the weird thoughts into those beautiful thoughts that I shared with you. Those, hey man, it did fall together. Hey, I lost I lost two jobs, but I said nothing's falling apart. Everything's falling together. God's got me. And then I gained four. Whoa, it works. This really works. It came back to me. Or I lost two jobs. I'm not going to be able to make it. And it's like, wait a minute. No, it's fine. I can just pull back 10 bucks a month here, too. I'm going to cancel that subscription. Oh, it was all fine. I was about to throw the baby up with the bath water. I was about to get all anxious. So, I just replaced with consistent new thoughts. Those new thoughts created new feelings. Those new feelings I kept disciplined working with. They became belief systems. And now I'm not chasing tail. It took care of itself. I don't even have to think about it. Happens. So although I do feel what's that some people call that faith too. I think that faith becomes a knowing. It's even bigger than faith is knowing. Carl Young said it. Carl Young said, "I don't no I don't um I don't have faith. I know it's it's unshakable, you know. Um but I believe that that glimmer of hope, which is what we're both here to do, right? We're both here to hopefully give somebody a glimmer of hope because that glimmer of hope will become faith and that faith will become a deep knowing, a fundamental truth, an intrinsic value that nobody can take away. And when you know that stuff, that is when you have your your dominance. That's when you have your dominion over the beasts of the land, the fowl of the air, and the fish of the deep. Because the fish of the deep represent the unseen sustenance that's hidden to the naked eye. We look at the ocean surface and we never deny that there's orcas and sharks and starfish and treasures, but we can't see them. I can't see them, but we know they're there. So, even though we can't see the hand of God reaching out, you know, bearded guy in the sky coming down and rocking a rockab by baby. But even though we can't see it, we know, you know, and the the ocean will feed you forever. There's trillions of dollars and gold dust in the in the ocean. There's buried treasures and unexplored adventures. And when you have access to that that type of Christ consciousness, you know that life is the same. Life is a is is abundant in nature and that there's plenty of money to go around, plenty of food to be had, plenty of opportunities, and um you know, I hope I hope to uh continue to grow that. Hey guys, thanks so much for tuning in to this week's episode. I'm gonna tell you something. I sat back and just listened today. I listened to what this man had to say. He has wise words of wisdom, not only from a perspective of uh clarity and a relationship with God as he understands him, but just a sense of just being spiritual, not just human. And and I know that we don't get that deep on this podcast, but I'm glad we went that deep today with Jeremy. So, thank you so much for streaming, listening, subscribing, and doing everything to support Recovery Bow. We'll see you next week.