5 Overdoses in 2 Weeks: Surviving Fentanyl & The Insanity of Addiction | Recovery Vow Podcast

In this harrowing and miraculous episode of The Recovery Vow Podcast, Eric sits down with Jacob Klein, a music producer and speaker who survived the unimaginable: five fentanyl overdoses in just two weeks.

Jacob shares his intense journey from a child with a "busy mind" to a heroin addict following in the tragic footsteps of a father he lost to the same disease. He opens up about the insanity of the addictive cycle—describing how he would wake up from an overdose only to plot how to use again immediately.

From the heart-stopping moment an EMT recognized him on a McDonald’s bathroom floor to the quiet desperation of detoxing alone in a dingy motel room with only a mantra to keep him alive, Jacob’s story is a testament to the human will to survive. This conversation proves that no matter how many times you fall, or how close to death you come, it is never too late to rewrite your legacy.

On This Episode:
• The genetic legacy: Losing a father to addiction and a mother’s recovery
• From snorting to shooting: The rapid escalation of opioid addiction
• The "insanity" of trying to cheat an overdose
• Waking up to the same EMT three times
• The Facebook photo that made him realize he lost 8 years of time
• Detoxing in a motel: "I don't want to die a junkie"
• How Jacob is using music and his voice to help others today

Connect with Jacob:
Music: J-Klein on all streaming platforms
Instagram: @officialjkline


Connect with us:
Socials: @‌RecoveryVow
Website: http://recoveryvow.com
Email: recoveryvow@gmail.com

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• Transcript

  Hey, welcome to the Recovery About podcast. I'm your host, Eric. And today, I've got a friend of mine, Jacob, that's going to be telling a story. Now, you're going to hear some heavy moments in his story from hotel rooms to McDonald bathroom floors to a reconnection with an EMT. And I think the biggest thing I would want listener to hear today is that this is true. This is real, and it's raw, but there's recovery on the other side of it. And it's just going to be impactful. So tune in, listen in, and just enjoy this episode with J. All right, welcome to the Recovery About podcast. Today I've got a good friend, Jacob Klein. I think we met on either Tik Tok or Instagram. Instagram. Yeah, that's where all the cool people are anyway. Yeah. Um, but yeah, we we connected on Instagram and I just want to dive right into um your story. Now, I've looked at your account. I I see some of the things you're doing from uh some of your music, your production, but then I've really just watched um how you're walking in sobriety. Now, if you don't mind, if just tell us a story. Um, but tell your story and and I want you to take us there. Uh, like we're whether you're telling a story and you're in the car or you're just walking through whatever life looked like, I want you to tell it um and and bring us there with you. So, so what got you into your addiction? Like what was it? What was it like? What got me there? That or just what was your addiction? Well, well, I was addicted to to heroin. Okay. That was my uh that was my that was my solution for a long time on how to live and coexist and operate in life. Do you remember your first time you used? Absolutely. What was it like? Um without trying to like trigger anybody. Um yeah, don't trigger but but it was uh I felt a weight and a sense of like freedom that I could have never that that I've never experienced in my life before. Do you remember how old you were? Uh I was 18 years old and it was uh um shot up. So not not initially. Um initially I was just uh so it kind of started with like you know taking prescription pills like you know a couple times out the week and you know in high school you know do some hydrocodones or whatever. Um, and I found that that really liked, you know, as even even since I was like in first grade, I always had like a very active mind like always thinking, always in like this daydream state, always in a sense of worry and anxiety and like in my chest. I always felt like it was like like it was hard to breathe. I could breathe, but like it was like this like this pit that just could never be filled. And so when I first took the hydrocodones, for once in my life, my mind got quiet. My fears and my worries were at ease and that in that little pit in my in my in my chest was filled. Yeah. And when you say you took them, were you like taking like a pill or were you chopping them up? Oh yeah, cuz I done both and I So I mean I'm trying I'm just trying to relate. Um, yeah. I would just swallow like four of them, four 1,00 milligrams at once. And you went all in. Yeah. I just, uh, you know, cuz I would just take a like a couple and like drink with them cuz it would just elevate, right? Yeah. But you're taking four. Yeah. I didn't I didn't really have any like regard. I did, you know, I smoked weed and drank occasionally in high school. So, I just I just associated, well, this was going to produce a a desired effect. You know, I first time I took like two at once. I was like, "Okay, this is great. So, two more must make it even better." And then I found my uh my happy spot, which was like four. And then eventually, you know, tolerance, independence increases, and you want more. Um but as far as like getting the heroin after I graduated high school, uh the person that I was getting the pills from, you know, everyone kind of graduated or went their separate ways. And so I had someone come up to me. And he's like, "Yo, if you give me $20, I'm going to change your life." I was like, "Okay, say no more. Here's $20." And he came back with this little perfectly folded up uh thing of uh powdered heroin that I opened up and that's what it was. I dumped it out and I snorted my first line of heroin. Okay. So, and and I'm glad you made that point, Jacob, because I don't I miss that sometime. I don't miss the drug. I missed the the point where I'm supposed to think about the person that could be watching this podcast or hearing your story. I don't want to trigger no anybody. So, thanks for saying that. But when you think back to that moment and you see that, was there