I Burned Through Our Entire Savings Account to Buy Pills: Jeremy's Story of Redemption and Recovery

In this heartfelt episode of The Recovery Vow Podcast, Eric sits down with longtime friend Jeremy Willis and his wife Jennifer to share their powerful journey through addiction, recovery, and lasting marriage. Jeremy opens up about the early influences that shaped his struggles, the painful spiral into opioid addiction, and the moment he chose recovery in 2009. Jennifer offers her perspective as a spouse, walking through betrayal, fear, and ultimately choosing to stand by her husband in support and faith.

Together, they reflect on the challenges of rebuilding trust, the importance of community, and how pouring into others has become a lifeline in their healing. With honesty, grace, and humor, the Willis’ story reminds us that recovery is possible, marriages can survive the storm, and hope is always worth holding onto.

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• Transcript

  Hey guys, thanks for joining us on the Recovery Abbout podcast. Today's episode is one that I've been excited about for about two months now. A friend of mine from my childhood, Jeremy Willis, stops by with his wife, Jennifer, and they share an intimate look inside of what uh addiction looked like in their marriage and what recovery looks like in in their marriage. Now, these guy, they have been together for 130 years. Um, I remember meeting them or meeting her u in 1996, but Jeremy taught me how to play golf. Um, I worked for his dad at my first job at a pizza place. And so we go way, way, way back. So, I just want you to settle in and just listen to a very heartfelt um true story of what love is, uh, what recovery looks like, and what a great marriage looks like. So, sit back and enjoy the show. Welcome to the Recovery Bout Podcast. I'm your host, Eric Kennedy. Thank you both for coming on the Recovery Val podcast. First of all, Jeremy and I go back to let's let's go back to the year 1995. Picture it. Wagner, South Carolina. Jeremy's dad built a pizza place, the first pizza place in town. And I I had to have a job there. It was me and Jay and Jeremy and I can't remember anybody else, but this is how fun this job was. It wasn't like a job. We we just had fun. Mhm. And uh this is this is how cool I thought you were. Or I knew you were and I didn't think it. Oh boy. This dude had a low rider that far off the ground. It was a Mitsubishi Isuzu. Isuzu about this color. About that color with rims and you played golf and your parents own a pizza place. That's who I want to be friends with. I'll mop the floors. I'll do whatever. Now you you you had some low standards here. No, I didn't. Tommy Willis had me digging holes and we put in pools when I wasn't flipping pizzas. And um and this is how I'm digging right into our story because I mean 30 years ago that's who we were. It was probably the best time of my life. Um we just didn't know how good it was. You know, it was so much fun. Um but it also just led to our struggles. Um but I do this is what I remember. I remember uh hanging out with you and we listened to uh Shaggy on your on your radio and your low rider and you took me to play golf for the very first time ever in my life and we went to this place in Willist. Shout out Willist Country Club. But it's a 9-hole course. You play it twice and that's how you get 18. And um man, we had so much fun. Mhm. And we were doing things that we don't want our kids to do now. um drinking, smoking, loud music and and all the things, but it was just part of our story, right? And so that's what I want to do today. I just want to share our story. Now, you guys, I remember meeting you um when when you and you and Jeremy started dating. I don't know how long I've been dating, but it was around that 1996, I think, is what you guys said. Mhm. Y and um yeah, we were we were I mentioned it before we came in the studio. I remember watching the movie Kids and drinking Michelob Light before we played golf or something or go work pizza. But just talk to me from the time that um cuz I moved away from Wagner in 97 after I graduated. So you went to Lander, graduated. Mhm. Tell me um tell me what life was like for you growing up with with that with those kind of parents and then you know I know you had a sister and and all that and you had you know you guys met but just walk me through what do you think unfolded that got you to where you are or got you where you were and then to where you are. Yeah. Um, you know, I I had, as with any family growing up, you have your struggles, you know, financially, some some sometimes it's things are good, sometimes, you know, things aren't. Um, but, uh, relating my childhood, I had a great childhood, you know. Um, I think the most traumatic thing for me that really affected my path was um my a cousin um was killed in a car accident when I was 14. He was 21 and um he was he and I were very close. Uh he was like my older brother. Um and that I think that that kind of changed me in in some ways good, some ways bad. Um, you know, I I I did at that time start reading my Bible more and trying to hold on to something. But, um, you know, relating my my life and my story to addiction, um, in fourth grade, I I broke my femur, my leg on a skateboard. That's a big break. Yeah. It and almost and when I was in first grade, I had surgery on my hip because my hip socket was growing out of joint. And my doctor told me that if it had been, you know, like another inch towards my hip that it would have re it would have undone all the surgery he did when I was in kindergarten. So I was in the hospital for five weeks in the bed and for five weeks and and traction and I recall having a pump that they had put medicine into uh you know pain medication for for my leg and and every 3 hours I could press the button and I remember and recall you know fourth grade I'm not not