Breaking Free: Bridget’s Story of Alcoholism, Depression & Restoring Faith | Recovery Vow Podcast

In this moving episode of The Recovery Vow Podcast, Eric sits down with Bridget, who opens up about her battle with depression, anxiety, and alcohol addiction—and the long road to finding peace, faith, and purpose. Together, they explore what drives us to numb our pain, how rock bottom becomes a turning point, and why true recovery starts with facing what’s underneath the addiction.

Bridget shares her journey of trying to escape emotional pain through drinking, her struggles with detox and withdrawal, and the healing process that followed. She speaks honestly about loneliness, the fear of change, and the beauty of rediscovering who she truly is. Eric and Bridget discuss how support, accountability, and surrender can transform even the darkest moments into opportunities for growth and grace. This powerful conversation reminds us that recovery isn’t just about quitting—it’s about becoming whole again.

On This Episode:
The emotional roots of addiction and depression
Bridget’s turning point from drinking to healing
The pain and process of withdrawal and recovery
Why surrender and community are essential for lasting change
Finding identity, faith, and hope beyond the bottle

Connect with Bridget:
Spotify: The Burnt Bridge Podcast

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Socials: @‌RecoveryVow
Website: http://recoveryvow.com
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• Transcript

  Hey, thanks for joining us on the Recovery Val podcast. Today I have Bridget. Now Bridget and I, this is our first time meeting, but we have mutual friends in Texas, Miss Jordan Clower. Mhm. Love her. I love her too so much. But it's not about Jordan Day. It's about Bridget. Bridget, thank you for coming by the podcast. Absolutely. What was addiction like for you at your weakest, lowest point? And cuz you're super young. Mhm. So tell me, how does somebody in addiction realize this is not me at that age? Right. I think that was probably the hardest part of it was realizing, okay, I don't think I'm actually just depressed. I think I have a problem with drinking because for a really long time I thought I was just drinking because I was sad and then when I found myself at my lowest I realized that oh no I have a I think I'm sad because I'm drinking. What would why were you sad? Well to be quite honest with you my whole life I just I struggled with depression, anxiety, so started drinking pretty early to um you know to cope with that. Mhm. But what they what they don't tell you is alcohol is a depressant, so [laughter] it doesn't really help. Um, you know, and then I'm early 20s and I think, well, you know, everyone's drinking this much, you [snorts] know, that this can't possibly be a problem for me. I'm just this is what I'm doing right now. As soon as X, Y, and Z happens, I'll drink less and it'll be fine. Um, and then, you know, I would say probably one of the lowest points, you know, was COVID era. Um, and finding myself isolated. So, I couldn't really look around and distract myself from what I was going through. And I think the morning waking up realizing that I was in full-blown withdrawals [clears throat] every single day. I had been inebriated for like genuinely 24/7 for 3 months was um really what? Because of CO. Yeah. CO. So CO kept you at home. You're already dealing with depression. Mhm. You wrapped those two together. Yeah. And you're at the house and you're drunk 24/7. Yeah. And I was I mean I was waking up and I thought I was just hung over cuz I didn't know what withdrawals were. I was like I just feel bad. And tell us what your withdrawals look like in the morning time because some people have [clears throat] different kind of withdrawals. Right. For me it was uh shakes, just profusely sweating um and just panic attacks, bad um and just like general weakness all around. Like I just everything was hard to do. Brushing my teeth is hard to do. It just felt like my body was full of sand or something. Um, and you know, it's the classic thing of like mimosas, hair of the dog. You know, I learned that that kind of makes those jitters go away. And then when I was by myself, I was like, well, there's no one to judge the fact that it's 7 a.m. and I'm reaching for a bottle of vodka in the morning. Um, and you know, before I knew it, I looked back and the last 3 months were I mean, just a total blur. like just no memory of them. Um, and I think that's when I realized like I knew kind of I had a problem for a while, but I didn't realize that I couldn't really do anything about it anymore. I was like, well, eventually I'll this this is the point where I felt truly helpless and like, oh no, I'm in over my head with this kind of thing. Yeah. I mean, we've we've had guests on the matter of fact, we had some earlier this morning that said the same thing like, you know, I chose to do X, Y, and Z at this age because I knew that once this thing happened in my life, it would trigger like, okay, you probably need to stop or have a kid, get married, be in a relationship, whatever that XYZ needed to be. And then the other thing um that is um I've heard about is CO um which I was sober in CO. So, it it really didn't affect me, but I can see where people would