any part of your thought process that said maybe I shouldn't do this or or you just looking forward to the life change for for whatever reason? Well, I I just I was like I said, I was someone that couldn't or didn't know how to deal with life on life's terms and how to com combat the internal condition. Um, but I also want to say like from from the beginning, I knew exactly what was up with drugs and alcohol. Um, my mom, she was actually in recovery or is in recovery and she got sober in 1989, two years prior to me being born. And then my dad, who passed away in 2001, um was a heroin addict that never could find sobriety and that ultimately ended up taking his life uh from from hepatitis C that he contracted from, you know, using dirty needles. And so I've from the from from birth, I had a template of what a life in recovery and substancefree could bring. My mom worked her way up with two kids, single mom, uh worked two jobs, took herself through nursing school, and recreated her life. Yeah, that's what sobriety can do for you. And then I also saw what addiction can do for you. Um my dad, you know, he had a couple periods of sobriety. Um and he had had a successful painting business. Um, and that lasted about a year and then, you know, you start making success and and money come in and well, it could change you. It could change you real quick and and it did. And so that as quick as that company was formed, it was burnt to the ground and he was back doing what he was always going to do. And so I've had I know exactly what both worlds bring. Um, I guess uh I guess I didn't care. Um, was there something that um was there something you felt like that just made you lean if you knew the route of you know both directions like I can I can be in I can be in recovery or I can go into this addiction. Did something happen and the reason I'm asking this is because you know it happens to a lot of us or something traumatic happens that that drives us to make that decision when we're looking at that that tinfoil. Did something happen um that made you make this decision or you just wanted to be disconnected from the way you felt? I just wanted to to just feel okay. Yeah. You know, I didn't really have anything too traumatic. Um it was always just this this feeling in my mind and and the feeling in my chest that I wanted to go away. uh you know there's there was variables that went throughout you know my upbringing like you know single mom not having my dad around I didn't realize until later in life how much that probably impacted you know my growth as a man or becoming and trying to become one and just certain characteristics as great as my mom was at playing both roles it is it is very crucial and important that there are two parents in the house. Yeah. Yeah, I was on a I was on a podcast the other day and we were talking about that and I told somebody um I said I'm a really good dad but I'm a horrible mom. You know what I mean? Cuz you know there's certain parts of us that um you need that n uh nurturing side of things but then you need that structure and that discipline that would come from a dad. You know what I mean? And and sometimes uh people in addiction especially guys um there's often a disconnect. And I'm not saying this because it's a proven stat. I think it's just a percentage, but I think there's a relationship that that guys need with their dad that they don't, you know what I mean? It's like they're that's what we feel is that void. Yeah. Sometimes. Um, so I mean, I totally get it. And I don't mean this to be like, you know, the the heavy part of the conversation. I just feel like we have to share part of your story so people can connect with your story, connect with you, and then and then hear. So, you know, when you think back to that time and that tinfoil was in front of you and then you made the decision to start, was it full on this was you um uh in your heroin addiction from that point forward or did it just something you tried and then just put it away for a little bit? So, you know, from that first moment, it was just, you know, I did it and um you know, that person that told me that $20 would change my life, he was right. And also I didn't know at the time just how what exactly that would mean. And I mean I end up finding out just how much it would change my life. How fast did it change your life? Um pretty quickly. Uh I would say about 6 months the process started to really take shape. Um but you know I'm 18 19 years old at the time. So I haven't when I first started doing it I didn't really like have a super uh dependence on it. you know, I was just doing it to to feel good, to feel okay. Um, you know, I do it three or four times a week, be able to take a take a break from it. Um but after a while you you do that for a few months then the tolerance and the the dependency starts to set in and then when I I remember one time when I tried taking a break from it I just tried stopping it for a day you know didn't have money or whatever the case was at that time and I felt sick. Tell me what that I mean I people see that on like TV. What is sick? What does that feel like? because I didn't do heroin and I I don't want to trigger anybody again, but when when people say you felt sick, explain that like Yeah. just couldn't get out of bed or couldn't stay out of the bed. You know what I mean? I mean, just a combination of feeling is probably like the worst flu you could ever imagine. Really? Um hot and cold and anxiety and uh being anxious and uh you know, if you let it continue on, throwing up like there was points where you know, after a year of doing it or so, if I didn't have another dose ready and within 24 hours, you know, I'm bel I'm bent over like just throwing up bile out of my stomach cuz there's no food there. Obviously, I don't want to eat. I have no motivation to do anything. Like the world doesn't make sense. Um, you know, all the dopamine in my brain has been depleted and I just feel down and like sweating and just just every little negative, you know, nasty feeling you could attribute to like what being sick would be, it was that. Was there anything else you'd mix with heroin? Like I I would do I would do I would smoke crack, but I'd also snort