mature by any means but you know I I recall all looking forward to that being able to do that every 3 hours or how often I got to uh to do that pump. Um so fast forward to when I was in eighth grade, I punched a mirror and cut all these tendons, broke knuckles, just fileted my hand basically. It was it was pretty pretty nasty. Um, and when I was coming, you know, healing from that injury, I recall the pain medicine that they would give me, I would I enjoyed taking it and I like the way it felt. I mean, yeah, it helped, you know, take my pain away, but um, but those were those didn't come out to light with me until I was in full-fledged addiction. and you know 09 when I went to rehab. Um but you know looking back and and all through my high school college college years I never I never you know maybe had some pain medication every now and then for for leisure fun but it wasn't something that I you know really thought thought about. Um, so then you know that obviously changed as I cuz like high school and college we're doing what we think all high school college people are doing you know and we're probably right but for us it just triggers something different. I can cuz I can relate to what you're saying. I've had the I've had the thing before the drip in the hospital for a broken bone. I broke my arm. Um you it sounds like though um and I'm I'm not a doctor but just the trauma from losing that cousin that that was a that was a big deal. Yeah. And you know the injury to obviously to my leg was before that. Um but that was a big deal you know and and you know when you go off to rehab I was in a a dual diagnosis facility where they do mental disorders and and addiction. Um, and I had a very good therapist and um, we kind of replayed a bunch of things from growing up and that affected me and that was obviously one of the biggest um, most tragic that that that I kind of went through and um, had to deal with. You know, I was 14 and I I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't I didn't understand it. Mhm. Um but you know, we we had a very close family. Um aunts and uncles and everything and we you know, we all pulled together and you know, honored my cousin as as as often as, you know, we could and talked about things and whatnot. But u you know, it it was a a big part of Who who was the cousin? Do I know him? Uh I don't think so. He went to he was was my mom's sister's son. Okay. His name was Timmy and you know my son's middle name is Timothy. He's named after Rafel from after my cousin which is and they're actually oddly enough they're very similar and how they how they act um is it's crazy because obviously my son never was never met him but yeah um they they they act similar. Well, well, walk me through um Jeremy, what you know, from the time that we hung out and and what got you to 09, like when did you know? And and Jennifer, the reason I wanted you to be here is because you you came along at 95, 96, whatever that year was, and you stayed with this man that you love. And I think it's important for listeners to hear that um you can make it through the addiction and after the addiction, through the the trauma, all of it. So, it's not easy, right? But it is worth it if you support your spouse. So, kind of walk me through tell me tell me some of the horror stories. Sh tell me just share what you feel like you want to share in your marriage that led you to that recovery. Yeah. Um, okay. So, so I was uh I started a job with a few of my closest friends, fraternity brothers from college in O2 and um and I about 06, [Music] late ' 06, 2006, um we hired someone at our office, a lady, and um she had access to pills And you know, she would give me some every now and then or whatever. And then, you know, it got to the point where I realized that what I felt way back as a child, that feeling. And you know, then I I enjoyed it and it kept, you know, ramping up to the point where, you know, I started paying paying for him. Um, did you have any idea about any of it in the beginning or No, nothing. Not until I realized that a lot of money was taken out of our account because it was at a different bank that I worked at. I worked at a bank and I never paid attention to what was at the other bank. And then one day I called him and said x amount of money is taken out of our account. We had somebody has stolen all this money from us. Like a lot of money. Yeah. And he that's when he had he said we we no it hasn't been stolen. We we need to talk. Oh boy. Exactly. Yeah. So so you know we had a savings account that we had been putting money in and saving and you know I would go by there and withdraw cash and take take money for that. I had a another account with some money. I had sold some some things property or something years before. Um, I took all the money out of it. Um, and it just kept, you know, snowballing it to the point where I, you know, sadly enough, I I started even stealing. Um, I stole from work. You know, I had some customers pay cash and I would take the cash and, you know, use that. Um, you know, I would take from where I knew anybody had cash, I would get it. And you know, it's crazy what we do in our addiction, man. We have got the brains that kind of go into that if we could apply it a different way. But I get it. I used to mail the water bill to the power company and the power the the power bill to the water company and just say it got mixed up that I had access to that cash because I could take those checks and cancel them or whatever. And my wife, she wouldn't none the wiser till I said, "Oh, I just messed that up. Uh oh." So, I mean, we find ways to find money. Yeah. I've I've always said told people that addicts are some of the most creative people in the world. And not in a great way, but like you said, if you can use that to other ways for other for other good things, they're extremely creative on how you have to go