get that extra level of anxiety or depression kicks in when you're at home. Mhm. As you get old like I am, you want to be at home, but when you're young and you know, you should be out doing things. Um, and 3 months becomes a blur that that you know, a lot of people just didn't think about that. We didn't think about you guys that way. Mhm. Um, did something happen in in the in your past that was like trauma that you feel like maybe caused you to be depressed that then led to drinking? Like, you know, I asked you a minute ago like why were you sad, but was there like a legitimate thing that you just never uncovered when you were younger? I think so. And, you know, in sobriety, I've done a lot of reflection about my childhood and um, all that stuff. And I think what I've kind of gathered is I was the baby of my family by far. My siblings are 7 and 10 years older than me. And so, um, my brother, he's my oldest sibling, and he struggled a lot when I was young with his own battle with addiction. But interestingly enough, we all kind of just thought that cuz his was more drugrelated than alcohol. Mhm. So we all just kind of thought that cuz he just got sober by like stopping. Some people can. I think good good for them. Not me. I'm going to spend somebody's money. I have to go to treatment. Absolutely. You have to remove me from society in one way or another. But for him, he just, you know, he struggled with some mental health stuff and he just stopped doing the drugs. So we all just kind of chocked it up to like, okay, he he had mental health issues and then he used because of that. Um, so that was kind of chaotic when I was really young. So I think that's where a lot of the anxiety started was just kind of that instability as a as a young kid. Um, and other than that, I mean I I think that's where I can trace back the anxiety to, but I think I just kind of had a general disposition of like I'm an artist and everything's sad and like I thought it was like romantic. I don't know. And I I kind of liked that part of me until, you know, I got out of college and I got into the real world and then it's like, oh, I'm just here with that sadness and there's nothing really romantic about it. Um, and then, you know, I mean, I think I had been drinking since I was in high school, too, because it made the fear go away, you know, for a time until, as we know, it stops working. Um, and then you know during co I had just moved up to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Actually, I was living with my then boyfriend and it this was like our first time like giving it a real shot. And what giving life a real shot? We were high school sweethearts and so we were on and off again, whatever. And we were like, we're going to move somewhere and just be together and that's what we're going to do. And Sounds great. Yeah. Know, it went really well. Um, and in that was January of 2020 when I moved. So, I got a great job and I was like so excited and I was like, "This is when I'm going to turn the drinking around for sure. Just you wait. You guys will see." Um, and then, you know, fast forward 2 months, get laid off. Um, we very much handled the pandemic differently in terms of like everything. And so I I felt alone more so than I actually was, but I didn't know anyone else in that city. Um, and you know, where was the city again? Tulsa. Tulsa, Oklahoma. Okay. Mhm. Which was, you know, it was it was a 6 months that felt like a true eternity, but also no time at all cuz I don't really remember it to be so honest with you. Mhm. Um and then that kind of started a 2year um battle of like trying to get sober was uh I think I went to my first detox in June of 2020 and then I think I was out for maybe a month, two months, then ended up right back in one. I think I went to detox I always say seven to 10 times because I'm actually not sure how many times I ended up there. What was the reason behind doing detox versus just going and checking in a treatment center? Well, I had no idea what anything was. And so my mom one night, my then [clears throat] boyfriend ended up leaving. He was like, I'm going on a trip. Good luck with this. I have got to get out of here. And so I was devastated and I called my mom and I was just, you know, telling her about everything. And I go to sleep that night, aka I pass out that night. And I wake up and she's driven in the middle of the night 4 hours up there and she just shows up in my apartment and she's like, "We're taking you back down to Dallas to get you assessed." And again, at this point, my family thinks that when you're drinking or using or whatever, it's because there's an underlying mental health issue. So, she was like, "I'm going to take I got you an appointment at this place. We're going to go get you evaluated." So, we're all thinking they're going to be like, "Oh, she's severely depressed. Here's some medication. Maybe Y brother. Mhm. And so we go to this we drive back down to Dallas. We go to this appointment the next day and it was like a behavioral health center that did all sorts of things, but I and I thought it was like a therapy clinic. Um that's not all it was. [laughter] Looked at me like shaking in the chair and sweating. And they're like, "You're in full-blown withdrawals and you need to stay here because it's really dangerous." And I had no idea that it was. How much were you before you got it to that first one? Do you remember how much you were drinking of the vodka? It's tough to say. Um because I would what I would do is I would get a Sonic cup route 44 and you know just put any number of like lemonade or something and just fill up whatever really I saw fit. But if I if I had to quantify, I would say a handle would be gone in one to two days. Um, but all the days kind of bled together, so it's kind of hard to quantify, but it was bad. Well, I can just for doing math purposes, a handle is a gallon, which [clears throat] divided by two would be half a gallon a day. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's helpful information for me. Yeah. And you will stay depressed. Yes. Absolutely. And so, you know, they looked at me and they were like, "You need to stay here." I was like, "I don't understand what you're saying to me." um stay here. Um and they were like, you know, explain to me what the withdrawals were. And of course, I think they're being dramatic. I'm like, that's guys, I've been living like this for years. Like, it's fine. Um and so I made a deal with them and I was like, I have got some stuff I need to take care of. Mind you, I had no stuff I need to take care of. I didn't have a job. You just said that [laughter] there's no stuff you have to do. Absolutely not. And so I'm like, I got to get my affairs in order. and I will come back here tomorrow. How old are you? Uh 20, let's see, 20 23 2. Yeah, there's no affairs or things you need to get in order at 23 years old. I mean, I literally didn't have a job. I didn't have anything. Um and somehow they let me do that. And of course, the only affairs I had to do was drink more because and I remember telling my family, I was like, "Well, this might be the last night I can drink, I guess. I don't really know what they're talking about." Um, and then, you know, in my defense, because my mother made me, I came back the next day and I did my first stint in a facility that was kind of like a it was more of a mental hospital than it was like a treatment center detox type thing. And I remember them telling me like, "No, you need to like you were a person who has to stop drinking." And I remember thinking like, "Oh, okay, great. I'll just stop drinking then." because I never really tried before then cuz I didn't know that I needed to. I mean, you know, and so people were like, you know, what are you going to do? Do you like are you going to do a program? Blah blah blah. I was like, no, I'll just not do it anymore, I think. And sounded easy. Yeah. They were looking at me like, okay. And this is detox. Yeah. Inside. Did they medicate you to help you like safely stay off the alcohol? I'm sure. I'm sure they did. The first few days they usually give you something to help you sleep, maybe calm your nerves. Yeah. Ease some of the depression, some of the withdrawal. The first the first maybe 3 days were semi- medicicated and then the remainder of the time was was not um but it seemed it just seemed like I it was going to be able to I was going to be able to do it. Um, spoiler alert, I was not able to do it because I think I think I made it two weeks and I was living with my parents and I just like I found myself drunk again. It was so confusing and I remember thinking like I have no idea what I'm up against. And so I ended up going back to the same place like very shortly after I went there the first time. And that just really kicked off this yearslong, you know, in and out, in and out, trying to figure out ways of how can I how can I figure out that I'm a little bit different than other people in that I can figure out a way to find some happiness and then I'll be able to drink like a normal person and it'll be fine. The classic story. Um, you're trying to figure out how to be functional. Yeah. until I really and it was crazy because I knew I was an alcoholic, but I just thought that I was going to be able to figure out a way to just be an alcoholic and like make people be okay with it, I think is what I really wanted. Did the place that you go ever look at you and say you are a full-blown alcoholic. Yeah, they definitely told me. Yeah, it was just a matter of me believing you. I mean, because you just seem like the personality says, I agree with that. Mhm. Yeah. Now, let's go. Let's move on. And I really was also a type the type of person in those centers and in rehab where I was like I want to be the A student. I want to get the good grade in this rehab class and everyone. I want all the, you know, the employees to think I am going to do so well when I get out of here. And I wanted to do well for sure. But it wasn't until, you know, the last few times I went where I was like, I got to figure this out for for me, not to make other people feel like I'm doing well because I I think, you know, I'm towards the end of my rope. Um, which like you know the story I just told was my original rock bottom and then there's like original rock bottom being in and out of detox. Yeah. And just getting there in the first place like realizing um that was probably like the lowest point in my life up to that point and then it's like you know that phrase it's like you hit rock bottom and you just keep digging. Mhm. Um