cocaine and I would take pills like in the same day. So I had You mean was heroin just like your only thing or you you would still kind of do it all? I would do it all but it you know uppers weren't really my cocaine. You know I would experiment with that for sure but like that wasn't like the the effect that I desired. Um like uppers gave me more anxiety and and paranoia, you know, and all that. So, I'm like, but the heroin, the opiates, it provided, like I said, this, it provided like a an energy boost. Um, I felt awakened. I felt free. I felt okay to be in in my own skin. I felt confident. I felt strong. I I was felt invincible. Mhm. I felt invincible. I didn't I didn't I didn't have a worry about anything. So, the kid that used to worry about everything, I don't I don't have a care in the world as long as I had that. Yeah. Then you needed every day to replace that feeling. And then so it was at that moment when I first started experiencing you know withdrawal and dope sickness as they call it. Uh is where like you know now this is more than just like taking $40 trips you know every other day or something. Now it's like I'm having to pawn and steal things to get more money because I need to I I can't feel like this much longer and I need to I need to change that. Yeah. I went through the same thing, man. I I couldn't believe some of the things I could pawn like microwave or man, I'm pawning anything. Anything that had a serial number. I was title pawn place where it's like the interest rates 240%. Um I'd give them anything they wanted just to fix the day. It wasn't about heck I could care less about a payment plan. You know what I mean? Like you're not getting your money back, right? Um but I can totally relate to that. Yeah. I used to like I mean in my hometown at the time I'm from Battle Creek, Michigan and so at the hometown there's you know it's like a town of like 60,000 people so there's like five pawn shops. Mhm. You know and it's like I'm just rotating each one and like I kind of build a rapport with one guy and like I'm just bringing him like 200, you know, year 2005 model printer. Like he'll give me eight bucks for it. Uh old cell phone. I graphing calculator one time. I took a graphing calculator like if it had some type of potential to get me5 or more dollars. I get it. It's getting and then I'm just like begging him. I'm like, "Bro, just just please just just take this for me. I'm going to come get it out of like no." And you think he knew? Uh probably not him. Uh maybe he did. I'm sure I'm sure they did. Yeah. I mean, take me back to like your ground zero, your your earthshattering moment of um either your your deepest darkest low or you know the moment that you said I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Like do you remember that that moment? Yeah. You know, I I've had a I've had a couple of those moments. Um, and like I said, so this this addiction really started to take off around end of 2009. And then each year just things got worse and consequences got more. And, you know, by 2011, I'm no longer snorting it. I'm injecting it now. And so now the addiction is full-fledged. Um, now it's every day. It's consistent. It's I need it. I'm everything's getting stolen or taken. Um, and I started experiencing homelessness on and off during that period. I'm losing friends and no one wants to be around me. And I thought that was enough. And so my mom ends up finding out that I'm her son's a heroin addict. And uh one morning I'm half asleep in my room and she comes downstairs to she's asked where my car keys were and I had a there's a pair of basketball shorts on my bedroom floor that were just laying there. Mhm. And with my keys in them and she's like where where's where's your keys to the car? I think I left something in there or I think something's in there of mine. And I'm just like half asleep. So I'm just like they're they're right there on the ground. And so she grabs him and uh as soon as she starts walking up the stairs, I immediately awaken because I know as soon as she opens up my car door what she's going to find in there. So I I'm sprinting up the stairs. I go out to the uh the driveway where the car is parked at and it's too late. She's already standing there with a handful of about 20 syringes. looks at him, looks at me, takes him and just throws him in my face and says, "You want to be like your heroin addict father?" And walks away. And uh it was that moment I knew like I was my little secret is is now known. Yeah. And Well, thank goodness you were half asleep. I'm glad you found him. Yeah. Um but that wasn't enough to stop me. Oh, it wasn't? No, unfortunately. Man, I was shooting for like the moment. I thought you were about to tell me that was that was it. But I mean, I get what And there's just little moments like that throughout the time like where I was just like, you know, this will happen. Okay. You know what? Go to rehab. Let's I'm I'm done. I get out of rehab immediately every time. And I relapse. I use again. You know, I promise I'm not going to do it again. I'm getting Please don't kick me out of the house. Please don't. I don't want to be homeless. I I'll be sober, you know, I'll be sober for a day or two and then go back on that promise again. And it was just a repetitive cycle. Um my story, unfort uh fortunately or unfortunately, uh I'm someone that has to take it to the bitter end. I have to take it to the extreme um in order for me to really get it. When your mom found um what was in your car that day, did you use that day or did you use the next day? Uh, I didn't because at within six hours she had a a detox and residential facility for me to go to. Oh, really? Yeah. So, that that was my first rehab stint. Um, was after that. How many times did you go through rehab or treatment? Seven times. Seven. Yeah. How old were you when when that happened, that first one? Uh, it was 2010. So, I think I was like 19. Okay. 20. Okay. That's the year I got sober was 2010. um you mentioned and and again I don't want to trigger anything but I just want people to hear um when we're talking about this um because we I watch documentaries all the time about this stuff and I just I'm fascinated with it. Um but you went from uh