about uh you know, taking receipts and showing that you spent money, but you know, whatever you got. You ever watch some people on TV like where they they'll I seen this in like New York. They'll they'll dig through a trash can outside of a not saying you and I dug through a trash can, but just saying creatively. They would find receipts and and go back into like the Walgreens or whatever and say, "Hey, I'm" They'd go get something off shelf, have a receipt, and just say, "I'm returning this. I don't need it." And so it was already stocked. They're just getting the money back just to kind of feed the habit. That's right. You know, and that's when you talk about brains working that way. I get it. Yeah. So, how how many um So, this person that you kept in the office, I don't need to know a dollar amount, but how many how many pills were you taking? Well, it it got to be where I figured out she was making money off of me. So, I ended up finding out where she was getting them and started going that route. And you know towards the end I was probably at 20 22 pills a day oxies um lower tabs um you know sometimes it'd be more um depending on you know what the day was like but um you know when she found that out I tried to tried to quit cold turkey for over a weekend and it was it was awful. It was it was bad. And um can can you can you let can you define what that weekend looked like from your point of view and then from your point of view? I was supposed to do a 5K walk or run with my dad that Saturday. And I'm thinking a I can't tell my dad that my husband's a drug addict. Number two, I can't leave my husband because I don't know what might happen to him if he's withdrawing. I mean, I've never been around drugs. I that's a whole different world for me. Um, and so I was like, what do I do? What do I do? So I went and we had two small kids at the time. Um, so I I went, my mom was was babysitting and um the whole time I'm I'm walking this thing and I am so quiet. like I am not talking to my dad. I am thinking, "Oh my goodness, like am I gonna come home and he's dead or am I gonna come home and he's okay?" But I left him and he was on the back porch and sweating. I mean, just sweating uncontrollably. And um I I made it home and you know, life went on and then after that Yeah. So after that weekend, it wasn't probably the the Wednesday of that following week that I realized I I can't do it. I I went back straight back to to using. And um you know, I guess seeing that all that had happened and the guilt I was feeling, you know, my mind was like, we're going I'm going to go I'm going to go hard this time. this is all this is too much to bear. So um for I guess that lasted about a month and during that month um you know I had to be obviously even more creative. Um the money there's no money left in the savings account. Um, so you know, I went that's when I kind of went to towards more of the oxy some some of the harder the stronger ones because it was just like it's almost like this this my last effort here. I'm out, you know, I'm just I'm going to go go after it hard. Um, so a month in about a month into that I I started started getting like sick at work. I would come to come to work, I'd shut my door and lay down. Um, and I'd be nauseated. I was just I was really physically starting to kind of take its toll on me. And um, this around 2008. This was 2009. Mhm. Um, and in the meantime, he has seriatic arthritis, rheumatoid arthritis. So, I'm he's feeling bad and I'm thinking, oh, he just feels bad from arthritis, his autoimmune disease. M I I'm totally oblivious as to I mean I knew that I didn't know that he had started using again. Right. So, you know, like I said, I worked with two of a few of my really close friends and I was at home one night. We were at home and um they knocked on the door and they said, you know, we thought was you outside and they went outside and started talking. They were like, what's the matter? what's wrong? You're you're not right. And um cuz you've known these guys for years. Yeah. College. They were my roommates in college. And um you know, and I It's good to have people though that can read you. It is. It's It's good. It's It's good to have that, you know, that support. And um I told him, you know, and I also knew that now that since I had relapsed, I had to go back upstairs and tell her after she thought I had had quit. And how' that conversation go when you're when you're talking to business partners/ brothers slash friends and you know, however you want to define it. How do they receive that information when you you confess to them? um you know the business part of it is wasn't wasn't even thought about. Um, you know, it was you you got to you got to get taken care of. And um you know I'm very fortunate too that my my my boss and his wife that own the company had firsthand experience with you know addict addiction with family members and um I had to go to their house the next day and sit on the porch with them and have and talk with them that you know they they wanted that and they told me I had to go to a 30-day rehab um you know facility that my job would be fine. It would be there. Um that's good you know and and yeah very thankful to to have them and and to have them force me to or put me give me that option to go and it really wasn't option if I wanted to stay working there I had to go uh to a facility. So if you had to if you wanted to stay married you had to go. There's the truth. That was part of that, too. Um, you know, so that that that 24 hours of that was total chaos, you know, and I'm uh I'm looking for a facility to go to trying to, you know, this is back when we had phone books, you know. That's how I found mine was in the phone book. Exactly. Right. Yeah. I was laying on the floor and you remember remember Miss Audrey Bradley in that little blue trailer shed behind her? I rented that for $200 a