and then I would say the secondary rock bottom was um the last time I went to treatment. So I went to treatment three times. Final time I went to treatment. I was uh going supposed to be the maid of honor of my sister's wedding and it was like a month away and I had been relapsing for like genuinely went to detox four times in four months from January to April. And so I'm like, okay, I I had relapsed and I was like, okay, I know what they do in um in detox. They give you that medication to make you feel better and then after a few days you feel better. And so I sourced this medication from the streets. Um which did not end up being the that medication, you know, it was laced. And I was living by myself at this time. What was it laced with? Fentanyl. Oh my god. Mhm. And I mind you, I wasn't doing any drugs at this point, so I didn't have any tolerance for anything. I just thought, I'm going to detox myself at home. It's just crazy thinking. Um, so I end up taking that and I passed out for I'm not sure how long. Um, but it was definitely days because I woke up and I was in my bed and I had my phone laying next to my head on the pillow and I had thrown up on my phone. My phone was broken because I threw up on it. [laughter] And the police were at my door doing a wellness check on me because my family had sent them. [sighs] And I of course was like so out of it, just like confused on what where I was and what day it was. Um but I tell them like I'm good. I'm everything's fine. Don't look here. Um then I end up going to actual detox of course after that. And that's when I found out that it was laced with things when they tested for what I thought was Xanax. And I didn't have any Xanax in my system. And man, you're lucky, Bridget. For sure. And I think that was the time getting to detox that time and finding that out. I was like, "Oh, I mean, I thought that I could die maybe like in a few years like my liver would fail." I didn't realize how like imminent it could be. Um, and and even the level I was drinking because after that, before I get to the detox center, I drank more to go to detox, of course. And I get there and on the breathalyzer, I blew an H, which is hey, [laughter] it's like, hey, but it's higher than a point 4 was what they told me it was on their breathalyzer. So you you were so drunk it wouldn't register. Is that what you're saying? That's correct. Yeah. How many times did you do detox um before you went to treatment? Less than 10 or more than 10? Less than 10 the first time and then [clears throat] between each of the three treatments. Yeah, there was that's when I get confused about the number of times because especially between my second and my third treatment center, I didn't want to go back to treatment at all. So, I was like, I just need to get to detox, you know, dry out a little bit and then I'll get there. Um, I did not get there. As it turns out, I needed to go back to treatment. And in that time when I was in detox the last time, I was going to get out. My plan was I'll get out of detox. I'll go to my sister's wedding and I'll figure it out from there. Well, my family did an over the phone intervention while I was in detox and they were like, you can't come to this wedding. Like, what do you mean? You're not going to go to the wedding. Mhm. And that was really like eye opening for me because I mean to have my family who I love them and they love me so much be like we don't want you to come like you can't come. Um was just something that I'd never experienced before. And so that's when I ended up in treatment the last time [snorts] and I've been sober since that point. Where did you go to treatment and when was that? So, that was a treatment center in Austin called Recovery Unplugged in uh April of 2022. [snorts] I can't do math. That's three years ago. Mhm. Okay. Mhm. Um, was your sister happy you weren't in the wedding? And has she forgiven you since? Yes. So, she actually I always credit her with this because on that phone call, you know, I'm sobbing and I was like, Bailey, I have to be at your wedding. Like, I I have to be there. You're my best friend, you know. And she told me, she was like, it's it's one day. I want you to be there when I have my kids, you know, in the way that you're living, you're not going to be there. Um, this is one day in my life. Like, it's not that big of a deal at all. And that helped like put it into perspective for me because I didn't really even at that point understand the gravity of like no you're right I'm not going to be there for when you have kids like at this rate. And it was the coolest thing ever when she ended up having her first kid and I got to be there in the hospital and you know I just thought about that moment and that has always been one of those like key moments for me that I pull when I need it. You know, it was really cool. And and you know, I was like when I made amends to all of them, they are so wonderful that it was like I didn't need to even ask for their forgiveness. It just already was there. Um, which has given me a lot of grace and being in recovery and having friends in and out of addiction. And cuz even when you understand addiction, watching someone go through it, it's like so it's like what are you doing? even though I know and I've been there, I'm still