snorting heroin to actually shooting up heroin. When you make that kind of a shift, is there a c is there a different feeling you get from the from the syringe versus the snorting? Yeah. Um, and if that's too hard, man, we can skip right past it. I talk about this freely openly. Um, yeah. I mean, that's why people end up falling to the needle is because like after a while, you know, snorting it kind of has like a cap or a ceiling, okay? And then so you got to do it another route uh of administration and you know putting something into your vein it sends it directly through your bloodstream into your brain um which is produces that effect in seconds as opposed to you know 3 to 5 minutes. Okay. Um and so people that inject that or end up going to injections it's produced what's known as called a rush. The rush. And so now that there's no, you know, the rush isn't produced by anything. You know, you can't snort it and get a rush. You'll get the feeling. Yeah. I mean, I remember the cocaine, you'd get the drip soon as it hit the back of your throat. Um, but you're chasing that drip all night long till morning. And so, you're kind of chasing that rush and that instant feeling of I'm okay. Instant. I'm okay. Yeah. All right. So, you did seven trips to treatment. What What happened on the last one that made it stick? Because I want to get We've talked about the heaviness in the addiction, you know, and I know we can't dig into every little detail, but, you know, you you've got us to a place where we understand where you were at. Tell us what h what got you from, you know, that ground zero moment to or that last stint in treatment to um walking into your your choice of recovery. Yeah. um because I want to get into what you're doing now as a music producer and and your motivational speaking and and what you're doing for the um recovery community. So, unfortunately, none of those seven rehabs were successful in me staying sober. Each one each time I got out, I I used immediately afterwards. Um what happened that really brought me to my knees and really produced the man I am today is like I said I had to take it to the bitter end. Uh in 2022 the heroin that I was getting had switched to fentanyl and the guy I was getting it from there was no more heroin. It was it was fentanyl only. So I started doing that and uh I did that for about six months and then around o late October mid to late October 2022 um you know I'm getting kicked out of sober living after sober living in that whole time span you know from Texas yeah from 2021 to 2022 I was in 15 different sober livingings in a year period um because I didn't want to stop using I just didn't want to be homeless. Yeah. Or maybe I do want to stop using, but then 2 weeks later you couldn't, you know, and so I just woke up one morning and I'm like, you know what? I'm just I'm getting tired of getting kicked out. I'm getting tired of this. This is getting old. I want to be done, right? And so I stopped uh for about a week and then I'm at the sober house that I'm at and I just had this feeling in my mind and that that came in thought that came to my head. I just want to use one more time and I'll be done with it. I just want to use one more time and that's it. I just I just I want to feel that feeling again and then I I can retire. Retire essentially. I like that you said it that way. And so I go and get it, I acted on that thought and that impulse, and I had no idea that my tolerance to fentanyl would shrink that much in a week period. And so when I went and got it, I got back to the sober house that I was staying at, went into the bathroom and did it at 11:00 at night. I woke up to paramedics around me, um members of the house around me, um to my body shaking and shivering because I had just overdosed on fentanyl. That is scary. Yeah. And were you shooting uh fentanyl, too? Okay. Yeah. And so I got kicked out of there. You know, there's a whole uh thing that came with this and I don't I'll just kind of fasttrack it. But you can spend as much time on it as you want. Okay? Cuz this is a really powerful thing cuz it also Yeah, man. This is what you're here for. You speaks to the the the delusion and the insanity behind this and the powerlessness that is addiction and and then and how I how I thought and operated and the and the thought processes that went into this. One time overdosed. I get kicked out of that sober living. I uh I find another one that's in close to the neighborhood and I move into that one. Not a great house, you know, one of those flop houses, you know, just, hey, you got money, come on in, stay sober, stay sober, you know. Uh so I go in there, I get settled in and I'm like, man, I don't know what happened on that first one on that last use. I've never overdosed before. Um you know what? Let me There must have been some type of mistake. let me call him up again and let me go get it and let's let's let's just do this again because I just want to get high one more time and we'll let it go and I'll be done with it. Yeah. And that's I'm glad you made that point that that is an addictive mindset. Yeah. Like we couldn't be okay with all right, we we overdosed the last time we said this just a few days ago. It wasn't me. It had to be the drug. So, let me go try the drug again just to make sure. Um because we just couldn't accept responsibility. I just think that's powerful that you said it that way. And so I call him up and I go and get it again about 2 or 3 days removed from the last use and I go and get it. I use it and I overdose again. Get brought back to life. I threw up in my lungs. So I'm in the hospital now for a couple days. Uh I was well it was for like I don't know 16 hours I was in the hospital. Uh they let me go. I get back to the sober house. They asked where I was at. I was like man I was I got this sickness. I was in the hospital. Here's my thing. Um they're like okay you're all good. Cuz normally you know if you miss curfew you're going to get kicked out. So I didn't get kicked out there. And then I'm I'm laying in my bed uh at this at the house and uh I'm just like, man, I don't know what happened there, but I'm just trying to get high one last time and I'll be done with it. I just want to feel it one