month right by Carrie's house. Yeah. And um yeah, I I remember laying on the floor in the living room and I was just thumbming through the phone book and that's I had to call. Yep. The same way. Yeah. And that's that's what what you did. And um so you know I called a couple and had one call me back and that night I was on a flight to Memphis. That's good. With with one pill in your pocket? I have no I had I had a few I had some pills on I had some something and I well the guy picked me up from the airport when he picked me up we got out the car and I said I need to make a phone call real quick and I called the person that I had been buying from and I told him I said I'm I'm in going into rehab. I said I whatever I owe you I I'll take care of it but I don't I'm done. And um I got out to the van out the van at the rehab facility and what I had left in my pocket I took. Really? Um you know and and it was you know I was a couple Xanax or something but um you made that phone call to that person um to protect your family or just to let them really just to let them know you going to take care of when you got back? Both. Um, you know, I didn't there were some, you know, family members that that were pretty rough in that family, you know, could be a little fearful, but, you know, I wanted to make sure they understood I was going to take care of it and I was done. I don't I don't I'm not going to be calling. I don't And um, she actually while I was in rehab mailed her the money. Really? That's what I was about to ask like do you do you get somebody to help take because I owe I never paid that last I got $60 of me and and I I never paid him. So I mean I worried about him hurting my family over because they'll kill you over that you know or people they'll hurt your people. Oh yeah. And um and when I started working the 12 steps, I I was like, well, I got to I got to make amends with this dude or I got to pay him his money, you know. I can remember his phone number now. That's 15 years, you know. Yeah. I went by there one time. There was nobody home. So, I'm gone. And I I made my I made the effort, right? And what didn't happen so I can live with it. Yes. Continue. Sorry about that. I'm just trying to relate. But yeah, and and so I told her what what you know what to do and we we take care take care of it and that was that was done. Um while I was in rehab they you know the lady that was in our office was let go. Uh she had a lot of other issues things going on too and um a very unhealthy situation. So, um, went to rehab, which was the you left on our anniversary. Did you really? Or a day after that was October 8th, 2009 is when I checked in and I was in What's your anniversary? October 6th. 6. So, two days after. So, yeah, I was on the um where you they get you off of it, you know, first that detox. Detox. I couldn't detox for a week and then moved down to the other floor. But that that was an experience. You know, my my first my roommate when I moved from detox was an attorney from Alabama and he basically was told me he was going to kill me in my sleep cuz he thought I told on him that he had a cell phone and he knew all this karate that the guy was like 60 years old and he was talking and you know like you can wake up I'm I'm way over you I'm going to kill you. And so I told the staff, you know, I'm like, "What in the world?" And they're like, "We don't have any more beds. You can sleep out in the hallway in the back. There's a couch right there." Okay. All right. So I went back there and I slept on the couch for the first two nights. And then they got another roommate. And he was an attorney from Alabama, too. Um he's a young guy. Um and he ended up roll. He Yeah, he ended up dying about a year after I left rehab. um he had a lot of a lot of issues going on. But um anyway um it was a a very different experience. Um you know my therapist was from Colombia. I'm in Memphis and I got a therapist from Columbia and which of all places like and she was she was very good and um but just some of the makeup of the people there. I mean, doctors, attorneys, you got you got a guy that was on been on the street is on the street, you know, from Detroit. Um, you got an agent for the IRS there, you know. I mean, it's it's just all kinds of different people. No face to it at all. No, no, it doesn't. Addiction doesn't discriminate by any means. Um, and you know, I I took to some of them, you know, and you know, became friends and, you know, but you never know, you're around a bunch of people like yourself, you never know what their their motive is or or what, you know, they're thinking. So, you have to kind of, you know, keep keep your guard up. But, you know, I I worked the system while I the steps while I were in there. You know, we we got to go out and go to uh meetings and and do things. But um it was it was a experience. Um and and it you know she she found that she got to visit one weekend. Um, and you know, it was it was challenging, but I I had I had a lot of undoing what I had done and you know, a lot of work to show her, you know, that it's going to be okay, you know, cuz this is your opportunity to hit reset. That's right. And I'm still And I'm hot mad. I bet so. I'm hot mad. And I wasn't going to go until You didn't have to go? No, I did not have to go to family day or whatever it was. Um until his mom was like, I will pay for you. Because at this point, I mean, like, we don't have any money. I'm like, I can't I can't just get on a flight to Memphis and go see him. Yeah. One, I don't want to. And two, I I can't afford it. Yeah. And she said, no, you need to go. And I said she said that she would pay for it. So I got there and I was mad, but it's crazy all those feelings like you want to be mad with at him and you see him and then you just break down cuz you feel so sorry for him that he's just stuck in this web and he can't get out and as a wife