like, "No, get it together." It's so it's given me a lot of grace because they didn't understand and they gave me that much grace and you know it just it really changed everything for me for sure. So on on this podcast, the reason I like you know recovery vow does a lot of different things. We have a we have a book, we have a podcast, we have the collective, we have we even have our own line of coffee now. But on this specific thing, a podcast, the reason I like this platform, is because people come on here and they and they'll share all these different things that they went through and their definition of what addiction is and then their definition of what recovery is. Um, if you were going to talk to another version of you, there's going to be a young Bridget out there. Maybe they're in college right now [snorts] and what would be something that you would want to tell them that you learned from going to so many different detoxes? What is the thing that you didn't do that you did do when you finally went to treatment? Like what what what clicked in that third in that third trip? Because I heard you mentioned a men's and I don't know if it's because you started working like a 12step program. Is that the thing or is there something else? To be honest with you, I'd worked a 12step program even before that and I I did all the way through. Not all the way through. I always stopped at a men's [laughter] because I did it. That's important for people to know that because you make amends at four. You make the list nine. But you do some kind of you do the inventory at four. Inventory at four. And I was always find stuff. I liked it. I was like, "Oh, I'm good. I know. I know all this stuff. I just can't face it." Like I can admit it, but I just can't face it. So I owe a lot of things to a 12step program, but in all honesty, what it was was I looked at my counselor in rehab and I said, I've been to treatment so many times. I've been to detox so many times. What is going to be different this time? Like what possibly can I do differently um to make this one stick because I really want it to? and every time I leave treatment, I feel this way. I'm like, "Okay, I'm gonna do it this time." Um, and she said something so like seemingly obvious to me. Um, when I say it out loud now, but in the moment it just made all the difference in the world. She was like, "You know, when you see people that are sober, like you see someone who's comes in here to the treatment center and does an H&I and tells their story to you, like you think of them as somehow different from you. like they're the ones that have figured it out. I I can't get there, you know, for whatever reason. She's like, every single one of those people had a moment like this that you're having right now. And they just made a decision that this is the time when it's their turn to get to live that like their story and get to be able to tell their story. And she just said, "This is the time for you." And it was so seemingly just like, "Yeah, of course." But something about it just stuck with me. And every time I, you know, I I then became willing to take every suggestion that was given to me by people who had walked the path. Um, so obviously doing all those things helped. But when I inevitably struggled, I remembered like, well, it doesn't matter because this is the time when I just choose differently. And it was like kind of simplifying it down to its core of like, yeah, this is the moment where I'm just going to make a choice that I'm not going back. And then I would go do H&. And then I started my TikTok. And my whole purpose is like it is the person who's sitting in that chair listening to me tell my story that it's like I know you feel different than me. I know you feel like for some reason your situation is better or worse or different in some way that's going to make all these things not applicable to you. I know because I sat there and I felt the same way. I honestly believed in my heart that people that were coming and telling their stories, I was like, either you weren't as much of an alcoholic as I was or you're leaving and getting drunk right after this because there's no possible way that we live the same life and you're this happy. There's just no way. And so it's like my mission to be like, I know because I felt that way, but I promise you like the minute you stop excluding yourself from everyone else and just being like this isn't going to work for me is the moment when you find that it can work for you, right? And that I think just being willing to accept that maybe I'm not so unique that these things that have worked for other people aren't going to work for me. And then just being like this is the moment where I'm just gonna do it. It just it sounds so simple but no it's not. And it's almost like you finish the steps. That sounds like 10 11 and 12 because you know you're helping people. That's the last step. You carry the message to another person. Do you break your anonymity um because I don't live in an I don't live anonymously. Yeah. I believe in the 12step pro programs of all these things. Um, but I just don't it's hard for me to comprehend how you can be anonymous and help other people. Like you have to break your anonymity to either sponsor someone. I get that. Mhm. But how do you carry a message of recovery? Y like I'm 46 and you're 20 whatever. 