last time and I'll be done with it. I'll let it go. I I just want just I just wanted I just need to feel that feeling just one more time. And so I leave the house again. I call my guy up. I go get it. This time's going to be different. I grab I I get the product. I do it. And I overdose again. Get narcanned again by the same paramedic from the first time. You're kidding me. I swear. and I get brought back to life and I get kicked out of that sober living because well I did it there and so I'm like searching for another sober living to go to and I could find another one one of those again these are not these are not quality sober livingings and uh I get settled in do the paperwork do the intake um you know no drug test no problem I have my first first week's rent or you know the first week um pay him that it's all good. I get settled in my bed. I sleep it off for that night. I wake up the next day and I said, "Man, I don't know what just happened those three times, but I just want to get high one last time." So, you go number four. Yeah. I just want to get high one last time and I'll let it go. I'm not trying to die. I just want to get high one last time. Can I ask you a quick question? Yeah. When you felt um do you feel the overdose coming? Like did you remember you remember? No. It's it's a very quick instant thing. You would I would have never known. Okay. Only reason why I knew is cuz I got Narcan, which instantly brings you back out. It reverses an overdose. Um and so this time I had a plan. I know how I'm going to cheat the overdose. Again, we talk about insanity. We talk about delusion. That's me. Um I said, I have I know I know how I'm going to do this. I had taken a week break that lowered my tolerance. So then I tried doing the same amount, overdosed. Okay, I understand that. Uh then try to do it again the next day, two days later. Probably tolerance isn't back. Okay, I did it the third time. Okay, you know what? I got it. I understand. I can't inject it right now. Um I tried injecting it three time Nope. All right. I know how I'm going to cheat the overdose. I'm just going to snort it cuz I just want to feel it one last time and I I'll be done with it. I'm not trying to die. I just want to call my guy, go and get it, take it back to the sober house. Um I snort it and I fell out in my room. They call the ambulance again and I overdosed again. Um the ambulance revived me. Uh and then I didn't get taken to the hospital that time. I was kind of cognizant so they let me go. Um and then I started obviously I couldn't stay there at that house I was at then. So I just I wandered the streets for that night. Uh found another place that I could get into. Um like a day and a half later. I get settled into another new sober living. Get in there. Um I had to take a ur analysis test. I had fake pee on me. What? Yeah. And so you just carried the pee around with you? Yeah. I always if I if I knew a test was possible, it was on me. Um, man, you this formula of you've I mean I'm seeing like equations working out like where it's like dope man equals overdose overdose overdose times urine equals me. You know what I mean? It's like the the thinking that we have in that is in it's crazy. It's insane. It's insane. And um it's a it's a job to to think like that and to have to break down calculations like that and how I can use successfully or or in this case currently cheat and overdose. Yeah. And so I get settled in this new house. I passed the the the drug test cuz I had the fake pee. Um it's you know it was a Sunday. We just had our had our house meeting and I'm just like, you know what? Usually they drug test, not always, but you know, a common time to get a drug test would be on your Sunday sober living house meeting. You know, they'll usually do a drug test then. So, I just took a drug test, passed it. Instantly, the thought went into my into my head, you know, I'm probably not going to get drug tested for a while. Mhm. I used to think the same way. I got 72 hours. You know, I just want to get high one more time. And you know what? I have a foolproof plan now on how I'm not going to overdose. I call my guy. I meet him at a McDonald's uh on Runberg and Lamar in Austin, Texas. It's it's close to closing time. I get it. And I said, "You know what? I'm just going to snort just just the smallest smallest amount. Just the smallest amount." And surely that should not kill me. We'll just get it into my system. I just want to feel it. I just want to feel something. Okay. I just I don't want to die. And so I I I meet him. I get it. I go into the McDonald's restroom in this neighborhood. It's a drug. It's a drug known neighborhood. So these are single single bathrooms that lock automatically. You have to get buzzed in in order to go. So like, you know, get buzzed in the at McDonald's. Yeah. To No, to go into the bathroom. You have to get permission to use the bathroom for reasons because they know. Yeah. For reasons like this. And so I go in there, I do just the smallest smallest amount, and I don't know what it was, but that must have killed me quicker than the other four. And I I fall out on the bathroom floor. And um the cleaning lady who was coming to close, you know, the restaurant down or and clean the bathroom uh found me, called the EMT, EMS. And don't tell me it's the same guy again. It was. So this is this is his third time seeing me. Oh my gosh. Five overdoses in two weeks. And this is his third time seeing me. He narcans me twice. I threw up in my lungs again. and he looks at me and he goes, "Dude, when are you going to get this? You're as white as a sheet. Don't you realize you're going to die?" And I didn't have a response to that. And so I got with throw up in my lungs again. I'm in the I'm in the hospital. I got an IV hooked up to me to get the infection out of my lungs. And it was there that I had a spiritual awakening. Um it was there I had a spiritual awakening. And I'm just laying on that hospital bed and it's like life had hit me just smack dab in the face. Like just the evidence of the last 13 years of active addiction, everything that's gone on. Uh I just overdosed five times in two weeks. Clearly I'm not going to be able to cheat this overdose. And uh I'm I'm