I'm supposed to be there and the mother of his children I'm supposed to be there and support and support and support that that's a that's a big battle and there's no um a big battle and and we'll dig into this a little bit later in the in the episode but there's They did they offer something for you to do or to take home? Like you need to understand this is what's going be coming home? Yes, they did. But I think the the main thing cuz like I said, I have never been around any type of addict in my life. Um I guess you could say I was pretty sheltered. Um but when that I don't remember who was speaking at the family day, but he's like, "Do you think that your loved ones really choose to be an addict?" M like it is a disease. And that like really opened up my eyes to say it's not like he meant to hurt us. It's not like he would intentionally hurt his family or steal from people that he loved or all of these things. So at that point like my heart kind of softened a little bit and then I just went into support mode. Yeah. Cuz I'm glad you went. Mhm. Oh yeah, it was it was time too cuz it was good for her to be around that and even some of the other patients I guess you could say there kind of opens your eyes to realize yeah I mean you're in a bad situation but you see some that really have tough tough situations and and you know it kind of gives you the hope like man I've got a I've got a support group you know I've got a lot of these people don't and I do you know I've got a great support group. I got You getting letters every day? Mhm. Yeah. You know, I had people sending me letters every day, cards, you know, it was um it was eye opening as far as that goes. But which is good when you're in that frame of mind because you just you've been in a dark, lonely place for so long. When you got there, Jeremy, did you make like a dedication that this was going to be it or did something happen within the first few days after detox that something triggered like uh what made you know that you wanted to be the one that was successful from going, you know, with what I had done, you know, to her and our finances and my kids. Um, I made the the vow to to know more from the from beginning. Now I made that vow not knowing okay 100% what as I progressed through rehab you know seeing other situations talking to people going back to some of the things from my childhood with my therapist um talking about those things that solidified my vow more uh you know as I progressed through that because it made me realize even more you know like I And I can't be like somewhere like without my kids like this and you know and her having you know to deal with it, you know, it just it it made it real like yeah, this is it that I'm done. You had something to fight for. Yeah. You know, and I wasn't in the greatest frame of mind in the beginning, but I knew I wanted to be done. Mhm. I just had to get to that point where, okay, man, I'm done. Yeah. Um, and that was what 2000 October, right? 2009. So, how many ever years that is? Yeah. I'm not I don't I'm not good at math. 14. 2009. Almost 16 years. Yep. 15 years now. Um, you get home. Um, what's it like? Like I know what it's like, but my mar that that marriage failed and and it should have. Um, but not all marriages do. Some some make it. Look at you guys. Mhm. Um, you were in support mode, but what did what did it look like when you got home? Um, well, the first thing I noticed when I walked out the airport or and out the plane is, you know, my kids had signs. That's good. Everybody thought he was coming home from the military. They were like, "Welcome home, Dad." And they're like, "Oh, thank you for your service. Thank you for your service." Yeah. Yeah. Some service. Yeah. Um, but you know, my my daughter was old enough. She wasn't really old enough to grasp it. My son was two, three, two or three. So, three. So, he he didn't didn't get it. Um, and I didn't tell them until my son about, you know, 3 or 4 months ago really. Um, and it wasn't that I wanted to hide it. Uh, I just wanted them to be at a a a frame of mind, you know, spiritually and mentally to where they could kind of grasp it and not too young to think or, you know, hey, my dad's a drill head. He was a drill head, you know. Um, but but my children are extremely strong in their faith. That's great. And once I I realized they could handle it. They I wanted to tell them, you know, so they know now. And I I never tried to hide anything when I got when I got home. Um I even posted on my Facebook like you know where I had been for 30 days, what I had gone through. And you know I went to NA meetings for you know a while. Um and they were they were good. You know, it was just so so it was such a different situation in those meetings and ended up finding a men's group at my church for, you know, recovering addicts. That's great. And that was home. That was where I needed to be. Great, great group of guys. Um, you know, just older, younger. Um but you know, we all shared the same goal and had been through similar things and that was the the the biggest help for me. Um obviously repairing my marriage. Um you know, setting up boundaries for me. Um her and I having to, you know, sit down and communicate and talk things and be upfront. Um get brutally honest. That's right. That's right. And I was like, "You're off the bank account. We're going to the bank next week to get you off the bank account." That's number one. That's number one. Yeah. And I wanted to be, right? Because it it took me doing putting restrictions on myself to to help her believe and and know. Yeah. Obviously, it helps me helped me too, but I knew that I was at a point, and I know you're probably not supposed to say, "I know I'm never going to do it again," you know, but I knew that I didn't want to go back. I did not. And I could agree with you. Yeah. I knew from when I got out, I knew I needed that 12step