29. You know, our recovery is what brought us together so we can talk about it. You know, um the whole press radio film thing. I mean, I just I don't get it. like we have to share um what happened to us so that we can help other people. For sure. That's always been and and I've gotten trouble in some AA groups for that belief. But for me, I'm like I just feel like back in the day when they wrote those books, you could get fired from your job for it and all these things like but and also I get the perspective of if I'm talking about 12step and then I relapse that's going to look back bad on the 12 steps. So, I just make it a point to say if I do, that's not a statement about the 12 steps. That's either whatever I'm going through and not doing them that's probably got me in that spot. But yeah, I'm not Yeah, I would never blame the 12 steps. Um I don't ever consider a relapse, but I mean, if it did happen, I'm going to blame myself. Yeah. And I think that the earlier times when I I had thoughts of relapse because of just like little things like certain smells or even certain music, places I was at. Um not necessarily I shouldn't be there, but I mean maybe being with a friend I knew I shouldn't be with, right? I would think about the next morning. What is tomorrow morning? And that kept me sober. I don't know you. So you talk about the the the simple little statements. It's because we're so childlike in our head. We need it. just give us some crayons and tell us to draw our names and then tell us the thing, you know. So the thing for you was what that that counselor said, you know, this is your time. Yeah. Just let it be your time. For me, it was um you know, that was my time, but I I did 30 days, but then what kept me sober is to think through what what the you know, the relapse would look like. Who all did that affect? It's not going to affect just you now. Yeah. So, as we kind of land the plane, you've you've done all this great work and you let us have a peek inside of, you know, your history and all the trips to detox. What is what does uh Bridget's life look like today? What are you up to? It's really so crazy cuz I'm staying with my parents this weekend and we were talking about, you know, what it looks like. Now I have, you know, all all of the things that I always wanted materialwise, like the great relationship, the great job, you know, the cute little apartment, my dog, and, you know, all these fun things that are like I I genuinely could have never dreamed of, you know, four years ago. But I think what is the the biggest miracle of all of it is that to this day for three and a half years sustainably I have been not only just sober like that's great love that for me but happy like like peaceful like I'm not panicked. Is there something you do that that helps you keep that peace? Oh absolutely. I mean like I know Jordan's into yoga. Yeah, meditation, you the whole all of that. And and for me, a big part of it is um you know, prayer, journaling, getting all this stuff cuz I'm going to have crazy thoughts for the rest of my life. That's just I was born this way. It's what it's going to be. But just getting them away from me and remembering like what the truth is. Um, and and truly I I owe a lot of it to the perspective that I think almost dying gave me of like what truly matters, what truly is my control and like the serenity prayer of it all where it's like I I think I was so fixated on trying to control everything that now just the letting go of that of what is not what is I'm not running the show. I've never been running the show. I just thought that I was. And when I thought that I was, it was actually going the worst it's ever gone. So, you're not a good director. No. [laughter] Honestly, horrible. No. If it wasn't for the higher power that I understand, which is God as I understand him, um, and that relationship with Jesus, I would not I know I wouldn't. I mean, am I the perfect person, sin-free? No. None of us are. I'm going to be in process the rest of my life. Mhm. And I think that's the beauty in my understanding of that spiritual side of things is um I can have that relationship with him as my higher power. I can also still mess up but I know that I'm not fake or will come across as fake because of my past. I mean it just keeps us it keeps us so real. Like we have no filter when it comes to the things we talk about. You know what I mean? But we use it for good. And that's that's where I find a lot of my happiness and peace at is being able to help people and you know just see see people change for the better. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's really cool. That is the it it really is the coolest thing because I used to very much believe that people couldn't change. I think until I maybe did and then I was like well if I can surely others can and then once you start allowing your perspective to see that you see it everywhere you look. Um, and then that helps give you a more positive view on life when you believe that things can take a turn for for the better. Yeah, it's pretty cool. What um as as we kind of as we end a little bit, um, I want you to give I want you to give some of the best I want you to give the best Bridget advice you've ever given in your whole life. That's a lot of pressure. I want you to think about it. Um, think about being I want you to think back to all the detoxes and then think about being in that room with that counselor. Um, and seeing her and then having that moment of clarity is what we'll call, you know, people call it, moment of clarity where you, you know, but you're going to give the best advice to someone that's out there struggling. It could be someone that's listening to the podcast right now. They could be single, they could be married, they could be male, they could be female, but they're going to hear this from you. What would be one piece of advice that you could give them right now? I think what I would say is do things as if you already believe in and love yourself because I I really was always like, well, I'm not really sure how I'm going to get sober for myself because I don't feel those ways. Like, I don't love myself. I don't really even have a concept of who I am. Um, so how am I supposed to love myself and then get sober for me when I don't even know who that girl is? Um, and what really changed things for me was just kind of faking it and just being like, okay, what would a person who loved themselves do today? Um, what would that person's morning and afternoon look like? And just really dumbing it down to like these moments in time, what would it look like if I did love myself? And I don't have to have an immediate change. um but what would that look like? And then, you know, 3 months down the line, you start to see yourself kind of it just authentically happens. And I think that's that kind of works in in recovery and just general in life. Um and in so many things, it's like what is the version of me that I want to be? What would that person do today? And then doing those things. I believe in that. I I believe in that truly. Um it makes me think about I watch documentaries a lot. There's one called The Secret. It it talks about the laws of attraction, not the way you look. Yeah. The laws of attraction. How can you attract people to you and and it's about the thought perception that you give yourself and how you think of yourself. Kind of like go along with what you're saying like you have to see yourself as this positive person that gets these things. Not materialistic, but you have to see yourself in sobriety. You have to see what what the future holds. Not plan it. Just expect it. You know what I mean, right? Yeah. It's a part of um well when I wrote this book it was one of the reasons um chapter 3 is is where it's at. It's it's about uh finding a healthy selfishness inside of you because if you can't be first you can't be good for anybody. You can't be good for your brothers and sisters and all that for me spouse and kids. Um by the way are you are you married engaged in a relationship? In a relationship. Okay. Well hopefully one day you guys will get married and um tell me about this relationship. Uh it's it's wonderful and it's it's crazy when you know all these pieces were in place. I found someone who is just so great because I because like you said I did kind of have to be a little selfish in a way to figure out who I am, how to love myself and then you just kind of like like you said attract a person who um you know meets all the things and he's he's from England. I'm going to England this week to meet his family. What? I know. Isn't that exciting? It is exciting. It's crazy. Tell me, can you tell me his name? Yeah. Will. Will from the UK. Mhm. Shout out. Shout out UK, Will. Well, um I hope he plays golf. Does he play? Absolutely. He's on a golf trip right now. Is he really? Yeah. I'm a big golfer. I tell him I live in Augusta, Georgia. So, if he wants to come to the Masters, I can take him to the Masters one year. Incredible. Only if you guys are married, though. Of course. Of course. If he's just dating Bridget, I'm not helping you. [laughter] But if you're married to Bridget, I'll help you. Um, I do want to say that I am very proud of you. I know this was a connection through Jordan, but I'm glad to have you here to share your experience, strength and hope, if you will. But really, your experience um because you were able to tell a story of what people can go through and then the moment where you can say, "All right, you don't have to do all this. Just do it this one time." Because everybody gets a chance to do it one time. But you did. Uh, I mean, you got multiple times, but then that one time Yeah. is when it stuck. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm gonna give you guys, even though you and Will aren't married yet, I'm gonna give you this because I want you younger folks to have it. I want him I want him to go through it cuz the book was written to Will. It's for the supportive spouse of someone that's been in addiction and in recovery. And so, when you and Will do get married, you're both in recovery now. Okay. Yeah. And so, I love that. He'll get it. He'll understand. But Bridget, hey, thank you so much for coming by the podcast and hanging out with us today and making the trip. And um I look forward to uh this episode coming out, but just connecting with you some more. Um I think there's going to be some great ways that we can serve each other. Absolutely. Thank you for having me. All right.