on my phone and I'm scrolling through Facebook just cuz I'm just I'm laying there. I have nothing else to do. I'm hooked up to an IV and I'm I'm I'm just scrolling through my phone and I stop and I see people that I'm in the music industry with. This is 2022, so like I had periods where, you know, I would do some things in the music industry and, you know, never really lasted cuz I couldn't really stay sober. Mhm. And I'd see like my friends and and collaborators, they're, you know, shooting music videos, they're doing live performances, they're promoting a new song. I don't know what's going on behind the scenes, but from that image on my newsfeed, it's a lot better than what I'm doing, right? I keep scrolling. I I I see pictures of friends I went to high school with. You know, they got the little cardboard key sign with the bought a house. Just bought a house. Husband, wife, dog, new baby. I don't know what's going on behind the scenes, but it's a lot better than what I'm doing. And then I stop on a picture of my family. They're at like this dinner. Obviously, I didn't know about it cuz I'm not invited. I'm not welcomed for obvious reasons. And uh I couldn't believe what I was seeing. And it's not because they were having dinner without me. It's because I couldn't recognize my own family members. My stepdad is balding. My mom. Oh, sorry. Sorry. You know, like the last time I seen him, he had hair. Yeah. Oh, I see what you're saying. Like you truly couldn't you didn't recognize, right? And my mom, she's got gray hair, gray roots. My little brother is 6'3 now. My other brother is in his 40s. His kids are no longer 3 foot. Last time I seen him. And I just stared at it so intently cuz I couldn't believe it what I was seeing and what I was looking at. I was like, man, where did all the time go? Cuz I could have swore it was still 2014 and it's 2022. You mean to tell me time went by that quick? it last and I it just hit me right there and it like I and in that moment I just asked myself like what am I doing with my life? And for once in that moment I got to realize just how precious time and life is. Everything that had happened in that last 13 years specifically the last 8 years is where it really got bad. um 2022 coming to death. And I'm just laying there like I'm 32 years old. I don't have a car. I don't have a say. I don't have a bank account. I can't even get a bank account cuz I've ripped off every bank there is that I that would give me a a checking account. No one wants to talk to me. Females don't want to have a relationship with me. Uh family wants something to do with me. Opportunities I've squandered. What am I doing with my life? And uh I discharged from that hospital and I had just enough money to get a five night stay at a real dingy motel. I'm talking a motel that you would go to do drugs at. I went there cuz I needed a place to where I could detox and withdraw off fentanyl. Are you going to do this on your own? Yeah, cuz I there was no money. I just I had $200 in my name and I didn't have insurance. Um, and any free place was going to have a waiting list. So, I went to this uh this motel and I detoxed off a fentanyl for 5 days straight. Just tossing and turning. I didn't leave that bed, not one time, unless I had to pee. I ate one bag of corn chips and an apple juice was the only thing that I had ingested that whole 5 days. And I'm just tossing and turning. And I'm tossing and turning. And I got this this smoke filled tan colored blanket, real thin one. You know, if you ever been to a cheap motel, they got the little stretchy thin ones that smoke. I feel like myself in a hotel room. Take the mirror off the wall, you know? And I'm just wrapped up cuz I'm so cold and I'm throwing it off cuz I'm so hot and I'm so cold and I'm just I'm kicking my legs out cuz my joints are spasming and my muscles are tightening. And like the for like usually the physical is the worst part, but for me the psychological withdrawal of this this was the worst. Like I felt like I like death would have been better than this. And in in the hotel I'm at is right across the street from where the hotel that my plug lives at. So all I had to do was walk a half a mile across the highway and I could have gotten a bag and I could have I I could have stopped this withdrawal right then and there. Um but again, you want to talk about another spiritual experience. First one was at the hospital. How how precious life and time is. I want to be I want what am I doing with my life? Okay. Now you're faced with withdrawal and what are you going to do about it now? Mhm. And so like I said, I'm tossing and turning. I'm tossing and I'm turning and I'm tossing and I'm turning. And I just kept repeating that every time a thought would be like, "Yo, we we can end this right now. We can we can we can You had the thought. Oh, yeah. It was coming. Like, dude, let's just go get high, dude. Let's just we I don't even care if I overdo it. Let's let's we can stop this right now. I meant the thought of ending it all, too. Yeah. Just I just wanted this to stop and I'm just tossing and turning and tossing and turning and I just kept kept repeating every time a thought would come in like that or I needed some type of uh self motivation boost, I would just say to myself, "Hold on, Jacob. we just got to get through this and it's going to be okay because I I want something different. And I just kept telling that myself that I want to be something. I want to be something. I want something different. I don't want to die a junkie. And I just kept repeating that to myself. I just I want something different. I want to be something. I don't want to die a junkie. And I just had to get through this. And um my five days was up and I and I and I'm checking out about 10:00 a.m. in the morning, 9:00 a.m. in the morning. And um I had nowhere else to go. That was the last $200 I had. Nowhere else to go. I used up every couch there is. Mom's not letting me come back for sure. She I haven't even talked to her in I haven't talked to her in a couple weeks. every sober I've already gone through 15 sober livingings, but I call this guy who has sober livingings. As a matter of fact, I've already stated his at two of his houses. I've