program and I did that. But I'm the same way. I did the NA and the AA and all the A's and I'm not knocking them. But I was not ready to accept anything being an a higher power, right? You know, that that confused me. Yeah. And don't Jesus juke me. I wasn't ready for that either. I wasn't ready for that curveball. Do you know what I mean? Right. Right. But then I I got invited to church and then I found a small group like that and they accepted God as you understand him as your higher power. Now listeners that when you listen this podcast just know that um this is our experience. Some people find recovery, you know, in different ways. Not knocking that and I'm not trying to Jesus juke anybody. I'm just saying that I can relate to you cuz when I found that I I I haven't really gone back to meetings. I still Yep. stayed in touch with a sponsor and and because he was a good dude and um I didn't want that to be edged out of my life once I had it. That makes sense. That's right. Yep. Oh yeah. So I totally get that. But for you like um Jennifer, you had to create these new barriers or stipulations or whatever. Did you go like in your in your room and just start writing down like, okay, first of all, bank account is number one. like no, I didn't really have goals. I tried to be as supportive. I think that was probably my biggest goal to be supportive and not in a dictator role. Do you know what I'm saying? Like I didn't want to lay out a big laundry list on him. This is what you can and this is what you can't do because I didn't want to necessarily put I didn't want him to feel restricted even more than what he was already feeling of I mean trying to get through this addiction. Um some women just have told me before on the podcast that they just felt left out because it this program teaches us to be selfish. like we had to become very selfish and put it's supposed to be God, your wife, your kids, but you have to kind of slide that addiction in right above every one of those. And um and and I've talked to wives before or husbands if it's the wife that's in the addiction that they feel like they they forgot they've been forgotten about or you know um I need you to just make this about me a little bit. Not in a negative way, but hey, you put us through this. You know, I'm I feel this way still, but it's it's interesting that you didn't. You went into just full support mode. I mean, I I feel like I did. I don't I mean, I'd never gone through this before. I'm just basically trying to keep two kids alive and keep my life together, work full-time, and try to deal with all these emotions that I'm feeling. And I feel like I really had during that time to like really dive into scripture and really understand what it is to be the support system that he needed at home. Um the last thing that we needed to do was to turn on him, right? Unless he we wanted him to go back to the way that he was, of which we didn't do that. We believed in him. We all did. um share a share a moment that was like celebrated. You know, it didn't have to be like as soon as you got home, but maybe it was a month or two months or a year down the road. What was what was one big moment that happened after you got back out of treatment that you can say this is our family's this is this is going great. Do you remember anything? I remember you got to come home early, a little early from rehab and we went to a Clemson ball game and I thought, "Go Tigers." Yes. I thought God is good. The world is okay. That's perfect. There you go. But that was only that was pretty That was pretty quick. I mean, like he's still, you know, it's I don't I don't know that there's a moment a moment. I think it's because when you come back from rehab, you mean you have to relive and tell everybody stuff that's asking about you and talk about it, you know, and um you so it's almost like there's just a lot of little moments like, you know, man, we can we're at a Clemson game, you know, and and I'm clean, you know, and I'm having fun. I'm enjoying it, you know, life that's that's perfect, though. you know, life is happening, you know, without what without without what I've gone through and been, you know, living living with. Um, you know, the support and she has given me and staying with me is has been, you know, I can't I can't I'm grateful. I I can't repay that. I mean, obviously I would do the same for her, but you know, just the biggest thing for me that I I I got into after that cuz I'm not I can't I'm not one to sit still and sit around. I've got to be doing something. Same. And I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing, you know, but um my buddy that that I worked with, we we got into coaching and um his his son was a couple years older than mine. So he asked me to coach and football and then got into coaching football um coaching baseball. Then in 2016 we started he and I started our own youth program uh football program. Um and you know he he was there for a year and his son went to the varsity level. So he went with him to the varsity level and then I ran it with for my son to come all the way through the program. And um now it's you know when I when my son went to V to the varsity program level program I went with him too and turned it over you know to someone I had trying been looking for people that would take it on and it's tremend it's grown tremendously since then and we started you know a youth baseball team um travel team and um glad God bless you you traveling coaches and parents and stuff. Y'all go all over the place. Yeah, cuz our daughter did travel softball, too. But, um, so we we were we were running pretty. But to me, that was that that time that I would have on hand that now I was doing something. Um, and I was never the greatest mind, football mind, coach, but I poured everything into those kids. That's good. And it and it gave you you had to have that like you had to have something to fill that. It's like your like my wife picks on me because I I love doing projects around. Well, I did. She slowed me down cuz it cost so much. I had to have like a project around the house to do like, "Okay, we're going to put a pergola in the backyard or we're going to remodel the kitchen or but it was because I was chasing something in my mind. That's just how we're wired to. Um we want to lead, we want to do things well. We want to do it with excellence, but we want to have something to do all the That's right. That's why I've got this now. Like I can't stop, you know? But if I don't, I'll just live in my brain and that's where I don't need to be at. That's right. It that that is what I believe got him through where he is today and been clean for 15 years. Yeah. Is football or pouring him to our kids or to other people's kids that don't have a father figure. Mhm. Um that's a legacy you built. He he, you know, running them back and forth to practice. These aren't even our kids and he's running them back and forth to practice. He's getting them dinner on the way home because they don't have the the family support at home. But that is where he put all of his energy. All of his energy. Yeah. It makes me proud to be his wife. That's awesome. Yeah. you know, all all the kids I've coached, they know they can call me at any time and they they do, you know, it's been 2 or 3:00 in the morning. I've gotten a call and, you know, something going on and yeah, I'll be there. Cuz I was I was telling the truth in the beginning, but I was just just trying to break the ice before we started doing this. But you and I hung out when we were younger. And um and the reason I brought that up is because we did that and the the kids that we deal with today um it's not that we're trying to protect them from from doing that because they may walk in the same path that we did. Right. But that's just our path. That's just our testimony. That's right. And it doesn't they you're giving them an opportunity to do something else besides that. Absolutely. And if they do Mhm. Um they need to know that they can easily walk away from it. It doesn't have to define who they are or take over what they do, you know. That's right. You're just giving them opportunities, chances. Absolutely. And I think that's powerful. Oh, yeah. And and I think giving them a a a loving person, you know, don't get me wrong, when I coach, I would they hated me, you know, but but they knew I loved them and they knew they could come to me or they can at any point. And I told them, I'll always be here for you. you can come to me at any time. Just having that person that's no judgment, you know, hey, I've done it all. I'm I've done a lot of wrong. I can't jud I can't judge anybody. You can come to me and talk to me. Having that just to know you can go to someone and then talk to you. They're not going to judge you. they're just going to love you and and guide you and help you, you know, was what my goal was for them to have that, you know, cuz there's so many kids that that don't have the greatest situations and, you know, you just want to give them an opportunity or at least play some small part in their life that maybe one day they think, "Okay, well, I I remember, yeah, I can do that." You know, I can call coach Jeremy or I remember we did this. Yeah, I can do it. you know, you have the confidence or something, whatever it may be. Um, but that that was my that was my therapy. And I always told my kids that, you know, a lot of times in the practice that that you guys keep me alive. Yeah. And you got they got to have a good father figure. Yeah. You know, um I had a I had a good father figure, but then I think about Tommy. Yeah. I mean, he he's precious. He is. But I mean, we worked and But he was a good father figure to me from working at the pizza place. He was just like God. Like I remember him telling me this is why I want it to look like this. I want it to look like this pizzeria place because he wanted to do things with excellence. You know what I mean? Um and then putting in pools or whatever. But I I'll tell you this and this this is what makes me think about Tommy Willis is um we didn't go out to eat a whole lot when I was growing up. Like my mom would grab Kentucky Fried Chicken every once in a while. She went aching. But I remember we had the first night that that pizza joint or pizza stop was was open. He took us out to celebrate. One of the one of the the first nights and we went to um Ruby Tuesdays. He loved Ruby Tuesdays. It was the fanciest restaurant I've ever been to before in my life. A and and we went at like 8:00 at night and I'm like what are we going to eat at at 8:00 at night? You know, but that's just how he wanted. You remind me in your daddy right now. Um because of just pouring into people and making those little impacts. You don't know what's going to happen to those kids you're coaching 20 30 years from now that you know that's right. You you've made you've done something. So I commend you for that. Um before we close because I know we're we're pressed on a little bit of time but I'm not going to make this go fast but tell me what marriage has been like for you guys. I know it's got to be great in recovery, but what's it what's it been like the last 15 years? What have you learned from each other in recovery? I cuz you know these are tough questions right now. You know, marriages never stop in my opinion they never stop having struggles or or it's two different people, you know. I mean, you're two different people. There's no one that is exactly like you that where nothing's going to ever go. You still have your struggles, but I think what it gives me and and hopefully her is is the recovery when the addiction one was tough. And now going forward and whatever comes up, I think we're more prepared and realize whatever it is, we got it. Mhm. We we