already been to his house twice that I've as a resident, but I call him up one more time and I just say, "Uh, hey, do you have any openings because I really need somewhere to go?" um um because I really need somewhere to go. And um he says, "Yeah, we we I actually just opened up a brand new house and uh I it's it's brand new and you can come in and uh he's like I'm going to have the the house manager uh call reach out to you to do an over the phone interview." I said, "Okay, great." And so he house manager calls me and he's like telling him, "Yeah, this and that." Um, he's giving me a rundown of the house and he's like, "But how long how long do you have sober?" Well, I've already stayed at this guy's house twice, so I know in his rule book, in his handbook that you sign in the intake, it's usually required that you have for at least 14 days sobriety. Really? Yeah. At least I mean, every house is different. That's his particular rule cuz that's when they think you're ready for transition perhaps or, you know, just it keeps the house safe. you know, someone's coming off of a, you know, a re, you know, whatever the case may be. So, you know, every house is different, though, and sometimes it's a case by case basis. Um, and the house manager asked me, "How long do you have sober?" I just I couldn't tell him. I just overdosed five times in two weeks, and I got five days sober. And I said, "Uh, I got like 40 45 days. I got 45 days Yeah, 45 days sober. He says, "Okay. Um, all right. Well, yeah, we'll come on in and uh we got a spot for you." I said, "Okay, great." So, I get up off the stairs that I'm sitting at at the motel. I have just a backpack with like three three changes of clothes and then then the clothes I'm wearing. And I I head to the house. I get in there and yeah, brand new opened up house. I mean, not like a brand new build, but like it's it's a brand new sober living remodeled. I go into my room. I'm the first occupant on this bed. It's not even made yet. Very symbolic for, you know, you're the first, brand new. Y, but I know like I'm going to get drug tested and I'm like right at the line. Like 5 days is getting real close with fentanyl. like if it's going to be a a negative or a positive, you know, drug result. And so I'm like waiting in here around all moment. I get settled in. I get my bed made. Um I'm just like waiting for this guy to ask me when, you know, to produce the sample. And time goes by and he didn't ask until about 9 10:00 at night. He goes, "Oh, I forgot. Um I need you to to pee in a cup for me. I just I got to get a I got to test you." And you didn't have your little No big pee anymore. Nope. And so I was like, "Okay, my uh my my future is riding on this this this drug test result." So I take a deep breath. I walk into the bathroom. I pee in the cup. I hand him the cup. He pulls the little strip back, looks at it, twistes it, twistes it. He like pulls his phone out with the flashlight to like look at the the levels. He looks at it, looks at me. He goes, "You're good." I said, "Really? Really?" Uh I I I grabbed the cup and when I tell you that it it is the faintest faintest line to like pass a drug. Like if it was just a a sh just a tad of a shade. uh you know lighter lighter that would have been a positive test but it was there and if if there's a little bit of line it's a negative result and I said okay this is my new life and let's do this and it was from that moment on that I really surrendered and and knew that this was my opportunity and uh I just I took it back to that to the overdoses you want to live or you want to I take it to the to the hospital room stretcher. What am I doing with my life? Look at how precious life and time is. And then I take it to that to that motel room where I'm detoxing for 5 days and in the worst pain and agony you could ever imagine to where death would have been a lot I said a lot better. Mhm. To where I want to be something. I want something different. I don't want to die a junkie. How many years ago was that from that that when you took that test and passed it? Um, so the last use, my clean date is November 3rd, 2022. Um, and I believe when I took that test, it was like 11 8. So like 5 days later. Yeah. Um, yeah. Well, before before we shift gears and before we we have to wrap up, I I want to ask a couple questions. One, you did really good at telling that story because every step of the way, I was like I was there with you, like in the room with you. I can see the hotel. I can see the other place across the street. I can see the McDonald's. What I can't see um and what I want to know is um the EMT. Did you ever go back to them or connect with them? And because I mean that sounds like they made an impact on your life when they asked you that he or she asked you that question. Well, yeah. He Yeah. Well, you know, it's crazy. is like throughout the whole period from the start of my addiction and every two every period and point high and low and whatever you every every person I've come across um that has tried to help or play a role has there's been some type of little nugget that I've always remembered and took with me. Mhm. Did I do anything with it at the time? No. But I've always had little moments. But um you know it's like he was he was right. Yeah. You need to find him. Yeah. I would like to see him again. We need to find him. So let's uh we've got about 15 minutes left, maybe 10 minutes left. Um I want to talk about how you're using this platform you have now because your life's changed from that moment, right? Yeah. You've got three years in recovery now, right? Yeah. What are you doing today? um as in these last few years to help other people and how are you um how are you using your influence because I like I said I found you on um Instagram and I see some of the things you're doing but but share it with this platform that you've got right now. Yeah. Well, you know, it was a process. And so, first I just had to stay sober. And then it was around like 90 days that I found out that I that I have a voice and that I could use my story. all the the shame, the guilt, the misery, the pain, the struggle, the hurt, the loss. I could use all of that and take that and repurpose it and repackage it and