can Hey, this we got it. It's all right. We We've been through it. We've been, you know, we've had a lot tougher one to deal with. Um we got this one. Um you know, more of an understanding. Uh you know, the trust for her to me. Um you know, I think that finally kind of getting that back was was huge. Um and and and and openness. You know, I'm not a talker. You know, she I come home and she's like, "How's your day going?" It was good. And I'm just like sound like you sound like my wife Kristen. Kristen, I'm sorry, but it sounds just like her because it's like a list of things. She's got to tell me. And I'm like, oh, okay. But, you know, that's that's her and you know, but regardless, she knows that I would tell her things that, you know, like I just started a new job and I'm at that point where so many different things are happening. and I come home and I'm telling her and she's just over there like I love it all happy and like he's telling me all this stuff. But um you know so it it's I think just the the mature love part of it like we can handle it. We got it right. You know we've been together 30 years. It's not a big deal like little we don't really have like fights big arguments. Yeah. We may have some disagreements, but well, from what we've come from. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's just not even worth like, okay, babe, you want to be right, you go right ahead and be right. It's really okay. Or let her be right. Let her think that she, you know, she's right. It's okay. That's awesome. It's just the small stuff really doesn't matter. Yeah. But y'all y'all been together 30 years almost, right? Next year will be 30 20 January 26 will be 30 years that we've been together. We did it for six before we got married. That's insane. It is. It is. It goes by so fast, y'all. It makes you insane. Dear me. Her. Not me. I make her insane. Well, look. Um I'm giving you guys this book. Yes. Yeah. Uh it's it's hard to promote yourself or talk about something you've done. I I've done this for you for the supporting spouse of of a person that's in recovery because there's no the reason I asked you like did they give you anything or did you take anything back with you when you went to like family day there's not a lot of resource out there. So when when EXO published this book is because we did we did search like we tried to look for something and there wasn't like a workbook. So this is written as a workbook even at 15 years I would be honored if you guys would just go through it. You don't have to do it, but just Oh, yeah. Go through it and and and just tell me what you think about it. Um, give me some good feedback. I'd love to hear what you think. This is great because you're right. This I did not have a tool other than a Bible. This is the only You got to have that. That's the Right. Right. But there was nothing that tangible that I took away. It's super practical. Um, it's easy to go through. It's not it because for us like in that first year u I can't I didn't want to handle anything that was intimidating. I wanted I wanted to get my hands on everything when it came to recovery but like if you'd have put a book in front of me that thick like hey we got to go through it intimidating. Exactly. So this is you know there this is meant to just be uh very practical, right? That's a good word. That's huge for for for the spouse that is not an addict that doesn't know and cuz it's hard for them to relate and that's that's a huge tool. Um great job. I'm excited to read it. Dig into it. I I want to say this before we close. Um uh we've stayed we've kind of connected u over the past few years uh via you know social media or whatever and I've watched you guys from afar. Not like stalker us or anything like that, but just just watch, you know, you come up, your kids grow up, and then when you told me that you were in recovery, it blew my mind. I had no idea. Yeah. Um, so I want to say I am so proud of you. I am proud of you. And I'm just proud that you guys toughed it out and you are setting an example for not only your kids, but for your parents and for the people um that you surround yourself with. It's just important. Mhm. And so I'm appreciative of you sharing your story. And I know we didn't go into all the heavy detail and that's great, but uh people need to see that marriages can be successful when they have recovery and you can have a successful life and successful marriage and all the things. Absolutely. And it's not perfect and it doesn't have to be perfect, but it's genuinely yours. Absolutely. And that feeling is likewise. I'm proud of you. I appreciate that. Yeah. Absolutely. This where you are, how you're reaching out is I got to have a project. I got to have something to do and my wife's sending more pergola. So, I'm like, "Okay, I'll do a podcast." There you go. Well, uh, thank you guys for coming on the podcast and we'll wrap up and we'll take you out to eat. I don't care if you had Arby's earlier or not. All right. Hey, thanks for listening to the Recovery by Podcast. I hope you had a lot of fun with us. We talked about enough surface level stuff that we want you to hear, but I hope that you enjoyed listening to Jeremy's story. Um, I think that this story was one that just came with grace and honor and dignity and I appreciate him being here and just being truthful. Um, and just thank you guys for listening in. As always, if you would like to be a supporter of the Recovery Val podcast, we are a nonprofit. So, if you would like to become a d a donor or supporter, you can go to www.reoveryval.com. If you'd like to follow us on any of our social media platforms, you can do so. For our older folks, we're on Facebook. For the younger crowd, we're on Instagram. If you'd like to subscribe to us on YouTube, you can do that. And you can stream us on any of your favorite platforms every Monday. So, we'll see you next week.