to experience strength and hope and transmit that to others. You work a 12step program. Yeah. Okay. Um 12 steps helped. Yep. um that gave me the foundation to kind of you know see some of the the defects and find my spiritual connection and you know and do that and then be part of a fellowship. But uh it was really finding that uh I could I could repurpose that that pain and turn it into purpose. Mhm. And so I started uh started speaking. I started sharing my story um you know in meetings and then I take it outside of meetings and then I started sharing it in social media um and it started to resonate and I I I felt empowered and then I felt even more empowered when I could see that we could pass it on and then when I could sit down with another man knee to knee and be able to share and transmit that experience and then we get to grow together and he gets to be a part of my process and I get to be a part of his process and I got to see how beautiful and special that is. Yeah. And that becomes like your meeting too. Like for me, people ask me like, "Do you still go to meetings?" And I I will every once in a while, but it's not like I do a daily habit. But this these are my meetings. You know what I mean? Like you said that social media like being able to share your story, that's me having a meeting. Being able to hear other people, that's me having my meeting now. And so I think that's fantastic. Yeah. And then I started uh after like 6 months I really started to like craft a vision of what it is that I wanted to be again. I want to be something. I want something different. And so I started crafting a vision. I want to rebrand my music career. I'm not trying to be famous. I don't care if I get a million dollar record deal. If it happens, I I'll gladly accept. So, you know, but like the the the main purpose and the main drive of the music is to be just an added vehicle to help carry experience strength and hope in song form. Mhm. So, you can take it with you wherever you go. Um, if people want to listen to your music, go ahead and give us how how they can do that. Yeah. Uh, it's J Klene J- K L I N E. Um, on any and all streaming platforms, it's available. Um, I make largely uh recovery based content uh music. Um, but ultimately it's just it's just vulnerable, real, authentic, passionate uh songs. I love that. What are you doing um with your life today? Like you you looked at that picture and you you saw your family. Are you a part of those pictures now? Yeah, my mom, she gets to text me how proud of proud of me she is. Uh you know, I'm in Dallas, Texas right now. Yeah. I just got to stay at my little brother's apartment. Like that would have never happened, right? Um, you know, and I've I've been able to recreate and repurpose my life. You know, there's a lot of external things I have, but you know, I have a car these days. I I have a place. Um, you know, I have a roof over my head. Uh, I have more than just three pairs of clothes. That's just the externals. But like the most important thing, you know, externals are great, cool, but like it's the most important thing is that internal. I always needed to feel some type of relief, some quiet my mind, put hold my chest so I feel okay. And um I found a a connection with a higher power. Yeah. You got to have that. Whom I call God. Yep. You got to have that. Um it's a that's you got to have that. you know, that's that's an aspect of it. I uh I'm big on mind, body, and soul. So, my prayer and my conscious contact with my higher power. I go to the gym. I started running recently the last few months ago uh a few months ago. That's been transformative. Um and then community and fellowship being Do you have a podcast? Huh? Do you have a podcast? I don't. I used to have one. Um I used to be a part of one. Now I just kind of just go on podcasts. Yeah. Um I speak at treatment centers that carry a message. I speak anywhere I'm asked. Um recovery events, I perform at recovery events as well. I just use my voice and share my story. I love it. And you're doing a great job, man. You you did really good today. Um sharing your story and and I want to stay connected to you. Please. Yeah. And and and so we can be of service to folks like us. And you know, there's people um that may listen to this this episode today and they're they're in that hotel room where you were or they were, you know, in that trailer where I was, you know, and they're just waiting for God to give them that moment either the McDonald's floor moment or you know the going back and just that fourth, fifth time thinking that you got it figured out. They may be in their moment and so they they need to connect with you or need to connect with us. And yeah, man, I just want to tell you um before we close that, uh I'm very proud of you. Thank you. I'm proud of you. And I mean, I know that we've chatted on social media, but to meet you today and and to hear your story, I am I just want you to walk away today just knowing that somebody else that you got to meet today is just very I'm very proud of you. Thank you. And uh thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. Yeah, it's uh it was an honor and uh I'm super grateful for it. I love being able to do this. And anyone's watching, I just want to let you know my my DMs are always open. My phone is always on. I answer any message. I pick up every call because I don't forget about the man that was so broken and so hopeless trying to just if someone could just extend their hand and that one person did again. If they wouldn't have extended their hand, I probably wouldn't be here. And I don't forget that. Um so my hand is always extended. And uh if you're struggling, man, just I'm telling you, if you're in that if you're in a hotel room right now, if you're wherever you're at and you're just at that in between of like surrender and I can't do this anymore, let go. Yeah. Just let go. And I'm telling you, hold on in those rough moments. Embrace the that that that uncomfortability and discomfort because the blessing is on the other side. And I promise you that and you can re recreate your life into something you could have never imagined. That's really good, man. Thank you so much, bro. Appreciate you coming. Appreciate you.